[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. I'm your host, Deb Masner. I'm a registered nurse, health coach, and alcohol free badass. I have found that there's more than one way to address drinking. If you've ever asked yourself if drinking is taking more than it's giving, or if you found that you're drinking more than usual, you may have reached your own alcohol tipping point. The alcohol tipping point is a podcast for you to find tips, tools, and thoughts to change your drinking. Whether you're ready to quit forever or a week, this is the place for you. You are not stuck and you can change.
[00:00:35] Speaker B: Let's get started.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate you. I want to take a sec to invite you to the next alcoholiday. It's a monthly dry group where I help people practice not drinking. This is for you. If you feel like you're struggling, if you feel like you're stuck, if you feel like you're broken, you're never going to get it. I want to just support you and arm you with lots of different tools to battle cravings.
Work on your thinking about drinking. Be more kind and compassionate to yourself as you're doing this. You know, drinking is a habit and it's probably something you've done for years or decades. Even so, it takes a while to unwind it. And that's why I'm so passionate about focusing on practicing, not drinking, working on progress, not perfection. I love the saying focus on the direction, not perfection. And I think it's important just to have these types of groups, programs that just give you a safe place that has no shame, no judgment. A safe place where you can just learn new tools and just start unwinding the habit so that it gets easier and easier for you to drink less or not at all. I would love to have you join the next alcoholiday. It starts the first of every month. As a podcast listener, you always get 20% off by using the code love love and it is hosted on a private platform. It is a HIPAA protected platform. It's really important to me as a nurse just to have privacy and a safe place for you. And what you get is daily emails, lessons, accountability. You get lots and lots of tools to battle cravings. You get a really detailed guidebook journal to help you out during those 30 days, 31 days, whatever the length of the month is. And then you get downloadable audio meditations. Just something to go to when you're feeling a craving. We also do weekly group chats, weekly group support calls led by me and another sober coach twice a week. And then there's also a private chat where you can just share with others, support others, and it's just a great place to practice not drinking. The cost is $89 us dollars. That is so. It's less than $3 a day. Plus use that lo ve code to get your discount. And just a little background on me. I have been a registered nurse for 20 years. I'm a board certified health coach. I'm a smart recovery certified facilitator, an addiction certified mental health professional. I'm a mindfulness instructor. And then you all know I like to call myself an alcohol free badass. I've been alcohol free for four and a half years now, so I would love to see you in the next group. You can sign
[email protected] alcoholiday and join there. I also will link it in my show notes. Wherever you are with your drinking journey, just know that I am rooting for you, that you are not broken and you can change. Thanks so much.
[00:04:15] Speaker B: I am so excited to have on the podcast today my friend, now my friend Danielle Labeouf. She is a wife, a mother, a grandmother and a nurse from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I first met her when she slid into my DM's of Instagram when she was just starting to change her drinking. She ended up joining one of my groups and that was, gosh, last fall. And ever since then, I have just watched Danielle grow and thrive and just really, it's just been beautiful to watch you on this alcohol free journey you've been on. And we've talked a lot about you sharing your story. And so I'm just so honored and excited to have you here to share your story, Danielle. So welcome to the podcast.
[00:05:09] Speaker C: Thank you so much. That gives me just goosebumps to hear you describe that year, this last year, and what you've meant to me and the group has meant to me is indescribable. My gratefulness is, I can't put words around it. But thank you. Thank you for what you've created here.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: Oh, thank you.
Well, I already did kind of an intro that we know you're in Michigan. We know that you're all these things to all these other people. Is there anything you would add to who you are and what you do not?
[00:05:43] Speaker C: I mean, you got the grandma part right now. I feel like that's the biggest part, right of my world in a way. You know, being a grandma. I have one grandson. He is he's just a year and a half old, so of course he's the light of my life. But that grandma thing is pretty special. But no, I think you incorporate it at all. That is who I am. I mostly, you know, my family comes number one in my life. Always has, always will. My husband, my kids, grandkids. Now that is my number one. I work in nursing administration. I work in healthcare administration. So that has its own challenges at times, but I'm extremely passionate about healthcare. I've been a nurse for over 30 years, and it is truly what I believe I was meant to do. I love the healthcare industry. I love, you know, it's had its challenges. Of course we know that we won't even go there, but. And it will continue to have challenges. But what we do for people and being a part of their lives in those moments when they're needing care, I find to be the greatest honor. And I feel very blessed that that is the realm that I can work in.
[00:06:49] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. You fit it so, so well. And, I mean, we get a lot of nurses. I get a lot of nurses in my group, maybe because I'm a nurse, too, and we just kind of attract each other and it's a vibe, but, yeah, just always connecting with fellow nurses and healthcare workers. Like, we just get it.
[00:07:09] Speaker C: We do. And we work in high stress situations mostly on a daily basis. You know, some. Some occupations have stressful times throughout the year, but we see it daily. So we do kind of bond to one another in a very quick way because it takes a team a lot of times to make it through a day. So it is a special connection in health.
[00:07:32] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Well, where do you want to start with your experience with drinking? You know, what? How did it begin for you? When did it become a problem and how did you unravel it?
