[00:00:04] Speaker A: Welcome to the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. I'm your host, Deb Masner. I'm a registered nurse, health coach, and alcohol free badass. I have found that there's more than one way to address drinking. If you've ever asked yourself if drinking is taking more than it's giving, or if you've found that you're drinking more than usual, you may have reached your own alcohol tipping point. The alcohol tipping point is a podcast for you to find tips, tools, and thoughts to change your drinking. Whether whether you're ready to quit forever or a week, this is the place for you. You are not stuck, and you can change. Let's get started.
Welcome back to the podcast. Today I have Carrie May. Carrie is a nurse practitioner. Hello to a fellow nurse, and she is also a certified addiction recovery coach with a she recovers designation. She is the founder of both Brave and Chicago AF. Chicago AF is her nonprofit sober community, which hosts weekly support meetings and alcohol free social events. Carrie is passionate about normalizing sobriety and curating space for authentic sober connection. So welcome to the show, Carrie.
[00:01:23] Speaker B: Thank you, Deb. Thank you for inviting me. Super excited to be here.
[00:01:27] Speaker A: I'm so glad you're here because we have mutual friends in Mary Tilson from sun and moon sober living. And you've done some retreats. Yeah. And you have some upcoming ones, so we'll get to that. And then Heather lowe from the dream.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:01:43] Speaker A: Totally adore her. This is the first time we've met, so I'm excited to hear, like, about your story and your experience with drinking and what brought you to where you're at right now.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: Yeah, so I'll just start. I'll start in high school. I started drinking a little bit in high school and progressed through college and was kind of, if you want to call it normal, kind of a normal drinker all through college, and then I pretty much drank my whole adult life. I remember just coming, you know, drinking one glass of wine at night, and I remember one time deciding I was gonna have a second glass of wine and just kind of like, saying it out loud a little bit, you know, to my husband, just saying, I think I'm gonna have a second glass. And he said, really? Do you think you need that? And I thought, yeah, I do, you know, and that was okay for a really long time. I pretty much. My drinking didn't become problematic till about two to three years before it stopped. So I say two years. My husband says three years, so it was probably three.
And something happened, like my switch, like they say, flipped. My switch completely flipped. So I went from truly just being able to control how much I was drinking to not being able to control how much I was drinking. And it was very gradual. I'm very grateful I didn't have a traumatic event. I didn't. And I didn't have a major life stressor. I've always had anxiety and social anxiety.
And at that time, we had moved one town over, just literally like a seven minute move, but we really, really wanted it for better schools for our kids. And so I remember feeling more anxious and feeling kind of like I was back in high school, like, wanting to fit in with the soccer moms and, like, just all those feelings. And so I know my drinking kind of revved up a little bit at that point, but I didn't really think too much about it. And so then it just became very problematic with my husband, and he was not tolerating it anymore. I had tried to moderate. I tried everything. I tried by myself. I tried all the rules.
Only one drink here, only on the weekends, only on vacation.
And it didn't work. And I just kind of kept spiraling more and more and more. Then my husband actually came home and had seen a divorce attorney that day, and I didn't realize he was home early, which is really unusual for him. He doesn't come home early. And so at that time, I literally just kind of threw my hands up in the air and just said, take me in. Just take me in. And I knew, like, I didn't need detox because I'm a medical professional, I knew I didn't, but I knew if I did not get help right then and there, I would convince myself the next day that, that I couldn't do it because I could not do it. I could not say that I had a problem with drinking. I couldn't really, I don't know. And I had tried alone for a really long time. And so it's interesting. So he actually took me to the emergency department where I currently work. I didn't work there at that time, and I just had fluids and, you know, whatever, and really just fluids.
And then a really nice provider, thankfully switch shifts because they were just going to send me home and somebody came in and was actually compassionate to me. And the fact that my drinking was so problematic that I told my husband to please take me to a healthcare facility. And I'm so grateful that this person gives me chills, was actually kind to me and said, you know what? I think we're starting a new program. I think that you would be a really good candidate for this. And it's an inpatient. It was inpatient residential treatment. And so I think that you should give it a try, you know? And, of course, like, I had a job. I have children. I can't do this. I can't whatever. And I said, yes, I think I need to do that. And so I, of course, wanted to go home first because I wanted to drink, because there's no way I could do that. And they said, no, no, you should go straight there. They'll bring you anything that you need. And so I did. I went into inpatient treatment for 23 days. And it was the best decision I ever made for myself because I could not stop drinking. And they brought AA meetings into treatment, and I didn't want to participate in AA. I didn't want to go to AA. I had a very big professional chip on my shoulder. Like, just with being in the healthcare profession, I felt like it made me.
I don't know, made my story more special or more hard. You know, it's not. It's everybody's story. It's their story.
