Overcoming Binge Drinking with Glenn Dougherty Jr

Pod Glenn Dougherty Jr Deb: Welcome back to the Alcohol Tipping Point Podcast. I am your host Deb Masner. I am a registered nurse, a health coach, and an alcohol free badass. And today on the show I have Glenn Doherty, Jr. . He is a personal development coach who helps men get rid of their vices, become sober, and get in peak physical shape, all by improving their mindset. I am really excited to have you on Glen, and I just wanna hear your story and how you're helping people. Looks like you are four years sober and you're just like out there sharing your tools and I love mindset work. Like, I feel like that is Keith. So welcome, welcome to the Glenn: show. Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm excited , definitely excited to get more into my story and yeah. And so my, my sobriety date. It was, it is October 20th, 2018 and it, it's been a journey . I don't know how far back you want me to go, but. , you know, the path to sobriety has been interesting, to say the least. The things that, you know, I've gone through especially in my marriage friendships, just life in general. It, it's, it's had its ups and downs. So certainly interested to get you know, into my story a little more and explain to you guys how I got to this point and what I'm looking to do, going. Well, Deb: now we wanna know, but, well, we were talking before we started recording. You're in Illinois. You're in the Chicago area. That's right. Can you just give a little bit more of an intro about who you are and what you do? Yeah. Glenn: Yeah. Yeah. So married, father of two two boys. They're oh my goodness. My oldest will be driving soon, so he'll be 15 next month. and our youngest he's 12 and yeah, grew up originally from Chicago. I've been all over the Chicagoland area, different suburbs due to, you know, my parents were divorced at an early age. So that has had an impact as I've gotten older. But as you stated, I'm a mindset and fitness coach. I, I help men become sober, and that's been my purpose that that's what I focus on. Sharing my story helping people with their sobriety. And so my wife and I, you know, we have a podcast as well. It started out with, you know, just sharing some lessons from our relationship, which has been very interesting. A lot of the issues stemmed from my drinking , of course. And yeah, we've been divorced, we've gotten back together. got engaged and actually got remarried a couple of weeks ago, , Deb: so. Oh, congratulations. Glenn: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So, well, yeah, , but things have been great. . Deb: Love it. Well, yeah. Yeah. So let's just start with like what your experience was with drinking and just how you came to be now for four plus years sober. Glenn: Yeah. You know, drinking really took. Once I got to college, you know when you're a teenager in high school, yeah. You might sneak off and drink a beer here and there, have those parties your junior and senior year. But once I got to college, that's when things really took off. I got to college, went away to Bradley University and in, for some reason I was very popular when I got to Bradley and that played a part in. You know, me developing and maintaining this persona as this party guy, this ladies man, and drinking every weekend in college, it was pretty normal, right? You, you go away. It, it's a normal thing. So you don't think it's a problem. You know you're going, that's what, that's part of the college experience. But once I graduated college, I continued the same habit of going out and drinking every single weekend. And I'll never forget, I got my first D u I when I was about 26, 25, 26, and for some reason that didn't stop me from drinking. I don't even remember getting arrested for the D U I . I just remember sobering up and I'm a, I'm in the back of a police police car, then I'm in a holding cell. And then I had to deal with that for court for a couple of years and, but the behavior of me drinking continued and there were several arrests after that that that occurred, but it started to impact my relationship with my. Because I was out late at night coming home 2, 3, 4 o'clock in the morning. If I would even come home some days, , you know, some days it was seven, eight o'clock in the morning. And with her being a stay-at-home mom at the time, We're only relying on my income. And so from her perspective, there's kind of no way out, right? She's depending on me and sort of dealing with what I'm giving her, which is a lot of heartache and and frustration. And it wasn't until I got to the point where admittedly I ended up having an affair with a coworker. Okay? And this is what, you know, broke our relat. When I was having the affair, it got to a point where obviously I knew this was the wrong thing to do, and I started going to therapy first to figure out, okay, I'm unhappy into my relationship. I'm having this affair. That's why I wanted to go to therapy to fix myself and my relationship to figure out, hey, what. Path do I take, you know, do I end my relationship with my long-term, you know, girlfriend, she's