[00:07:46] Speaker C: But, yeah, let's just start right back in the beginning. I a lot of times describe alcohol in this last year as not just in the last year, but realizing that throughout my life, it was one of my greatest loves. And it had always been there. It had been there to celebrate, to grieve when I was bored, to have fun, you name it. Alcohol was my date.
And it probably, like around the. Well, the age of 13 was the first time I had drank, and it was a binge drinking experience. It was brandy right out of the bottle, which led right to, of course, a blackout situation and then a very, very nasty hangover. My high school, college years, twenties, they didn't involve a lot of drinking, really. It was in my thirties, and I have three kids that are now all adults. And I remember very clearly, you know, I have this young family. The oldest two are boys. They're very busy. They're very rambunctious. They're physical. It was a lot of chaos, a lot of noise. And I was making supper, and I thought, oh, gosh, I'm just going to have a glass of wine. And it just settled me. I remember it just kind of calming me. It's kind of that mommy wine culture time, for sure. And, boy, did I buy into it. I had the shirts. I had the. The magnets on my refrigerator. I had all the, you know, any. Any excuse to, you know, just really, I dove head into that culture. And then, you know, just having that mommy's little helper, so to speak, just to calm me down at night became more of a regular occurrence for me because there was always chaos. There was always a lot of. A lot of noise in the house, you know, and so that kind of just settled me. And then I, moving through my thirties, I would say, like, into my forties. Then you start hitting into the time of maybe I want to lose some weight. Well, Keto was very popular. So with Keto came Tito's. Right, because that was on that approved list for Keto. So then I kind of switched to having more, I would say, of the vodka drinks once in a while, which became more regular. In the end, I became a daily drinker, not to the point of intoxicated, but to the point of every night while I'm making supper. I needed a glass of wine. If I was grilling, I needed a beer. You know, I just had, like. Like I said, it was. It was my date. It was always there. If I had a bad day at work, it was, good lord, I need. I need a drink. But then about seven years ago, pin for reference, I'm 51 now. About seven years ago, I was like, no, I don't think this is too normal. I don't. I seem a little maybe dependent on this or my other thought that kept running through is I can't seem to lose weight like I used to in my twenties. What the heck's going on? Right? So I would give up alcohol for 30 days at a time. I did dry January pretty much every year. I wasn't successful every year, but for the most part, I was. Damn, it was hard. And every time I did those 30 days and dealing with the social questions of, you're not drinking, why aren't you drinking? Well, and then. Then you always hear the other person's, well, I don't drink that much, you know, and it's like this, really. I, you know, it just became a bigger thing socially that I was ready to answer the questions for. So after a few attempts of those 30 days and during 30 days, getting glimpses of, I kind of. I like who I am without alcohol. I like who I am better than when I'm drinking alcohol, realizing that I probably need this long term, but I didn't do it right. That was seven years ago. And so then what would happen was, you know, I keep trying. I get 30 days, and then, bam, I'd fall off. I think. I think the longest I ever got prior to this year was somewhere in, like 60 some days. And most of the time, I was kind of white knuckling. I was trying to keep myself busy, and I was trying to do new things, but I didn't have it all put together yet. So as much as I want to say those were failures, none of them were a failure. Every one of them gave me a piece to bring to my success here today. I learned something in every one of those attempts. While at the time, I didn't feel it and I didn't know it, that came together for me in this past year. So, like, for instance, I was Annie Grace's book, this naked mind. That was a podcast that I would listen to frequently, and they would do people's stories similar to what we're doing right now. And a lot of times, the individual would say that they read the book and everything clicked for them. It was like a switch turn. And I read the book. I read that book four times because I kept waiting for that light switch to flip for me. Eventually, I burned the book, but I wish I still had it. That book did teach me so much. It's just I didn't see it at the time. Foundation was being laid, and I wasn't, you know, I just didn't know it then. So all those attempts weren't for naught. I brought them with me. All those experiences came with me when I got to this journey and when we got a my. And it also was a progressive. So we, you know, Covid, of course, was stressful for everybody, right? 2020 was stressful. I happened to have a husband at the time, going through cancer for the second time, requiring daily radiation treatments. I had a full house on lockdown. I was the only one working. Everyone else was, you know, here in the house. I was working in healthcare. So I noticed during that time, I really drank a lot more and then even when that time started to subside, I wasn't backing off.
It was. It was like I had this new base, this new baseline I had to get to. It was the waking up in the middle of the night. It was every single night, whether I had had two drinks before bed or more than that. And I would do the inventory. How much did I drink? Did I slur my words? Did I say something stupid? Never again. I'm not going to drink again.
And I would just beat myself up every single day. And then I would wake myself up in the morning when I would get up, then it would be this.
Beat myself up again. Working out in my basement, like the exercise, torture. Because I'm going to be healthy, damn it. Today is the day. It's going to be different, right? And it's going to start with an hour of cardio. So that that carried on, you know, that cycle. And then I'd stop for a little bit, and then I'd start back up. And again, it was always just getting to be a little bit progressively more. And it was the summer of May 3. I had lost a family member who was very close to me unexpectedly. So going through grief again brought my date with me. Right? The greatest love of my life. Alcohol was there with me to help deal with this grief and what we were dealing with. And I knew something had to change. I knew that I had to find a way out of this knot, or it was going to own me. And that not was love. The love I had for alcohol. I knew I had to break up with it. But I just could not imagine a life without it. I couldn't imagine. How do you frickin celebrate something?