But I went to. When I got out of treatment, I couldn't wait to get out. And then I was so scared. Like, I just remember my husband took me to lunch, and I was, like, trembling. I was like, I don't know anybody sober. I don't know a single sober individual. The only person I knew was my aunt, who lives in New York. So I had no one. And so I did. I went to an AA meeting the next morning at 630 in the morning. I don't mean this, like, sound anything, but I figured professional women would be at this meeting because it was 630 in the morning. And I really felt like if I could surround myself with other professional people that had an issue with drinking, that maybe I could, I don't know, be okay.
So anyway, that became my home group. And I'm so grateful I walked through that door. I don't know how I did. I did it by myself. And so I have a very strong aa background. I have a eight and a half years of sobriety.
But I also realized that I needed more than aa, and I needed more than what was going on there. And so I kept trying. I wanted to find more women. I wanted to find more moms. I didn't have any, like, all my mom friends drank, maybe not to the degree that I did. They didn't know to what degree I did, but we all drank together. So anyway. And so then I just kept. I just kept seeking more like, that's what kind of what led me to developing my nonprofit. But I just wanted, I needed to connect with more people, so I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and I live in Arlington Heights, which is a suburb of Chicago. I pushed myself to go down into the city to different non alcoholic events. I found some events. So she recovers in the very early days, and I was just struck. I was like, thank you. Yes. There's. Or people out there, because there really weren't podcasts then. There wasn't as much talk at that time. There was home with Laura and holly, and they were my podcast friends. I was like, my family thinks I'm crazy because I talk about my friend. My friends are my podcast friends, and I.
But it's just like that was the beginning of the story. I continue to work on my sobriety every day. I really try to help others so that I can, I love to help other people get sober. I really, because I felt so not confident in my sobriety and not proud of my sobriety my first three years. I really like to help other people, especially women, own it sooner than I did because it was really hard for me. So it was, it was very hard for a couple years, but it's, you know, it's amazing. Of course. It's amazing.
[00:09:08] Speaker A: Yeah. Thank you for sharing your story and your background and everything. So were you working as a nurse then or a nurse practitioner? Yeah, tell me about that.
[00:09:21] Speaker B: Yeah, so I've been a nurse practitioner for actually over 20 years. I actually, I went straight, I worked one year in nursing and then went straight to get my masters. And so, yes, I was working, and so I took a medical leave. I was working in a different emergency department, and I actually was working in a private, private practice at that time because it fit with my kids schedules as well. So, yeah, that's what I was doing at that time.
[00:09:47] Speaker A: And do you think. I mean. Cause I worked as a nurse, too, and actually worked inpatient on a med surg unit at the Pa.
Yeah. Cool.
[00:09:57] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:58] Speaker A: But a part of our patient panel was detoxing veterans, and then I'm sure you saw a lot of people come in who needed a medical detox. And just being in the medical field, I think we see the rock bottom. We see the extreme of alcohol use disorder. Right. So everybody else looks normal and like they're doing okay. What was your experience like being a nurse practitioner? Having a problem seeing how the healthcare community treats people with alcohol use disorder? Like, can you talk to that?
[00:10:35] Speaker B: I would love to hear yours yeah, definitely. So one thing I'll just say from, like, a personal standpoint, like, when I was getting help, when I was in. When I was inpatient, there was pushed on me to report it, like, to the board, and that really was so traumatic to me because I was so scared when I was in treatment, and I didn't know, like, up, from down, from left, my mom had to come in to take care of my children. Like, it was. It was really, like. And I didn't. My drinking, I was very high, functional, and I didn't miss a day of work. It had nothing. The reason I sought treatment was not because of my job. It was because of my personal relationships. And so there kept being this, like, intense pressure for me to report it to the board, and I'm really grateful that I didn't, because there was not a need for that, you know? And I kept being told I was going to relapse. I kept being told, like, you know, from the people that wanted me to report it to the board and even from my primary care provider. When I followed up with her the first time after treatment, and I was so scared that she would find out, and she did, because I sent my records, she told me I would relapse. And so. And what I've seen is just really sad. So I feel that, like, in society, like, overall, we've made, like, huge leaps and bounds with, like, the non alcoholic movement, with creating a. With the beverages, with acceptance, with all of it, but not in the medical community. So I'm also trained as a hospitalist, and so I did that for a couple of years when I very first got sober. That was a really, really good career move for me because it kept my brain, like, super fresh and gave me something to focus on, like, just very intensely. So I've been able to have the honor to care for patients from the beginning, all the way through discharge. And so I feel that we miss such an opportunity while patients are hospitalized to help transition them to resources. You know, I feel like people talk about them, you know, as drunks, and another drunk here, another drunk there, you know, and giving report to one another. There is just such a lack of compassion. And, you know, even when they come into the ER, I feel that the treatment is very inhumane by a lot of providers and just the staff, and I think we need to work on that collectively.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: I do, too. I mean, I feel like, because we've only seen the extremes, and there was, like, this old school labeling that, yeah, we've just done a disservice and I also think, like, I've been working in preventative health and in a wellness department for the last years, and we are all about. Yeah, but it's so ironic, too, because we're all about prevention. Like, we do health screenings and we treat pre hypertension, pre diabetes. We're checking your cholesterol, your weight, all that. We're trying to get all this preventative health care so that you don't get further along the line. But we don't do that for alcohol. We don't do that for addiction. You don't get medical treatment until you're rock bottom, till you're going into the erde.