my girlfriend at the time, you know, being my fiance, or do I choose this person that I'm having this relationship, or ultimately be by myself. But as I continue to go through therapy, it evolved from fixing that issue and then fixing the drinking issue. And for me, I was a binge drinker, so whenever I would go out to drink, there was really no off switch and leading up to finding out that, hey, what my issue is is called binge drinking. I had to kind of figure that out. I didn't know that that was a thing. You know, I, I tried AA and I felt like it didn't resonate with me because I didn't feel like I was addicted to alcohol. Like I could go weeks, months without consuming alcohol. But once I did, , it's just all night, you know, drinking and drinking. And so as I continued therapy, I ended up ending the relationship that I was having outside of my marriage. Several months later, that person reached out to my wife, explained everything that happened, and then that's when we started the divorce proceedings , understandably so. And once the divorce was final, you know, that's when I realized like, I really messed up. You know, I, I lost my family and it hurt so much because coming from a family where my parents were divorced when I was young, and, and I totally understand why they did it, but having a nuclear family was something that I always wanted. And same with my wife, cuz she kind of grew up in a situation where her parents were divorced and. Realizing that that goal was now shattered. Now I'm having to pick up the pieces and change my life, and what led to us getting back together was. I admit I prematurely started a relationship. So our, our divorce was final in February, 2017, and I'm kind of in the midst of a relationship and several months after that it started getting serious. And once my wife found out that I was with someone, Her issue was, Hey you, you put me through the ringer for over 15 plus years. Now you're getting your life together. Someone else is reaping the benefits of that. Like, whoa, you know? It was totally unexpected for her and myself, but at the end of the day, I knew that that relationship wouldn't last because as I'm getting myself together to. Eliminate drinking for my life completely. This person I was dating was just as a heavy drinker as I used to be. That was something that I was trying to get away from, but they're kind of still in that element. And so it was almost as if I was dating myself, like, oh, this is what my wife must have dealt with when she was with me. And so. once that occurred, we had a conversation and said, Hey, you know, do we want to try this again? Do we want to get back together now that you've gotten your life back together? And we both said yes. And it moved pretty fast. You know, we ended up getting a house together about three or four months after we decided to get back together. We got engaged a few years after that. But it took a lot of couples counseling. We went to couples counseling and then we had our own individual counseling as well. And so that's what got us to the point where we're at now in terms of mending our relationship and just overcoming all those obstacles that we had and, and make a long story short, you know, there, there's definitely a lot more to unpack within that timeline, but that's kind of my journey of you. how alcohol impacted, you know, my relationship with my wife and how we got to this point where things are now fixed and, and we're remarried. So , it's, it's been quite the journey. . Deb: Yeah. Well, I mean, healthy people have healthy relationships, right? And so you had to work on yourself and remove the alcohol too, then give it another chance and. Good for you all, for just being brave and giving it another chance. That's really neat. Glenn: Thank you. Thank you. And I had no idea, neither one of us had any idea that that would happen, you know? So once, once the divorce was final. You know, I didn't expect us to get back together. You know, she left as she should have You know, that's, that's the one thing that you don't want to do, is, is step outside of your marriage combined with all of the things that occurred while I was drinking. So I had no idea that this would happen, but it, it did. And. , you know, our kids are happy and, and that that's the most important thing because that was an adjustment, being a co-parent for several months. You know, you're used to seeing your kids every day, and now it's, oh, I, I get them on the weekends now and trying to. Make the weekends fun while they're with dad and then having to drop them back off at their mom. You know, that, that reminded me of what I went through. And so that was something that I, that I had to get over and, and work through. Yeah. Deb: So you, you were a binge drinker. I think it's really important to distinguish that or just like point out, like you don't have to be an everyday drink. To change your drinking or to have a problem with drinking. Right. A lot of people, like you said, you were one of them. You could go days, weeks without drinking, but when you did. Like you were on, Glenn: oh man. on