How do you like, if it's your anniversary, is it really your anniversary if you can't go to your favorite restaurant and have your favorite cocktail that they make, you know, if you're grilling, does your meat even fucking turn out if you don't have a beer in your hand? Like, that's how I felt about it. How can this be? You know? So. But I woke up the morning of September 18 and said what I had said so many times before, that this isn't enough. I'm not going to drink anymore. And I didn't know that it would be different that day. I didn't know that that attempt would be successful. I didn't know that the year that I would be the most proud of in my whole life would be that year. I had no idea. I thought it was a big, fat failure. I was pretty sure I'd fail. In fact, I was scared shitless come November, when I still wasn't failing, I couldn't figure out what was wrong. What was I, how was I still succeeding?
But I was, and I think some of the things that, leading up to September 18, I had noticed I was getting a lot of anxiety. At the time. I thought it was wine wasn't sitting well with me. I was getting a lot of, like, my heart was bracing. I definitely would not sleep after I drank wine. And so I was doing a little bit of research around that, and I was seeing a lot of the effects of perimenopause and alcohol.
And I was definitely, at that time in my life, it was, you know, there was other symptoms as well. There was a lot of brain fog. It's better now, believe it or not, even though I'm stumbling over that word. There was a lot of brain fog, and that in fatigue, just tired all the time. My moods were very blase. I didn't seem to have a higher low. I just kind of stayed in the middle with a variation of annoyance. And so the more I was reading about perimenopause, there was a lot of dietary things they had said, a lot of supplemental things they had said, but alcohol kept coming up, and I knew that it was time again. I knew for personal reasons as well, plus just the fact that it continued to increase. My usage was starting to increase. You know, I never had a drunk driving. I never missed a day of work because I was drinking. I, you know, got up every day. I work long days. I was very functional. I was very present in my family, but it was taking away from the person that I was inside or the person that I could be.
So we start from there. So then, September 18, like I said, I had done many dry januarys. I knew the drill. You fire up the podcasts. Uw are one of my favorites. So I had you on repeat in my ears on a pretty regular basis. Hello. Someday was another one I highly enjoyed. And sober powered, they really enjoyed all of them. One of the things that I tried to be more strategic about this time was the podcast that I was listening to were more aligned with where I was in my journey. So they were all about the early days. How do you get through those early days? And I queued them up the day before so that they were all saved, and they were easy for me to get going the next day. So when I got up in the morning, the first thing I did was take inventory about how much I drank the night before. And then I realized I didn't, so I was like, okay, good job. And I thanked myself for that. I just thank you for not thank you, you did it. And in one of those early podcasts, it was mentioned that every day is like a brick. You are building a new wall, you are building a new foundation. And the sturdier you make the foundation, the stronger it will be. So build that wall every day. Lay a brick. It is the wall that will be between you and alcohol. It will feel ugly, it won't be fun, but it will eventually be there. And I really live by that philosophy. And it many times throughout the year I had to rely back on, I will lay a brick today, there will be a brick on this foundation today. And you know, the first few days was just really moving my body. Lots of steps, listening to podcasts, eating the junk food, eating whatever the hell I wanted. I really had to take the scale out of the equation on this one because times prior, I always kept it as a part of it and, you know, would see the scale going in a way I didn't like and that would, that would just be what I needed to run back to alcohol. So I really had to take, I mean, I still continued to weigh myself, but not, not, I don't know, just, just for data. I like data, I'll get to that too. But still, I still continue, but I did not let it affect me. I would, you know, sometimes I would see it and say, wow, that number's going up, it's down. And I would say, but that's not what I'm focused on right now in my life. That's what I would have to remind myself.
And then I had to, you know, everybody talked about in the podcasts and people who were successful, you know, that they just started doing the work, they started doing the work and I was like, for so many years, I was like, what is the frickin work? Tell me, do I have to do ten push ups? Do I have to run 3 miles? Do I have to write seven pages? Is it a 5000 word essay? What is it? You know, and I didn't understand it, but yet I had laid that foundation of doing the work. And the work was listening to the podcast, reflecting on what I was hearing, moving my body. And it was a huge part of loving myself, just loving myself. I had to not allow myself to beat myself up. I used, I used the words, when you hear yourself talk, you need to decide.
I'd heard this somewhere else, you know, you need to think, are you going to say this to a friend. Would you say this to a friend? And so I really lived by that. When I heard those words, you know, when I heard myself talk. And, boy, it was pretty nasty. It was pretty nasty. In the beginning, I was going to a birthday party at a winery, and my self talk was, you're going to look like the biggest idiot there.