[00:13:51] Speaker B: Right.
And then there's still such a stigma. And so if it gets labeled in your chart, I see firsthand that if you have had a problem and you've sought help for it now, that stays with you and it's still there. There's a lot of stigma associated with it from a medical standpoint.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: And what do you think we can do? Like, what needs to change?
[00:14:18] Speaker B: I think more education. I don't, you know, I don't know what the medical schools and, you know, the, you know, the other providers are currently, but I. Teaching, but I don't think there's a focus on it. And we know so much about alcohol's harmful effects now, and essentially none is good for you. And I just think really being able to capture people when they come into the hospital and not even just for detox, when they're coming in, and you can clearly see that they're having liver issues, that they're having all of these issues to have the conversations there as well, from the inpatient standpoint.
[00:14:55] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And definitely starting with your primary care provider just recognizing, oh, there are other options. You could start on some medication.
[00:15:07] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:15:08] Speaker A: Interesting.
It still makes me sad, though. I want, it's just glacially.
Yes, I think it's changing. Like, I'm starting to see more and more medical organizations come out with their new recommendations. Like, no amount of alcohol is safe for your heart, for your health, period.
[00:15:31] Speaker B: Right.
[00:15:32] Speaker A: But I think it does keep people stuck and afraid to your point. Like, afraid of seeking help because it's on your record, because you could lose your job.
[00:15:43] Speaker B: Right. And even after I sought treatment and I've, it was so important for me to have that label taken out of my chart. Like, I, like, kind of begged my provider to please unclick, like, whatever it was, like alcohol use disorder or alcohol whatever, because I just didn't want to further be like as I seek treatment down the road, I am sober. I don't drink alcohol anymore, you know, and I.
[00:16:13] Speaker A: Right, right. Like, it's resolved. I mean, you can take things off your problem list. Right.
[00:16:18] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. So I just think lots of education.
[00:16:22] Speaker A: And what about a person that is hearing this and they're like, well, fuck that, I'm not gonna go because it keeps a lot of people from going in or talking to their doctor.
What would you say to someone who is struggling and they are afraid of those other repercussions with their insurance, with their job of that?
[00:16:45] Speaker B: Yeah, I would just encourage them to still be honest, to still talk about it with their provider, to still actively, like, have the discussion, you know? You know what? You know, what are you going to mark in my. I mean, just to have, like, an open discussion with the provider about it and moving forward? Because I hear that so much from, like, people in my community and just people that I know that are. That are alcohol free, that were never honest with their provider. We're not honest with their therapist about what the real issue is, you know? And so I just think we just have to, like, we are, in other aspects, just being more loud about it and just continuing to have more conversation to make it more normalized.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think, too, it's like, it's almost like another. Choose your hard.
[00:17:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:37] Speaker A: Would you rather get help and overcome this and feel better and have all these improved mental and physical health outcomes? Would you rather have that or have this on your record or have this. It's like, would I rather do something for my life, for myself or have a label on my record?
[00:18:02] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:18:03] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. But I think to your point, I think that's good, that in just telling people to be honest, to talk to your doctor and to ask, hey, do I have to have this on my diagnosis list? Does that need to be there? And because they do have the ability.
[00:18:21] Speaker B: To remove 100%, and that did happen to me, that happened to me also is I saw a different provider and had that honest discussion with her, and she took it off my list. So I just was very honest about it and just. I was a little nervous to talk about it, but we had the talk. It was good.
[00:18:41] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. And so you're doing inpatient detox now as a nurse practitioner? As a.
[00:18:48] Speaker B: No, I work in the emergency department.
[00:18:50] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: I'm just. I'm an emergency department provider.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I thought you were doing hospitalists too, or so.
[00:18:59] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm back in the ER, so my career as an NP has primarily been in the emergency department for a couple years. I was doing hospitalist, which I love, and I still moonlight there, but I'm back in the ER.
[00:19:13] Speaker A: So what are you seeing in the ER now as far as alcohol use and detox and what does that look like?