all night and that, so there were two instances where I attempted aa. So my mom, she took me to an AA meeting in Chicago on the south side, and I was still fairly young. And I'm listening to the people share their stories. And there was some, there was some arrogance on my end because I'm thinking, Hey, you know, my issue isn't this bad, you know, because hey, these folks are addicted. They have to have their alcohol every day. That's not me. I only party here and there. So I don't think I need to do this. So we did that one. And years later I attempted another meeting where I went to an AA meeting before the meeting started. I'm reading the materials and I said, you know what? I don't think this is for me. And I left before the meeting even started . So, but it wasn't until I started to research. And realize, you know what I, I think I do have a problem. I just don't know what it is yet. You know, I can go long periods of time without drinking, but why is it that when I do drink, I can't stop? And so just using Google, I found this term binge drinking. I didn't know that term existed before I found this. And so as I'm reading up on binge drinking, it was an aha moment. It was like, okay, now I've identified. Exactly what my issue is, you know, because before I couldn't pinpoint it. I just knew that I would drink all night and not stop. But once you're able to identify the problem, then you're able to start fixing it. So, . Yeah. Back then it was very arrogant and naive of me to think that I didn't have a problem just because I didn't need alcohol every day. Every day. But that that was a problem. It was, it wasn't. It was a problem. Binge drinking. It definitely is. Is it's alcoholism. Yeah. Deb: I, and I think a lot of people do that no matter what their drinking looks like, because you compare yourself to others and you're like, well, I am not that bad, or, I'm not drinking daily, or I haven't, you know, had any consequences or whatever it looks like. I, I think we all have done that, where we would rather convince ourselves, we don't have a problem than admit and take responsibility that we do have a problem. Glenn: Exactly. Yeah. The, the, yeah, A huge lack of responsibility. Lack of accountability and you're also kind of negotiating, negotiating with yourself saying, Hey, it, it's not that bad so I can continue doing what I'm doing. Right? Just making up an excuse to continue the behavior because for me, there was a lot of fun involved when I would drink. Yes, there were legal issues, , that I experienced during my drinking. However, there were a lot of good times that occurred, and so realizing that, Hey, I'm still having fun. It's, it's hard to break away from that, you know? Well, Deb: how did you, yeah, yeah. How did you break away and just kind of stop that pattern? Glenn: Yeah, so once my wife and I got back together, That's when I decided, okay, I'm ju I'm only going to drink on occasion. And as I'm healing and going through therapy, I would only drink on occasion. You know, there were moments where. I would binge drink, but it was less destructive, and I think that's because I was healing. However, there was a situation that occurred, which led me to stop drinking completely that October 20th, 2018. I was leaving a job to go to another one, and my coworkers at the time took me out to celebrate, you know, my, my new job. I was leaving the, the, the company and, and, and moving on. And so we went to a bar and were drinking of course, and it got to the point where, hey, I started binge drinking. Then I end up, I don't remember anything until I wake up at my manager's apartment with her husband and her kids. So I'm on a couch and I'm looking up and there's these kids staring at me, , and come to find out, I get more information from my boss, like why am I here? And she's explaining that, Hey, you were so drunk, you couldn't tell me where you live. So I kind of had no choice but to come home and bring you with me, and I sobered up, got home that morning and just that ride home. I was just thinking to myself like, man, I, I screwed this up again. You know, and my wife was obvi, obviously upset, and it was just reminiscence of what I had done in the past. And that day I said, I'm not screwing this up. I'm giving up drinking. It was like, I'm done. I had already been thinking about it and that's why it was so easy for me to say I'm done. But that situation, Should it have happened? Of course not, but it did, and it led me to ultimately say, Hey, I'm, I'm sober now and let me start this journey of sobriety. So I didn't know what that was gonna look like, but I just knew, Hey, I just need to stop drinking . Yeah. Deb: Yeah. Good, good for you. So now you're, you're a personal development coach. You work on mindset, like how did that come to. Glenn: Yeah, that's a good question. You know, for years my wife has been telling me to, you know, share my story because it could help somebody. And I heard it, but I didn't know what that would look like. You know, okay, hey, I need to share my story, but what does that look like? You know, what, what do I do? You know, how