I don't even know why you're not drinking today, because there's no way you're making it through the winery, Barbie. There's no way. And I was just like, but there was a whisper that was saying, what if? What if? You do what if? And I really leaned into what if? And I really decided to bet on the underdog. And it was hard. It was a daily decision. It wasn't like one day I said, yep, I'm going to follow this voice every day, multiple times. I had to remind myself of listening to the what if voice today. And so I kept doing that, and what if, you know, that voice just kept getting stronger, you know, I wasn't my best self those first few months. I was irritable. If I had a not so great day at work or my husband and I were me maybe squabbling about something, I felt like I had no release. I didn't know what to do with those emotions yet, you know? And emotions felt so strong, so strong. But I had to figure them out. So with that, I wasn't my best self. There were times I was short with people I didn't mean to be short with, but I didn't allow myself to being negative about that. I mean, I apologized where I needed to apologize and own it, of course, but I didn't berate myself for it, and I didn't let it bring me down. And that, that was, that was the work. That was the effort. Learning to truly love myself and that, that was hard. But once you, once you get there, that's a whole nother awesome. I can't, you know, we'll, I guess we'll keep going to that, but. So we got through, you know, like I said, it was September. I had a very nice pink cloud for several months. I was, oh, I was so excited for Christmas. I was putting up Christmas trees. I had Christmas lights. I had so much energy. I was getting so much done at night. I had holiday ice cubes, for crying out loud. I mean, it was ridiculous. Well, it wasn't. It was fun, but I had, I just, I was on my high, was very high then. I was enjoying things on a level I hadn't enjoyed them in the past. I was present in conversations.
You know, initially, I wasn't sleeping very well at all. I was not. But that rectified itself within a few weeks. And then I was sleeping so good, and I had confidence. I just. I had this little bit of confidence in myself where I was kind of like, where the hell did this? I don't know where it came from, but I'm keeping it. It feels good. So those, those first three, four months were really quite great. I, you know, there were a few social settings. Like I said, I went. I went to a winery for a birthday party. And, yes, I drank water the whole time. It was fine. Was it fun? Hell mill, it was not fun. It was like seven days in. I was fidgeting. I didn't quite know what to do. Would I go again today? Oh, my gosh. I'd hop in my car right now and I'd pick up all my friends that wanted to. If they were going to have drinks, I was going to drive them home for sure. I'd bring my own fabulous bottle of na wine. I. It wouldn't faze me to go there today, but that first time was not fun. Then we had a beer festival in October that we already had tickets for, and I decided I sold my ticket and I was going to be the designated driver instead. So then, you know, at least I was branded with that wristband, and that would keep me from, from drinking. I mean, I'm not going to say that that was kind of fun. It was fun to visit with other people, and it was, you know, it was okay, but it wasn't. It still wasn't comfortable. Yet again, that same beer festival comes up this weekend. I'm not going. But I offered to go. And it would have been fun. It would have been okay. I'm comfortable in my sober skin. I'm comfortable in my sober self, I guess, is the way to put it. Very much so. Yeah. Some of those first events were kind of icky, but heading into the holidays, my husband and I were going to a restaurant, and they're very well known for a certain cocktail, and we had just, you know, flippantly said, hey, why don't we head to this restaurant Friday night? He's like, yeah, that sounds nice. And immediately, my mind went to my date. That cocktail. It went there, and I thought I could see myself sitting at that table with my hand on that cocktail, and I was like, but I won't have that cocktail, so why do I even want to go there?
But then my mind pushed a little farther and went, why does the chemical composition of the liquid in your glass get to determine whether that night is going to be good or not?
Why does that get to determine how much fun you have?
And I was like, then I, with the help of, you know, some others, I wrote up the chemical makeup of that cocktail, like the literal Etoh and, you know, the molecules and everything else, because that just took time and put my mind on something else and then wrote up the same chemical makeup of what I would order instead and realized how much healthier that one was, the alcohol free version. And then I was like, well, that's. That's ridiculous that it has that power.
And you had. At the same time, Deb, you had challenged me because you had asked me one time, we had. We had met, and I said, I'm just. I'm just so scared. I. Like I said at the beginning of this, I was so, you know, November came, and I was still doing it, and I was scared to death. Cause I couldn't figure out how I was doing it. I felt like the tail on the end of a kite. I felt like I was just hanging on, is this really happening? And you challenged me, and you kept asking me, why? Why are you scared? And I said, because I'm afraid I'm going to fail. And you said, what scares you about that? And I said, well, because then I'll just keep drinking. Well, what scares you about that? Well, every time I go back, it seems like I start to drink more. Well, what scares you about that? And you kept challenging me, and I think we only got so far on that call, but it was enough to tell me I had to dig deeper, and so I did. And I sat and I kept writing the whys, and I kept giving the little answer, and I kept writing the whys until I got to the point that alcohol had the power.
I really believed that alcohol had the power.
And writing that out, I realized it only had the power because I gave it the power.
I had the power to take it back.
And again, it was a very powerful moment for me, along with when I wrote out the chemical composition of a cocktail and thinking about that power. Why do those chemicals get that power? And I from. I didn't feel nearly as scared after that. After that, I didn't feel scared at all. I felt like, this is my journey. I'm driving this bus. I can take whatever road I want to take, but I am in control.
And that helped me tremendously. The holidays were beautiful.
They were.
You know, I had my witching hour for sure. I had my time of day where I had to keep myself busy and I had to find other things to do. Eventually that completely went away for me. I don't have that at all now. I don't. When I get home at night and I think, what do I want to drink? It's amongst the six tea options I might have or whatever, sparkling water. And I'm excited about every one of them. I'm just as excited about them, actually, more so than I, than I was over alcohol, to tell you the truth. So, you know that I did have some of that yet through the holidays and then January, maybe around the end of January or February, I said my pink cloud took off. And it didn't just take off, it just exploded. It was gone. I felt like it just spit in my face.