[00:19:21] Speaker B: So, I mean, we see it all. I mean, we can see people, like, actively vomiting blood to, like, you know, slumped in their chair to.
I mean, just everything to just being belligerent or a lot of people coming in because their family members are wanting them to get help.
And what I'm also seeing is that there's fewer and fewer, like, inpatient options for people. Even the place that I sought treatment and then I took meetings back in for about three years, closed down. And so I'm finding it even harder to find, like, referrals, you know, places where people can go, because there's not really that many beds lately, so it's hard. And my particular hospital doesn't even offer detox. They'll tran, like, they'll transfer you to somewhere else if you need detox. So I'm finding it becoming, like, more and more specialized and a little bit harder to get care, to be honest.
[00:20:18] Speaker A: Yeah. So what do you, what would you say to someone who is struggling and they're wanting to quit drinking?
[00:20:28] Speaker B: I would definitely encourage them to get help, like, get professional help if you need. If you feel like you need inpatient or, like, a day type program or an outpatient type program to find out what facilities are in your community and then make a call to the admissions director and see if you feel that you need that level of care and if you feel like you need other care to just seek out any sort of help. Like, even just telling another sober person, talking with your family, go to any sort of meeting, a twelve step meeting. And there's a lot of different communities now. There's so much community. But my biggest, biggest advice is to do it in person. Like, if you can talk to somebody in person, because it.
[00:21:17] Speaker A: Why do you say that?
[00:21:18] Speaker B: Yeah. Cause I think the accountability and the addressing it is just like, you've ripped off all the band aids. Like, you have just your shell that has been protecting you for so long and that shell that is telling you and protecting that you can still drink, things are still okay now. You've said it out loud, and you've said it to a person that can. Can help you, help you find what you need, because there's so many resources.
[00:21:46] Speaker A: And then, so you became passionate. Like, when did you start doing, like, your coaching and Chicago, as, can you talk about, like, now, how you're helping people, what you're doing?
[00:21:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you. So my first three years of sobriety were really focused on me and, like, figuring out how I was going to be sober, what I was going to do, how I was going to move forward.
Socializing, practicing socializing. I love how you talk about practicing sobriety. And so then during the pandemic, actually, I actually got furloughed during the pandemic because no one was coming to the ER because everybody was afraid of COVID Oh, it's very interesting that I did. They didn't need me, so I had extra time on my hands, and I just decided to become a recovery coach. And so I went through that training. I kind of always like to have, like, some sort of project in the myth. I was like, do I get a PhD or do I do this or. So I'm just like, so I decided to do that. And that's where I, like, the concept of brave came from, which is my professional recovery coaching practice. And it was interesting with the name, just because I have a lot of anxiety and I feel like anything I do, I have to push through that anxiety, like, even to talk to you, to, like, you know, to go downtown and push myself when I don't know anybody and show up at these events to just do it, picking. Just do it. And so I started my coaching during the pandemic and then organically came upon this idea of hiking with another woman that I had met in sobriety. I wasn't looking for it. It just, like, hit me. I just. I went on this spontaneous trip with her to Sedona, and I didn't really know her, so I was a little nervous. And the way we were able to connect was, like, insane to me. Like, just being able to have this common goal, to be, like, hiking on this trail, to open up to one another and just the sense of comfort and fun and, like, we did it together. I just kind of was like, I have to do this again. Like, I feel like I really want to do this again and create this offering for other women. And so that's kind of what I did.
So I've done this.
[00:24:05] Speaker A: What you call. Is that what, like, adventure recovery coaching is? Yeah.
[00:24:10] Speaker B: So it's essentially just getting people off grid outside doing some sort of, like, combined activity together or adventure together. With mine, I do hiking, so we really hike. Like, I pick challenging hikes or my husband helps, too. Like, like, one hike we did in Yosemite was actually, like, hard and I didn't know that. I thought it was, like, moderate. So we're all, like, kind of, like, huffing and puffing.
But we did it right. We got to the top. It was so awesome. And, like, afterwards, you know, my husband was like, I knew you guys could do it. You were fine.
But it's that sense of accomplishment of doing something together, and it's kind of a metaphor for sobriety, right? Like, you can do it together. And so.
And I love the way when you're hiking, you don't have to look at the person. You can just hike and walk and talk. And it's very organic. And it's very organic from a coaching standpoint, too, because I really try to make sure I touch base with every single person that comes in. Some, like, they may not know I'm doing it, but I'm, like, walking with them or I'll go back, you know, and just kind of, I don't know. It's just like a really cool way of organically doing group coaching, and it's really fun because then those people have really, like, achieved this accomplishment together and they stay in touch. You know, some groups stay in touch more than others, but it's really. It's the endorphins get flowing and it's. I love it.