do I do this? Us starting the podcast was, you know, like I said, us sharing our story, our journey of our relationship, because we had gone through so much that there were so many trials and tribulations that we know that there's a wide audience that could relate to our story. So during that, I started to share my story on certain episodes. However, you know, it just evolved to, Hey, I can help people. With what I was dealing with, they can identify with my story. Let me kind of niche it down and yeah, I just reali and I got a coach too. So I got a coach that, you know, helped me with my mindset and become, you know, more discipline. Really get into great physical shape. Health and fitness was something that I was always into and the catalyst that got me to that was I was laid off from a job last summer and that really impacted myself, not necessarily us as a family because, you know, financially we were okay. But it made me realize like, you know, working in this environment is, is not always guaranteed. And so it got me journaling again and really figuring out, you know, Hey, what's my purpose? So I went back to those conversations that, you know, my wife and I was having to say, Hey, share your story. And at that time I got outta shape a little bit and I said, Hey, I'm going to get back in shape. . And I hired a coach, got back in shape, and then that, that coach just helped me realize like, Hey, this is my purpose. I'm supposed to help people with their sobriety with. Health and fitness and I, I've been doing that ever since. Oh, that's Deb: cool. So what kind of work were you doing before? I'm just curious. Glenn: Yeah. My career has always been in real estate finance. Okay. So I started, yeah, originating loans like right before the oh eight crisis. And Oh yeah, been in residential loan servicing. So I'm kind of still in that, in, in that space right now. But my ultimate passion and purpose is, is helping other people. Deb: I love. Let's help other people, Glen, so tell me, tell me some of your top tips for anyone looking to change their relationship with drinking. Glenn: Yeah, that's a good question. I would say the first thing is to figure out why. You're drinking, you know, and that path is different for everybody. And so, although I didn't fully experience aa, that may be the path for someone. Therapy may be the path for someone, or they're going to their pastor for whatever, you know, religious denomination. They, they practice whatever that looks like. Figure out why uncover, you know, the issues you know that you have internally because drinking, , you know, when we drink, we're either trying to, you know, manufacture some sort of, you know, false reality. You know, we don't want to face ourselves or certain circumstances that we're in. You know, so there's a wide range of reasons why we would start drinking. So I would say uncover that first, and whatever path you choose, there's no right or wrong, but just start there. And then once you uncover it, that gives you more mental clarity of, okay, I have this issue. I, I know why I have this issue now. I want to change my life. So you have that, that clarity to change and then figuring out what you want to do after that. And I would recommend figuring out, you know, what your purpose and what you're passionate about and. Diving into that because there's going to be empty space and time. . Yeah. So now you're not drinking on the weekends or during the week. So what do you fill that time with so that you don't fall back into those habits? And then ultimately we're here to help other people. So once you figure out your purpose and and passion, then pay it forward and help other people do the same thing, because it kind of helps you. , stay accountable with your sobriety as well. Yeah. Deb: So uncovering your why and And I think that's just like, . A, a good place is just to become more aware cuz so much of what we do in life is on autopilot and we're just not even aware of it. And so taking the time to slow down and like really figure out like, okay, am I drinking cuz I'm stressed? I'm anxious or is it part of a celebration or is it, you know, or is it just a habit, a ritual that I, I've gotten stuck in. And so like awareness, just that always seems to be the first key of like behavior change. Right? I love that. Absolutely. Yeah. And, and then, then you have the clarity to change and like you mentioned, getting help and whatever that looks like for you, if that's with your church or online program or AA or whatever, or, or even like you did, just educating yourself. Can be so impactful, educating yourself about the effects of alcohol, alcohol and your health. Educating yourself about the different options out there for changing your drinking, listening to podcasts, reading the Quizlet, all that kind of stuff. Absolutely. And then that purpose and passion like that comes up again and again. Like I, it's just, it, I, I was thinking about this drinking journey. Like it's, it's really. Waking up to the world. Yeah, because you've just been living life at like, well, I don't know, 50% , right? . I mean, you've