And I was, I was kind of down and I couldn't tell why I wasn't, you know, I wasn't enjoying things as much. It wasn't that I wanted to drink either, though. It was just that I was just kind of not sure. Every day just felt kind of blah. Like I'd come home and I'd be like, well, okay, well, did that. I guess I'll make supper. I guess I'll take a bath. I don't know. You know, the, and it's the dead of winter where I live at this time as well, so there could be a little seasonal affective disorder in there, too. But, you know, I was still trying to, I didn't want to exercise at all. I didn't, and I barely did. And then I started relying on food again and the scale started going back up and I was like, Neil, I'm going to trust this process.
Everything I've heard on the podcast that I've read, the quitlet, your group, I just need to keep going.
I need to keep laying bricks. I need to keep building this foundation. This isn't fun, but I need to keep doing this. And, and that's what I did. I just kept going around. I think it was around March, I was getting a massage. I was, I was away for the weekend with a friend and I had a spa day planned and I was getting a massage. And I decided to just treat this massage as a huge thank you to my body for getting me through years of drunk shenanigans and just maybe not taking care of it very well and just be extremely thankful. And boy, did I cry. That poor massage girl, she must have thought, this is a special in here. But we got through it. We got through it. And I just felt. I felt a release from that. And come April. Well, I had been seeing a therapist at the time, too, and she had mentioned something to me about post acute withdrawal syndrome, and she said, do you. I think that's what you're going through.
And I really didn't like the word syndrome. Maybe it's from my medical training, I don't know. But to me, that can be. Give it time and that can be recalibrated. So I went with post acute withdrawal recalibration in my mind, like, maybe this is just a process my brain needs to go through right now, and I am going to love it and I am going to nurture it, because, by golly, it was there for me when I wasn't taking very good care of it. So that's what I am going to do for my body now, is just love it and nurture it. And we got through that. And during that time, too. Sorry to back up to this again, but emotions, holy crap. Anger, boiling, rage. And that is nothing like not. Not who I thought I was. I mean, I remember slamming a car door so hard one time, I wanted to break the door, and that is not my. That's just. That wasn't anybody I knew prior to this. I. It just kind of shocked me. The. So there was. There was a lot of. There was that there was anger. There was anxiety, for sure. There was a little depression. Although working in the field I work in, I had. I had access to depression screening questionnaires, so I was able to safely monitor that. And I knew when I would have needed to definitely make an appointment with my provider. I was fortunate in that I did not. But there was a little bit of, you know, lack of joy in things, for sure. And this, again, is where the work comes in. So instead of being shamed at the anger, at the anxiety, at the depression, instead of being shamed by them, I had to love them.
I had to say, hi.
I don't know who you are, but you are definitely a part of me because you're coming right from the very core of me, shooting out either my fingertips in an email or my mouth or God knows what. But you're definitely a part of me, and we need to get to know each other in a different way. So, especially for anger, I have found a. That when that anger starts boiling, I acknowledge it. You're here, okay? You're trying to protect me. There's a reason for you coming. You don't just show up. You're trying to protect me. I'm not in danger. So let's just deal with, you know, the facts that we know right now. Like, at work, anger's not going to write the email. You know, that's just. That's just silly. And so I really learned how to embrace those emotions. I learned how to have a down day and just have a down day. Don't be upset about it. It is perfectly fine if you're just going to have a day where you're just not your best self, where you might say something that wasn't quite what maybe you should have said, that's okay if you hurt anybody's feelings. I needed to go back and own that for sure and take responsibility. It wasn't like that. It wasn't like I was just blowing people off or whatnot, but it was just like, you know, just. You just knew you weren't. I didn't force myself to be somebody I wasn't. And I think with alcohol, I did that. I did that a lot. Um, so that was, uh. So now me and the emotions are starting to get to know each other, and again, that is a huge part of the work. We're starting to get to know each other, and then we roll around to April, and it was just like, and again, it's a spring here, so, you know, add your seasons in there and how they're affecting me. But it was just like, the clouds opened up and the sun started shining. I suddenly was embracing the word sober when prior to this, I was still kind of lying. I was still like, well, you know, I'm just kind of laying off alcohol for a little while.
In the beginning, I lied about everything. I got an infected tooth. I'm in a sober challenge. I'm the designated driver if you ever need an excuse. I got one for you. And I stand by that. I needed to do that in those early days. I stand by what I did there. I was protecting myself. I had. And now I was, like, embracing it. I was just so open about it. And it was almost like that time period, my identity was changing. I didn't know it.
I felt this turmoil in me, and it was like I truly broke up with alcohol. It was like I was grieving. That greatest love had been there with me for everything, and I wasn't taking it to a damn thing from. From then on. So we were breaking up. This is it. It was a hard breakup. Like, you are blocked in my phone. You are blocked on social media. You are not contacting me again. And so we. I think I had to grieve that, and that was okay. That grief period was. It was a little dark, but I just kept trusting the process, and I came out into this new world. I celebrated my one year completely alcohol free. I plan to make this a lifetime commitment. I'm. There is nothing about my life that was better with alcohol. Not a damn thing. Nothing.