[00:25:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. It shows through. And you have some exciting trips planned, too, right? Tell us what you're doing for 2025.
[00:25:47] Speaker B: So 2025. I'm going to Nepal with Mary Tilson, and I'm so pumped for that. I'm really, really excited. And I've never done a trek like that before, so I'm really excited to train for it, and it's just going to be amazing. So we're doing the everest base camp trek, and she has done this before, and so I'm just really excited to do this with her.
[00:26:11] Speaker A: Yeah. That is so cool. Well, I want to go back to anxiety because you said, like, that's something you struggle with. That was something you were self medicating with, with alcohol. So how do you manage your anxiety now? Do you have any tips there?
[00:26:27] Speaker B: Yeah, so that. That's good, too. And, yeah, so I take medication for anxiety, and when I was in treatment, I actually got diagnosed with depression as well. So I knew had generalized anxiety disorder. And then I thought maybe my depression was just an acute phase. But I have since seen it. I have seen an addiction psychiatrist, actually an NP, a nurse practitioner ever since I got sober, and I still am being treated for both. And so I take my medications, and when I initially got sober. I also saw an addiction therapist for a year or two. I threw the kitchen sink at it. When I first got sober, everything that they recommended that I do, I did. I was like, carrie is no longer in charge. Carrie's method is not working. I took naltrexone. They recommended I take naltrexone. That kind of really threw everything at it. But with the anxiety, you know, I used to, like, pregame with a couple of drinks before I did things, and so no more pre gaming. Not with alcohol. At least I pregame differently. So I feel like when I'm about to go out and do something social, I'll get a topo chico or have a non alcoholic beverage or a Diet coke and still try to do a similar kind of routine to just kind of get myself together and everything with my anxiety, too. I talk about things that are going on if I'm not feeling well. I say that actually, when I got back from my last retreat, I felt very anxious for about two weeks afterwards. I have no idea why it.
There was no reason. So my husband recognized it, and we talked about it. We take a walk every evening. So I really do a lot of self care in the form of napping.
[00:28:12] Speaker A: I love napping. Girl, that is my jam.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: Yes, me too. I'm telling you. Because I used to check out with alcohol. You know, at the time, I did not know that that's what I was doing, but I was checking out. And so when I need to check out or not, if I'm. I love to nap.
[00:28:36] Speaker A: I do, too. I've taken it to a whole other level.
[00:28:40] Speaker B: So tell me.
[00:28:42] Speaker A: Okay, well, I will tell you, because anyone who knows me well knows that I love to. Anyway, I have. My daughters got these weighted blankets. Remember when they were in. Oh, yeah.
[00:28:54] Speaker B: My daughter blankets.
[00:28:54] Speaker A: So I just pulled out one of those weighted blanket, and then I have, like, this fleece y kind of scarf, but it goes right over my eyes and my ears, and I'm just saying I'll put on, like, a guided meditation. Oh, yes. But you're right. Like, it. I want to check out. I want to leave the world. I want. Even if it's ten minutes. Like, I. It's that checking out.
[00:29:22] Speaker B: Yeah. And so it kind of became funny in my family. Even if I, like, couldn't take a nap, if I, like, lay on my bed and I have the blanket up above my head, it's don't let mom be. Just let.
So that kind of, like, became our signal, you know?
[00:29:40] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. And do you sometimes work your day around. Like, when am I nap?
[00:29:46] Speaker B: I'm like, I'm taking a nap. I. It is. It is like a baby, but it feels really good and I feel better for it and, like, I'm not ashamed.
Good.
[00:29:58] Speaker A: Good.
[00:29:58] Speaker B: That's so funny.
[00:29:59] Speaker A: I was just thinking, like, I had to pull an all day or yesterday, but I've talked to people that even, like, if you have to work, obviously it's hard to nap. But, like, if you can just even go to your cardinal for ten minutes and close your eyes or at your desk or go to the bathroom. What? You know, like, whatever that looks like for you. Okay. I'm sorry I got so excited about nappy.
[00:30:27] Speaker B: No, I love that because I don't. I never, like, I'm so glad you.
[00:30:31] Speaker A: Met another napper who's totally, I really.
[00:30:36] Speaker B: Think it helps my sobriety and it, and it, you know, it helps me manage stress and I rejuvenate, then it's great.
[00:30:43] Speaker A: I think that they just did a study. I know because a couple people sent it to me that said, people who nap live longer.
[00:30:51] Speaker B: Good.
Yeah.
[00:30:53] Speaker A: My friend was like, you're gonna live forever.
But you know what? To your point, I think that people are not ashamed, but we're just in a society where busy and being productive is, there's like a badge of honor. And it seems, quote unquote lazy to say, like, oh, I like to nap. I like to take a time out.