just kinda, I mean, really when you're drinking, you're just in like a, a fog and so, It is kind of awakening. Aw. An awakening. Absolutely. And figuring out what really gives your life meaning and purpose. And I see that so much with people when they give up drinking, they just start to pursue other passions or even going back to like what they liked when they were a kid and yeah. What brought them joy. And like you said, So much time Yeah, right. It's like a magic, I, I feel like a time traveler, like you wanna create more time, give up drinking, and you will magically create more time in the day, that's for sure. And, and then helping other people. So just, yeah. Well, I mean, that's partly why I. Do what I do. I just was like, when I get out of this, I, I remember telling myself that all the time, especially working as a nurse and a health coach. Anyway, I was just like, when I get to the other side, I'm, I'm not gonna leave people behind like I am gonna be there. I'm, I want to help people. I want to be someone that you can go to and be like, Hey, I'm drinking too much. Can you help me? And I will have an answer for you. Because I felt like, It was hard to get that answer. Other people, other like, like even therapists or even like at doctor's appointments or something. It was always aa, like, I tried that too. Well, I didn't, I shouldn't say I tried that. I thought about trying it and it was just like, I didn't fit, like you were trying to figure out where do I fit in this, in this like journey of, of drinking, it's really not black and white. I think that it's not. It's been painted that way, like from Hollywood and stuff, that it's, oh, you're either like bottom of the barrel problem drinker, alcoholic, or you're normal . Right? . So anyway, yeah, just wanted to sum that up cuz I, I just think that's so helpful. Well, you call yourself a mindset coach partly, right? Or you talk a lot about mindset. So how, where does mindset come in? What does that look like? Glenn: Yeah, I would say mindset is, you know, it starts with, you know, how you view yourself and you know what you want your life to look like because you know, when you're drinking, it's like you said, you're, you're on autopilot, but you're at this sort of low level, you know, frequency, state of mind, and. In order to change your life, you have to change your mindset and you have to get out of that low level frame of mind. And so you start by getting sort of at a baseline level of, Hey, I'm no longer. Sad, right? Because when we're drinking, we're sad, we're depressed, we're frustrated. It's getting to that next level to, to where we're at, like homeostasis, if you will. And then starting from there, and then trying to get to optimum level of, of happiness high frequency. And so, like I said, to get there, you have to unpack. , all of the negative thoughts and negative habits that you're carrying with yourself, and it, like I said, allows you to have more clarity. Once you unpack those things, once you're no longer carrying, you know, the regret, the negative habits, the vices, you're able to, you know, elevate to another level to where. You have more purpose, you're more happy in your life. You don't have these negative habits. You're substituting that with more positive habits. And that's, that's, that's the mindset. It's the mindset of, you know, wanting to. Vibrate at this high frequency, have more happiness. How you view the world is a lot more different when you're sober than when you're drinking. And you, you have to unpack that stuff. And just developing a level of discipline to continue your sobriety and hold yourself accountable to where. You know, people want to be around you. You, you want to accomplish things. You know, it's like you said, going back to your childhood, you start, you know, reliving some of these memories and remembering who you truly are and, and giving that person to the world. But it, it all starts with your mindset and going through that path of becoming this person, becoming who you want to be in life. You know, you're happy with who you are, you're happy with who you're looking at in the mirror ultimately. Yeah. Deb: And I think that sometimes when we're giving up drinking or something, it can feel like we're depriving ourselves, but really it's like, okay, what are you giving to yourself? What are you choosing to do? Like, you get to give up drinking, you get to like live to your life. Purpose and potential. Like you get this is a gift. And that again, like goes back to the mindset. Glenn: Yeah. Yeah. People look at, and I've said this before on my social media, that people look at discipline as this, you know, negative and sort of, you know, militant thing. You know, being, being disciplined and, and not going back to. You know, negative habits and thoughts. That's, that's a good thing because you maintain, you know, this clarity, you're, you're, you're continuing to be a better version of yourself. So there, there's nothing wrong with. With having some discipline. Right. And, and sticking with what you said it was that you were going to do. Mm-hmm. You