My son is getting married in a couple of months, and I don't feel sad that I won't be drinking at his wedding. I don't think it will be less than in any way. I think it will be more than. It will be so much better not drinking. I'm not judgmental in any way of people who. Who are drinking. That's not what this is at all. This is a completely personal, on me choice. This is better for me. I have my own little n a bar planned for his wedding so that I can offer my friends some of my favorite na wines and na beers just to be supportive of wherever anybody is on their journey.
Or maybe they're just the dd that night. Maybe they're pregnant. I don't care. I just. Welcome to my little na world that I love. My confidence is so much better. This will sound arrogant, but at some point.
I was listening to Mel Robbins throughout this period, and she said, you need to look yourself in the eye every day in the mirror and say, I'm fucking awesome. And she says, you got to do it. You might not. You might not. You won't believe it. You won't believe it initially. And then she made a point about how you have to really look yourself in the eye, and that is hard at first. When I started, I walked by the mirror, and it was a quick glance, and I said it and kept going. Like, I didn't. And then I'm like, this is stupid, you know? And I didn't. Like, I'd forget a few days, and then I do it again, and then it's like, no, you got to look yourself in the eye. So then I really stopped, and I would look myself in the eye, and I would say, you're fucking awesome. And I didn't believe it. Didn't believe it. But now I believe it, and not in an arrogant way at all. I don't think I'm above making mistakes. I don't think I'm, you know, above anything. I think I'm awesome in the way that I can bring my best self forward. I can be intentional. I can be genuine. I'm. I am a. I am a compassionate person. I love people, and. And I know that I can. I can bring that out.
And in that way do. I mean, I'm awesome. And when you really, truly look yourself in the eye and say that it is.
That's weird. It is so weird initially, but then it gets to the point where it's like, yeah, I. Okay, I kind of believe that. And then you start to, like, you hop out of bed, and it's what you do before you brush teeth.
So it's good. That was a good thing.
Let's see. I think that kind of brings us to today.
Oh, no. I wanted to say one thing about the data part.
So I had mentioned earlier that I love data. It's a part of what I do in work, and you should always have a measurement of your success. Right. So I made a pie chart for myself at one point to look at how much of my day was spent in relation to alcohol. So I included the morning waking hours. I included those because I was mad at myself for anything I drank the night before. And then the exercise that came with it, I included those hours and in the duration that came with it. I'm not doing this again. Why did you do it? You're never. Whatever, you're never going to succeed. Those kind of. That negative self talk. I included that time. I had a good, you know, chunk of time at work where I was productive and it wasn't involved. But then as it got closer to the evening hours, I. That time started to be consumed with, what will I drink tonight? Will I drink tonight? Oh, why not? Might as well drink another night, right? And then that goes into the evening hours. And I included the crappy sleep at the end of the day. And my pie chart showed me 84% of my day was owned by alcohol because I gave it that power, not because it took it. I gave it. It is an addictive substance. So there is that. I mean, I. But. But there's. I. It owned 84% of my day. And I am so happy now when I think about it. Doesn't have any of my day. It has none of my day. I don't think. I mean, I have my little routine that I still do. Yeah, I get up in the morning, I have my quiet time with my copy, with my journal, or I'm writing a note to somebody or, you know, I have my little things that I do, my gratitude. But those are just mental health healthy. They're not about alcohol anymore. They're not about dealing with cravings. They're not, you know, it. It's not about that. I have your group that I participate in, which was a godsend that, you know, I kept hearing in the podcast, find a community, find a community. And I was like, I don't know where to find a community. They're not at Walmart, they're not on the shelf. I can't find one anywhere. I live in a very rural area and good God, I'm not going to walk up to somebody and be like, you want to be my sober buddy? I need a community and I'm not going to a, that just, that's a whole, that's, that's a valid place for, it has a lot of merit. I'm not saying that it doesn't, it just wasn't the path I was going to take. So you had just this random post about a book you were reading in your book club and I was like, well, yeah, I slid right in your dm's. How does one join this book club? And then you gave me the information and there I was and I had this beautiful community of support and love and compassion. It was a place where you can talk about your thoughts so just real, so open and you can hear that you're not crazy. You can hear that. You know what tools might help you through that. There's a little accountability there as well. Like you, you want to, you want to report back to the group? Hey, I did my first sober wedding. It went great. Or it was this or that. You know, most first things don't go great. Oh, they didn't for me, they might for you. Anyone else listening? I hope they do. But some of them just felt a little awkward because you got to get comfortable in your new skin and then. So community is huge.
Community was, was a huge point of my success as well.
[00:43:33] Speaker B: Yeah, wonderful. I just, I felt like this is just such a great conversation for people who are like, what is the first year like without drinking? And, and you led up to it so, so kindly, you know, like sharing all your previous attempts and that you had learned from them that they weren't a waste of time. Because I think people get frustrated with that. Like, oh, if I only would have given this up ten years ago or whatever, I just can't get it, or I'm frustrated or why do I keep doing this? It's like it is all part of the process to get to where you are now. And we always talk about would we go back to our past selves and what would we say to our past selves? And I'm like, I would just say, I love you, you're going to be okay. And I don't know, that I would tell past Debbie, like, stop drinking when you're 21 or whatever, because I wouldn't be where I am now. I wouldn't have gotten together with my husband. I wouldn't have my kids. I wouldn't have met you or all the wonderful people I've met along the way. So it's. You know, our hindsight is like, okay, this is how it was supposed to happen. Those were all leading me to where I am today. What do you think about that?