[00:31:18] Speaker B: Yes, I do too. And so even, even with my husband because he is just like an energizer bunny. And I mean, I am too, but we just had to, like, he totally respects the nap now.
[00:31:36] Speaker A: Who are you and your husband now? If you don't mind that relationship? Yeah, we're better.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: But that took a really long time. That was, it was so hard to come home from treatment and like, be in my house because my eleven year old, my daughter was eleven at that time and she was like the Spitfire that got, I mean, that pushed his buttons to get me because she was like, I'm not tolerating this anymore. Like, you're going or I'm. Or we're going. You know, I mean, she, she's a little firecracker in a great way. I mean, thankfully. And so that took a lot of repair and so it was really hard for a couple of years and just, I couldn't figure out how to be, you know, I just remember just like being home and like, you know, when you talk about, like, you know, some people have like, bewitching hours or I I was so uncomfortable in my skin, and I was so uncomfortable in my home because we had had problems, and they were all directly to my drinking, all of it. Like, we've been married, like, 25 years now, and we never had any problems before my drinking got bad, ever. And so, thankfully, we've worked through it. And it's better.
It's much better. But that took a really big hit at our relationship.
[00:32:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Thank you for sharing.
[00:32:57] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:59] Speaker A: My daughter, my youngest, was, like, a little police officer.
[00:33:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: Too. For me. Like, really keeping an eye on my drinking and really overly invested.
[00:33:12] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:33:13] Speaker A: To the point where I just had to tell her, like, this is my thing. Like, this is my responsibility. I don't want you to worry about this. You know, like, this is for me. And now she's my biggest cheerleader and everything.
[00:33:32] Speaker B: Yep. And that was really hard, too. So my daughter and I went and had therapy together after I got sober. And, you know, and I just kind of remember at one point, like, you know, kind of feeling so guilty and, like, the victim and whatever, but I just remember being, like, enough. Like, I. Like, we're not going to, like, bring my drinking up anymore. Like, it is. Like, we are fixing the problem.
I don't want to feel that everything is my fault still. I just kind of remember being like, we need to take this because it had been quite some time, and I felt like I was still getting heat from it.
I also decided when I was in treatment that I was going to be an open book about it, like, open discussion when I got out of treatment. And so we talk about everything in this house, all of it, like, you know, and we're, like, a very safe, sober space for if people do need help, like, they know they can come here and whatever shape you're in. And so that's been really interesting with my son because my son was a lot younger at that time, so he doesn't really remember when I drank.
But, yeah, just being open about it with the family has been really a blessing, and I don't really know how I did that, and I'm really glad I did that.
[00:34:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. What are other ways to kind of deal with that mom? Guilt or parental guilt?
[00:34:56] Speaker B: Keep talking about it and keep working through it because it's real. It's real. And mine lasted for a long time.
I feel like I've worked through that now, but I just remember, I think, talking with other moms and talking with other sober moms because at that time in my life, I know I mentioned that, but I didn't have any friends that were also moms. And my sponsor is incredible, but he's an 82 year old man, and so when I was taught, when I was talking, he just couldn't relate. You can't relate on a mom level unless you're a mom or a parent or whatever.
Just work through it. Just keep going. It will get better. And keep talking about it.
[00:35:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I think that's key, too. And I think, you know, I always say this to moms who feel guilt. And I guess as a reminder to myself, like, our kids need to see that we're not perfect and see that we do make mistakes.
[00:36:02] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:36:02] Speaker A: But also, we overcome. Like, we can change. Anyone has the ability to change. And so to see. See your progression, I'm sure with more and more perspective, like, your daughter's gonna be like, my mom is a badass.
[00:36:18] Speaker B: Totally. Yeah. And like you said, I mean, she is my biggest supporter. Like, we're getting ready to do, like, a no booze cruise with Chicago, a app, and she took off work and wants to come again. Again?
Yeah. And it's just, you know, and to have her, like, support, you know, my sobriety activities. And that's everything. That's it.
[00:36:40] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's never too late, even if you have adult children, grandchildren. Like, I think even seeing people change, because I see a lot of people who are older, who are in their fifties, sixties, seventies, who are now, like, okay, I'm done with drinking.
[00:37:00] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:37:00] Speaker A: What does that look like?
That's okay, too. Like, good for you. It's never too late to change your drinking.
[00:37:08] Speaker B: Totally. Yeah.
[00:37:10] Speaker A: Well, tell me about Chicago af.
[00:37:13] Speaker B: So, Chicago af. So I was really excited that that finally got off the ground a little bit, because I tried a couple of things before then that did not.
[00:37:22] Speaker A: So, like, to get community.
[00:37:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:26] Speaker A: In person.