know, holding your word to yourself that, that, that's the most important thing. It's not a bad thing. There's such a negative connotation. , Deb: I was gonna ask you like Yeah. What, so what is your definition of discipline? What does that mean? Glenn: Yeah. Dis discipline for me, it's, it's doing the things. That you need to do regardless of how you feel about it at the time and, and, and keeping your word to yourself, right, because. . A lot of people, they operate in their feelings and off of motivation. Hey, I used to do the same thing, you know, before I got to this place. But operating out of feelings and motivation, you're only going to act or do things when you feel like it or when you're motivated to do it. But that always goes away. And so once that goes away, when you don't feel like doing it, then. Right. It, it's the discipline that's going to carry you to accomplish that task or do the thing that you, you said you were going to do. And so that's also holding your, your word to yourself. Deb: Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. And it, it's so true. And I think a lot of people say, oh, well I'm not disciplined. I can't do that. Or, and I just like, I have to call people out on that. I'm like, yeah. Do you feel like brushing your teeth every day, do you feel like picking your kids up from school, do you feel like showing up to work? Like there are so many things we do in our life. Because they're just what we do, we have to do them. Doesn't mean we enjoy them. Laundry comes to mind or , whatever. We just have obligations to do. And so I think when you can realize like, oh, I am capable of, of doing the things I. Need to do and what I said I was gonna do, and sometimes I do them even though I don't wanna, that's just part of life is like 50 50. Right. Sometimes it's awesome and sometimes it's awful. And we're, we do it all because that's what we're on the earth. For, right? That's part of being human. It's just not gonna be amazing all the time. And I think when you can kind of let go of some of that, like, oh, I mean, even for me, sometimes I'm like, this is a shitty part of my job. Or this is a shitty part of parenting. Right? I mean, and literally when think about when your kids were babies, like you had to change their diaper. Nobody wants to change a poopy diaper . Right. But you do it. Yeah. You do it because that's what you do. And so I'd, I, I'd like to like dive into some of these concepts or wor, I always like to dive into like a word, like discipline or something. Yeah. And just be like, well, what does that really mean? And what does that really look like? And. . You know, I think we get into all or nothing thinking like, oh, I don't have any willpower. Yeah, you do. Yeah. You, I mean, you do, you, you need to give yourself more credit. Yeah. And think about stories that you're telling yourself too. Glenn: Yeah. That, that's a, that's a good point. You made a good, good comparison about, you know, things that we have to do when we don't feel like doing it and Yeah. You, it makes you wonder why. People don't apply that to areas in their life where they need to apply it. Like you said, you white, you have to pick up your kids. My kids have extracurricular activities, you know, my son does football and track, like do I feel like going to a track meet, you know, right after doing all this work all the day. Like, no, but I, I have to, I'm gonna go, you know, support 'em, just not gonna not show up. And so, yeah, you make a good point. It's, you already have discipline with a lot of things, so why? Apply it to that area or areas in your life where you need to apply it. So it's just a daily. Habit that you have to develop. And so I think that the challenge is that people want to go from zero to a hundred when it comes to discipline. Mm-hmm. It's, hey, it's okay with taking baby steps if you have to complete a few tasks every day to get you to your ultimate level of discipline. There's nothing wrong with that, you know, so if it's drinking or you know, a lot of people. like to lose weight, you know, with the New Years. Every, you know, so don't go from eating the way you eat to just such strict eating and, and in just a matter of days. Like, okay, eliminate sugar, you know, one day and then don't eat out like you normally do for lunch while you're at work, right? Just starting to slowly change your habits and day by day. You keep your promises of the things that you're going to eliminate, and it just becomes a habit. But don't try to go from zero to a hundred. . Deb: Yeah. Fail. We want it all right. Yeah. Now yeah. So that kind of goes to like, you also help people get into peak physical shape. Yeah. So are you doing some diet and exercise training? Like what does that look like? Glenn: Yeah, that's a good question. So, you know, first it's figuring out, you know, what their macro nutrients are. So it's figuring out, hey, how many protein, fat, carbs which ultimately leads to how many calories that you're gonna consume on a daily basis. That's the main thing. You know, they say that. You know, health and fitness, it's, it's 80% nutrition