[00:44:57] Speaker C: That is so true. I. Yes, I agree with you 100%. I have a picture of myself on. Like I said, September 18 was my day that I had. You know what I consider my official no more drinking day. And I have a picture of myself from September 16, and I use that as kind of, like, my year one comparison. And when I look at that woman from September 16, 2023, I want to wrap my arms around her. I want to just love her because I know how much I was not loving her. And I just want to say thank you. I just want to say, you're doing it, girl. You're doing just fine. You're doing what you need to be doing right now.
You're doing with what you know at the time. And I think of that often, like, I don't regret that. I don't. I just don't regret. There's no place for shame or guilt as far as, like, the regret and different things. Like, I should have done this ten years ago or. Well, last ten years of my life. I mean, they weren't horrible like you said. There's great things that happen, too. And then where I'm at now, I feel the same way. And, you know, we have this beautiful friendship that I can't imagine my life without now. I just can. And there's. You know, there's people.
That's another piece of it, too, is my relationships are so intentional now. The people that I am close to is. I'm close to them in a different way. I'm close in a. It's just I'm very connected. I'm very present in that relationship, and I can give myself in a whole different way to them. And it.
My relationships feel really good. Really good.
And some had to go through a transition, you know, for them. I mean, one of the person, you know, one person the closest to me besides my husband, my cousin, she was off on an overseas trip buying all this beer and wine for us. She was in Germany and Austria, and she was dragging it all back because we were going to have a heck of a, you know, party afterwards, or we were going to taste all this, all these drinks, and she didn't know that I had taken off headfirst on this journey. And when she got back, all excited, her purchases, and I was like, yeah, I'm not drinking anymore. And she was like, oh, okay, okay. What do you need from me? And I said, I just need you to include me. I need you to love me and just be patient with me. And she's like, oh, okay, I can do that. Do you have any idea how much alcohol I bought? She said, like, and we laughed so hard, like, but for her, I ripped the rug right out from underneath her in a way, you know? And I had to give, and she was fabulous throughout the year, you know, but there were. She had to work through that, too, and she had to have time to transition to this new identity I was creating in myself. And she did. She did beautifully. But you really have to give the relationships around you sometimes.
[00:47:59] Speaker B: Yeah, definitely. Something else that stood out for me was when you were talking about, like, you talked about how much power you had given alcohol and taking your power back. And I just always think of the inverse Spider man quote whenever anyone talks about power, because the Spider man quote is, with great power comes great responsibility, and the inverse is, with respect. Responsibility comes great power. And I think that's what you did so beautifully that you showed, like, I'm. I'm driving the bus. I'm in charge here. I'm going to allow my emotions to ride with me, my cravings to ride with me, but I'm not going to let alcohol rule my life anymore and take up 85% of the day. You know, I remember that graphic. I shared it on Instagram. I'll have to share it again of how much time alcohol takes a in our head and to get that brain space back. Wow. What a gift. What a gift.
[00:49:03] Speaker C: Yeah, it is. It is a gift, and it is one. It is a gift that I still continue to open every day. It doesn't. It just every day still continues to feel like this gift of a new day. I can do.
I can run this day however I want to run this day. And if. If I'm going to be a little bit down today, for whatever reason, my emotions are there, I'm going to do that today. And that's a gift, too, to allow yourself that freedom.
[00:49:35] Speaker B: You kind of shared throughout, like, what was making you successful this time, but what kind of stands out to you as, like, what made it stick this time? Like, what were some of the top things that made it stick for you.
[00:49:50] Speaker C: Self love. Number one, being just super kind and compassionate to myself every day. You can do this. You are doing this. You did this yesterday. You will do this today. That was number one.
[00:50:00] Speaker B: And you're fucking awesome.
[00:50:02] Speaker C: Yep, yep, and you're fucking awesome. That helped a ton, too. That helped the.
Just moving my body was very important. And I didn't. I wasn't exercising like I had been before. It was really just in steps. It was just walking, just making sure that I was. That I was moving my body a little bit, playing it forward.
What would that drink do for me? What would it really do for me? Do I want that one drink? Do I want more than one? Where will this go? That was very helpful to me. Another piece that was so helpful to me was I timed my cravings so when I would start to feel like that witching hour come upon me, like, talking about, oh, just have a glass of wine, for crying out loud. You're just gonna sit here all night and drink sparkling water? The hell's wrong with you? I would start the timer on my phone to see how long that truly lasted, and I saw that it was anywhere from eight to ten minutes.