[00:37:27] Speaker B: Oh, yes, in person. And so, because all that I really knew of was aa at that time, and so I did, like, meetup. I don't know if you remember when, like, meetup was a thing, but I remember, like, creating, like, an account on meetup, and, like, some people said they would come, and I was so excited, and then nobody came. And then I remember another time, it just being, like, one woman that came, and so you're kind of, like, having, like, a blind date with somebody you don't know.
So I tried a couple of things, and then finally, because with Zoom, we were able to connect and take it from there, and it's been super cool. We've hosted a monthly social event, alcohol free, ever since we started in October of 2020.
And we have a weekly meeting on Mondays. It's free for everybody. There's no fees or anything. It's just, it's a nonprofit and it's my way of, like, giving back to the community, but it's also my way of creating a life that I need. You know, when I got sober, I kind of said goodbye to my mom. Like, the people I was hanging out with because I didn't want to hang out with people that were drinking. I could not hang out with people that were drinking. It was not an option for me at that time. I didn't, that would just kind of sounded sad to me. So I really wanted to create a life that was vibrant, that I loved to party. I like to have fun. I like to be excited. And so to create space within the Chicago community has been, like, just amazing. And now to see, like, we're partnering with Linkin Park Zoo for Oxoberfest, which is going to be 2000 people this year, all entirely alcohol free. And to work with these people that are also as invested in creating alcohol free space, they're not necessarily sober themselves, has been just amazing. Like, you know, some are, but some aren't, you know? And to just see the community wanting to create this space has just been like a game changer. And so, you know, this year is finally where Chicago Yap. I feel I always have wanted it to come from the ground up. I want the people to like, you know, so one of my friends organized a book club and, you know, we have a coffee club and we have a brunch club and, like, I haven't been to any of those. And I think it's like, awesome. Just, I want to go, but it's in the cities, you know, so it's like, it's quite a drive for me, but it's really cool to see it growing. Oh, that's great. And in real life, because I kind of like to stress to people, find your people, find your people, find someone you can hang out with in real life. And I just think that's, again, a game changer for sobriety sticking.
[00:40:14] Speaker A: And if you don't, like, if you're in Michigan or in Idaho, like, what are some other ways you can find people to connect with in real life?
[00:40:24] Speaker B: I would say you can connect online. If you can't. Like, well, if you're in real life and you're not in like, a metropolitan area, I would. Is that what you're asking?
[00:40:35] Speaker A: Or just, like, don't have a boise af or even just, you know, like finding people who get it. And a lot of the people who listen to my podcast don't relate to aa.
[00:40:48] Speaker B: Right.
[00:40:48] Speaker A: And there's a lot of, like, I do love, like, the online thing, too, but I do notice a lot of people are like, I want to find some people in real life. I want to find some friends.
[00:40:59] Speaker B: Yes. I would just encourage people to keep trying. Go to try to do some outdoor activities. Try to find anything that does not centralize around alcohol that's kind of offered in your community. If it's a fitness thing or possibly something in the morning or a group walk or group, something that's activity based or fitness based or just not drinking based would be a great way to start. And then maybe start it yourself. Like, just put it out there and just see what happens, because there are a ton of people that want to connect, and so just maybe putting yourself out there a little bit. And I was really late to the Instagram game, and I'm very tiny on Instagram, but even social media, I mean, that is how I've connected with some of my best friends in sobriety has been through online.
[00:41:54] Speaker A: Me, too. It's so weird.
[00:41:57] Speaker B: Yeah. So weird.
[00:41:59] Speaker A: It's so cool, though.
[00:42:01] Speaker B: It is. And I truly was never on social media before. Brave. So it was. It's been all, like, all new for me. Yeah.
[00:42:10] Speaker A: I wasn't on. I was on Facebook. I wasn't on Instagram. But I remember starting my Instagram account in 2020 for alcohol tipping point, and I thought, there's probably only, like, five other alcohol free sober accounts. Why was I wrong? I know there's, like, this whole, like, just pocket world. Totally. Of people who are sober, sober, curious, or alcohol free, or whatever terminology you use.
[00:42:39] Speaker B: And even if you're using social media, if you can tell where the person is from, too, just kind of, like, taking that step because I met a girl that is like, 20 minutes from me, and I intentionally reached out to her to be like, hey, I'm sober, too. I live in Arlington. You know what I mean? And, like, we're friends. Like, it's super brave.
[00:43:01] Speaker A: That is brave, Carrie.
[00:43:03] Speaker B: Yeah, very brave. But I just say, just keep trying.
Keep trying to find your people and don't give up until you do because they're there.
[00:43:14] Speaker A: I feel like that. Just keep trying and don't give up. Could also be applied to, like, when you're changing your drinking.
[00:43:21] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. Yeah.