and 20% fitness. And it's so true. And so, yes, you know, I have a workout program that they can do, but if their nutrition isn't in order, you know, you, you won't see the progress that you need to, to see. And I'll give an example. I was a prime example of that. So when I got laid off, It's the summertime. I relaxed on my diet and I owned it and I said, Hey, you know what, summertime I'm, I'm enjoying time with the kids, I'll get back in shape, right? And I was still training six days a week, but my nutrition wasn't in order. And so I gained a little weight, you know, and that. And when I turned it around and said, Hey, you know what? Enough is enough. Let me dial it back. Let me, you know, get back in shape. Yeah. I fixed my nutrition. I was still literally doing the same type of training. The only thing that I fixed was a nutrition. And so you have that byproduct of you start to look good after a while, right? You start to get into better shape and it builds that confidence. But that morning routine, I think people under. You know, a morning routine that includes, you know, working out training in the morning. And so there's also an element of, you know, journaling and, you know, practicing gratitude. So it's not only. The fitness part, but the mindset comes with the daily journaling, the visualization the practice of gratitude and waking up early in the morning and and completing these tasks so that you're able to attack the rest of your day. And so before you and I spoke, You know, I got all of those things done between 4:00 AM and six 30, and so now I feel so much better. I feel so much better . Wow. I have to do that every Deb: day. Four. What time do you go to Glenn: bed? So that's the part that my wife makes fun of me about. I go to bed at eight 30, no later than nine. It's like clock. Okay. Yeah. She calls me old man . Deb: Oh, that is impress. But you do it. You're committed to doing it. You're using your discipline, and you feel good Glenn: about. Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, Sundays are my rest day because I train six days a week, but Sundays when I don't train, I actually kind of feel off, you know, and I was telling my wife yesterday, I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna start training seven days a week, . She's like, why do you need to go lift weight seven days a week? I said, it helps me. So I said, next Sunday, I'm, and I had been thinking about this. For weeks, and I just, I don't know if it's like the placebo effect, if I'm just telling myself that I don't feel right if I don't lift weights in the morning, but it's part of my routine, right? And so that one day. That part of my routine is missing, you know? And so I've noticed a difference. And so not saying that everyone else should do that, but for me, that's something that I need to do. But having a routine every morning that you stick with it will impact how you feel and how you address the rest of your. Deb: Yeah, I th that, I mean, we're creatures of habit and right rituals too. Like we like rituals. So yeah. Really like kind of also you. It is another like useful thing to do when you are changing your drinking is to shift your rituals and your routines to the morning. Mm-hmm. and going to bed earlier, eating dinner earlier. That can be really helpful for some people who find that they're drinking, you know, before dinner or at night. Like, okay, eat your dinner at 4:00 PM . Yeah. Like, I'm serious. Like, eat early and put yourself to bed early because that is gonna help you so much because those hours. To be just taken up with drinking or thinking about drinking. Yeah. And for most people, most people aren't thinking about drinking in the morning. The morning is when they're the morning person who's never gonna drink again. Right. , that's true. So take advantage of that and shifting your routine or rituals to the morning. Glenn: Yeah. If you can get yourself in a place. Where you're just operating at a, a higher state at the beginning of the day, it helps you to start making better decisions. So it will become easier to, you know, not drink or, you know, attack or continue your sobriety and do the things that you need to do to, to maintain your sobriety or. You know, elevate your mind, state, whatever it is that you want to accomplish you, you'll be able to do that. You know, once you get yourself in that state of mind. And it, and that, for me, I believe it starts with, with what you do in the mornings. . Deb: Yeah. I wanna ask you what, what, like relationship tips you have, especially when one person is a drinker and the other is not. Like, what is your advice there? Glenn: Well don't cheat on your partner. for starters. , that's a good question. I would say communication is key. But before you get to that, it just goes back to what, what I said before. It's, you know, figure out your issues first. Right? Get to a point where you're healed. And so once you do that, if you are able to, you know, fix your relationship, then you have to be on the same page. Because, and I'll give an example, you know, once my wife and I made the decision