Like, eight to ten minutes. Would I kind of think about that? Eventually, that got shorter. Shorter and shorter, but eight to ten minutes. And it was like, well, I mean, think about it. You can do anything for eight to ten minutes. We're stuck in traffic for eight to ten minutes. We're stuck in the line at the store for eight to ten minutes. I mean, you know, there's a lot of things you can endure for eight to ten minutes. My labors were a day long. So. So with that in mind, I started breaking the days up into how many eight to ten increments are there in a day? And then I told myself I had been successful for x number of times, so say I'd been successful for 10,208 to ten minute increments that I could do one more. So I did. I did a little bit of that. That was helpful. The podcasts were helpful. Community.
[00:51:52] Speaker B: Yeah, community. Huge. Love yourself. Move your body. Play it forward. The timing of the cravings, I love. I loved how the little numbers geek came out of, but that's the practice. That's what you're doing. You're practicing, you're learning. You're learning to sit with it, sit with the feelings. No, feeling is final. It'll pass. And even when you were sharing about your full year, like, you did have this period of a gray cloud, and it passed. It was a season. So that's just so wonderful. I like the tangible ideas and the.
[00:52:30] Speaker C: Gray cloud, though it had a purpose, even though it was there and I had to go through it, it had a very deep purpose. It was there. It was my grieving period. It was my identity changing. And I would go through that again four times as long if I knew that.
It took me a while to realize that's what happened during that time. And the way that I realized it was through journaling. I would frequently would go back and read my journal to see like, how far have I come this year? I wasn't great about journaling every day, but that really helped me see the theme of my moods throughout the year and how things had changed.
[00:53:11] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Just great, great tips. Thank you for sharing that. So what are your plans for the future?
[00:53:20] Speaker C: Well, I'm pretty excited. I never thought I could be successful in a sober life, in an alcohol free life. I just, you know, I started that at the beginning. I'm not going to go down that whole path of that again. But once I realized that I can be successful and I can be more than successful, I can. I can really rock this thing. I really want to work with others who are wanting the same thing. And so with that being said, I have a website, goldendaysobriety.com. i started a blog there. The blog is looking at, you know, day one compared to a year later. So I really want to compare the, in contrast throughout this year, what that looks like. So right now we're just up to three weeks. Three, because, you know, we just hit the three week mark and we're recording this early in October. So I really want people to have that resource to look at. It may help somebody. I just don't want people to feel alone. I've gotten a certification and life coaching recently and I'm also in a program to be certified as a recovery coach and I am certified as a smart recovery facilitator. And so with that, I think that goes along with our background as nurses. We like to be very trained in what we're doing. Right.
We're trained in a high way, I guess, if you put it that. And so I would like to work with others that are wanting the same in a coaching manner. I would like to coach others to find the same freedom. It's the most beautiful thing in the world. I think there's a special need out there in a lot of ways. I think healthcare workers have gone through a trauma, through Covid. A lot was expected out of them. And then we just went back to, thank goodness, life as usual. Thank goodness we did get there. But I think, you know, some healing is going to be needed to be done in that capacity. And I relate well to them. I relate really well to the 50 and up woman. I seem to do well with that generation, even in 60 and up. I think there's, you know, a need there to help some of those women find an alcohol free life, if that is what they desire. I just feel so good about it. I feel, yeah, so empowered now that I just want to help whoever else is out there that wants to get there. Like, come on, we can do this. We can do this. And so that's what I want to do now with my spare time.
[00:55:49] Speaker B: I love that. I'll put those links in there. Yeah. Goldendaysobriety.com and, yeah, I just want to thank you for just jumping into the group, coming into our community, the alcohol tipping point, and helping out, just sharing so much of your journey. And then Danielle's been hosting some connection calls inside the group, and you're just a natural. And I just. I'm so grateful for you. I'm so glad that we connected. Danielle came on my retreat to Georgia, so we met for the first time in person there, and she came to sober in the city, Seattle. And I just feel like, oh, I just have a friend for life, too. Like, it's. It's kind of crazy that, you know, we say, like, everybody has, like, a shit pickle.
Drinking was our shit pickle, and yet, gosh, what gifts it has given us, like, just to have this friendship with you. Like, wow, what a gift that has been and continues to be. So thank you.
[00:56:53] Speaker C: I couldn't agree more. Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you do. I've listened to you for many years. So it was you. You've had just so many great episodes out there that. That helped me. Oh, so much.
[00:57:10] Speaker B: Oh, good. Well, I'm so glad that, like, you're part of this journey and you're sharing your story.
If anyone else is listening and, like, this is inspiring to you, if you want to reach out and share your story or even, you know, think, like, goshen, a year from now, I'm going to share my story on the podcast. Like, use this as inspiration. And if you want to join a community, join a group, come join the next alcoholiday. Run them every month. I always have a link in my show notes for that. And just know that you're not alone, that there are, that you can change. And Danielle, thank you for sharing your story.
I'm just so happy I get to continue to watch you grow and that we get to do it together. So thank you.
[00:57:57] Speaker C: Yes, thank you. Thank you so much.
[00:58:01] Speaker A: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. Please share and review the show so you can help other people too. I want you to know I'm always here for you so please reach out and talk to me on instagram at alcoholtippingpoint and check out my website alcoholtippingpoint.com for free resources and help. No matter where where you are on your drinking journey, I want to encourage you to just keep practicing, keep going. I promise you are not alone and you are worth it. Every day you practice not drinking is a day you can learn from. I hope you can use these tips we talked about for the rest of your week and until then talk to you next time.