[00:43:25] Speaker A: Because you do coaching and whatnot. What are your other top tips for anyone who's looking to change their drinking?
[00:43:33] Speaker B: So I, like, we mentioned having someone finding someone else that's sober. That's, like, one of the first questions I ask people is, tell me about your. Tell me about your network of people. Tell me about. Do you have a friend in. Do you have a sober friend? Most people say no, you know, and. But just starting small and, like, giving yourself grace, that was, like, one of the biggest things I learned when getting sober because I was so hard on myself is that my therapist was just like, please give yourself some compassion. Give yourself some grace. Like, this is such a life change that you're making. Like, you don't need to do this to yourself. Because I was like, so I just think, like, just giving yourself grace, having a toolbox. And this is funny. So when they say, like, a toolbox, like a metaphor, like, what you're gonna have, like, I made in real life toolbox and physical toolbox. It was a little yellow backpack, and I put in it, like, things that I thought might help me if I was triggered or whatever. I had definitely had Diet Coke in there, and I would clear. I love Diet coke. I know. I'm so bad with Diet Coke.
[00:44:42] Speaker A: Wonder what else was in your backpack.
[00:44:43] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I remember I'm not a big, like, aromatherapy person, but I had some aromatherapy in there. I had, like, a card from my parents in there. I had, like, things. I had something that my kids had, like, just in there, so that if I was triggered, if I felt like I needed some extra security, I needed whatever. And I put that yellow backpack in my car, and I had that yellow backpack in my car, and I could feel it was there. I just felt like I had this extra layer. If whatever happened, and that was cool to me at that time, and I felt good about that, and then just really being accountable to just somebody other than you, because.
Just because our brains are of. They will want to drink again. They will definitely want to drink again. And so the biggest thing that I do is I say it out loud. Always. If a drink ever crosses my mind, for whatever reason, I say it out loud. And I encourage anybody that I meet to do the same. I don't care if it is the silliest reason I do it to this day. If I'm on vacation, if I'm somewhere, I'll just be like, I really feel like I want to have that drink, or that drink looks really good, and I just say it. And then I tell people, if you don't have anybody to say it, to text it to somebody, because the moment that you text it, say it. I feel like, it's lost its power. I remember, like, one vacation I was on, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I was at an all inclusive. I had been to an all inclusive before, but it hit me differently this time. And I just remember texting it to some other sober people, and they were like, you're in an effing all inclusive. Of course you feel that way. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, you're right. It completely changed my trip to just, like, get it out of my head. Like, I don't know why I don't feel right. I don't. You know? And I like that. It just, like, changed my trip.
So awesome. I don't know.
[00:46:41] Speaker A: Those are awesome tips. I appreciate that. Well, tell us. Tell people how they can find you and your future trips and all the stuff you have. I'll link to it, too.
[00:46:52] Speaker B: Okay, thank you. So they can find
[email protected]. and they can also find
[email protected]. dot. I managed all the emails and everything coming in from there. Yeah. And my next big thing that I have on the radar is to address the medical community. So I started something called brave medical providers, and it's a new Instagram account. And I took a wellness position in my current hospital. And I really want to. I want to start with addressing the fact that medical providers have alcohol use disorder and just, like, hitting it head on. I'm going to. I want to address the patient stuff later, how we can, like, have more compassion and more resources for patients. But I want healthcare providers to understand they can get help. You can talk about it. There is safe space there, and to just, like, just put it out there.
[00:47:49] Speaker A: Oh, that's great. I'm gonna. I'm gonna join that and look for that. And I've had other nurses contact me, too. And a lot of people are like, what are some grassroots ways to affect change, effect bigger change or lobbying or whatever that looks like. Yeah, so.
[00:48:06] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:48:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:08] Speaker B: And the more we do it together, because I, you know, I don't know how that looks. I just know it needs to be addressed, and so, yeah, I love grassroots.
[00:48:17] Speaker A: Awesome. Well, I'm so glad that we got to meet.
[00:48:21] Speaker B: Thank you. I'm so glad we got to meet, too. Thank you for inviting me and having me.
[00:48:25] Speaker A: Yeah, thank you so much, and good luck in everything you're doing. Okay.
[00:48:30] Speaker B: You too.
[00:48:31] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:48:31] Speaker B: Thank you. Have a good day.
[00:48:35] Speaker A: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. Please share and review the show so you can help other people too. I want you to know I'm always here for you, so please reach out and talk to me on instagram at alcoholtippingpoint and check out my website, alcoholtippingpoint.com for free resources and help. No matter where you are on your drinking journey, I want to encourage you to just keep practicing. Keep going. I promise you are not alone and you are worth it. Every day you practice not drinking is a day you can learn from. I hope you can use these tips we talked about for the rest of your week and until then, talk to you next time.