to get back together, About a almost a year went by where she, I wanna say out of the blue, almost became unhappy because she realized that she really didn't unpack or deal with the issues of the past, especially around the affair. Right? Because you think we got divorce in February. Then we're having conversations about getting back together around July, August. So you're talking about just six months. And so while I went to therapy during that time, she didn't really go to therapy or try to heal from the trauma of our relationship and. Once she realized that, Hey, you know what, I'm, I'm unhappy. I didn't deal with these issues. That's when we started to go to couples counseling. And so at that point I had to be more supportive towards her because at that time, hey, I'm, yes, I'm still kind of, you know, drinking on occasion before I decided to become sober. I'm pretty much healed from everything that we went through, but she's not. So I had to support her in, you know, her healing, knowing that, hey, there's a chance that she might heal from this and realize that she doesn't want to be back with me. And I just had to own that and not be afraid and just say, Hey, at the end of the day, you know, she's someone I love. She's his mother of my children. She's my best friend. However, this is gonna end up, it's gonna end up, and I'm gonna be here to support her. And you know, after year and a half, couple years of of therapy, you know, she was able to finally make that switch to, you know, seeing me in a new light, no longer seeing me as the, you know, binge drinking Glen of the past. She's, she's now seeing me as this evolved person. And so, but it. Having to, you know, drop my ego and, and support her. We talked about our issues, we talked about what we talked about through therapy, and we just kind of worked as a team. So I would just say, Hey, if you have to kind of pour into your partner more than they're pouring into you, you might have to do that in, in terms of, you know, mending your relationship and. Having clear communication and support and just being on the same page that's what's helped us. And I know everybody has a different situation in terms of their relationship, but those were some of the things that helped us men, our relationship. So if you still have a chance, , I would say, Hey, focus on healing first and showing up. So that they see you're making that change. Talking is one thing, but doing and being consistent is another, yeah. Yeah. Deb: And healing like each person is on their own healing journey. And, and then you can come together on the same page, but Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that. Glenn: No, no problem. Thanks for asking But yeah, that, that's, that's that's, to me, that's what it would Deb: take. That's fantastic. Well what are your plans for Glenn: the future? Yeah, you know, my plans are to impact more people with, you know, what I'm doing in terms of, you know, the program that I developed to help people and then continue to, you know, share my story. It's been amazing to get involved with the sober community, and I'll admit that this was something that I missed out on during. You know, I guess my recovery road to sobriety because you know, it was just me and a therapist and me and my thoughts and journaling, and so hearing other people's stories and being able to meet other people. and identify with one another when it comes to the alcohol problems. And, you know, kinda laughing at our, you know, war stories. It, it's been great. So I want to continue to do that work wi within the, the sober community. And same with, you know, our podcast that I have with my wife. Continuing to grow that and, and help people on the relationship aspect and, and other topics that we dive into. But yeah, just fully living in my purpose and wanting to, you know, help more and more people. That that's, it's really my focus going forward. Deb: That's great. And how can people find you? Glenn: Yeah, they can reach out to me on Instagram mainly. That's where I'm the most active at Glen Doherty Jr. R that's g l e n n d o u g h e r t y j r. And then also on Instagram at about this life pod where you can check us out on about this life. We're almost Spotify by iTunes. Yeah. . Deb: So about this Life Pod is the one you co-host with your. Yes. Glenn: Yep. Yeah, that's that was her brainchild. I was a little hesitant at first, but I'm like, all right, let's do it. I'm glad we did . Deb: I'm glad you did too, because I think it's helpful for other people in relationships just to see a real life relationship. See like what you all have gone through and how you've made it on the other side. And just be open and honest about. Glenn: It's great. Yeah, we've, we've gotten a lot of positive feedback, so it, it, it keeps us going so we're, no, we know we're on the right track, so, we'll, we'll continue to be upfront about things that we've gone through and, you know, continue to help people. Fantastic. Deb: Yeah. Well, , I'm so glad that we met and connected. Same. I wanna thank you for coming on the show. Glenn: Yeah. Thanks for having me,