Your Someday Can Start Today: Interview with Casey McGuire Davidson

Pod Ep 58 Casey Davidson DEB: Welcome to the alcohol TippingPoint podcast. I'm your host Deb Masner, registered nurse health coach and alcohol free, bad ass. And today I have Casey Davidson on, she is the host of hello someday. And she's also the founder of hello, someday coaching and Casey. I just have to read your description in your website cause I love it. And then you can add to it. So you wrote Casey McGuire Davidson is a certified life coach who helps busy women quit drinking and create. They love without alcohol. She's a wife, a mom, a practical dreamer, retired co corporate ladder climber, recovering people, pleaser and ex red wine drinker. Who's been known to crawl into bed at 9:00 PM and whisper. Don't worry. You're still a bad-ass to herself. Casey: Yeah, that's totally true. DEB: So thank you so much for coming on this show. Maybe you want to add to that intro about. Casey: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'm 46 years old. I quit drinking six years ago. So right before my 40th birthday, after kind of worrying about my drinking for about 10 years maybe eight. Probably 10 years, you know, I, I spent, you know, like I said, I was an ex red wine girl. That was my jam. And I was kind of always, once I graduated college, like seven nights a week drinker, I mean, not always the same amount, but you know, when I grew up my parents, my parents actually do not have drinking issues at all. Neither does my sister. I never grew. Around people who drank too much, which is why I'm like, oh, ha had that happened to me. But now I know why but you know, I was, you know, they always had a bottle of wine on the dinner table. They hosted these amazing dinner parties with like a million people gathered around with, you know, the laughing and the clinking of glasses. They were diplomats overseas. So they had a lot of like, Gathering to international people. It was part of their job to host into network. So I just thought that sound was like the happiest sound in the whole world. I remember like laying in bed and listening to it. So yeah, I drank seven nights a week in the beginning, you know, it was in my apartment with like a bottle of wine and Mac and cheese and lucky charms for dinner. And, you know, didn't drink the whole bottle at that point, but Over the years, just, you know, that was kind of what I did. I got to the point where I drank a bottle almost, you know, sometimes a bottle and a half a wine seven nights a week. And I was super high functioning, you know, other than waking up everyday morning with a headache and a hangover and waking up at 3:00 AM with anxiety and sometimes not remembering that. Of shows, but you know, got up, got my kids up, got them to the bus stop, you know, went to work. I was a director at L'Oreal. I worked in big companies and startups and was always kind of like the straight, a gold star girl. And yet. My anxiety was off the charts. I knew my drinking was an issue. I would walk into work debating like, fuck, am I actually an alcoholic? Or do I just abuse alcohol? Cause if I just abuse it, then I don't have to actually stop. You know what I mean? Like then I can just get it under control. And that was my goal for years. I was like, in my own mind, like I have to figure out how to get this under control so that. I never have to stop drinking because I love it so much. And, you know, first time I stopped drinking, my son was five. Because I was actually, you know, kind of worried about my marriage at that point. And I kind of You know, it was really sort of unhappy with my life, even though my life was really good. And w by thought was, I really can't, I kind of don't have a leg to stand on and I can't get my mind straight if I'm drinking the way I am, like my husband and I would argue, and I am not an RA. Like, we don't do conflict like ever, which is why I was like, shit, this is a problem. But like, I wouldn't remember what the fights were about in the morning or. Get into it. And then couldn't like, continue my train of thought. Like I was angry and upset and felt very, you know, like he was doing things wrong and yet. I couldn't like enunciate or explain what that was. So I stopped for four months. I went to, you know, a therapist who like specialized in anxiety, but also addiction. Right. And I went in there and was like, oh my God, I, we, we need to talk about my anxiety and my stressful job. And my boss and my husband who doesn't help enough. And I'm a working mom. And by the way, I drank a bottle of wine. And he was like, yeah, let's talk about your drinking. And I was like, no, you didn't hear me about my boss. And he was like, yeah, let's talk about your drinking. So he advised, I go to AA. It was nine years ago. That was kind of the only thing out there. He went to AA. That's how he got sober. And I did for about four months. Wasn't my jam. It, it didn't resonate with me. And so I got pregnant and that was sort of like, dude, I'm good. Like I'm good, I'm pregnant. And go figure, I stopped drinking for a year. My life was way better. Like I was happier. My marriage was better. I work was better. And I sort of was like, well, that was situational. Right? Like I had a bad boss. My husband. Nicer I've adjusted. Like I was like the fact that my drinking got really bad was because I was unhappy, not because of the alcohol. And so after my daughter was born, I went back to drinking pretty quickly. Like I was sort of like, I'm better now. I'm just going to have two glasses of wine on a date night with my husband and then. You know, the next Friday, I was like, well, it's the weekend, you know, I'll just get a bottle for the weekend. And you know, in no time at all, it was back to a bottle of wine at night. And it, you know, there were definitely times where I was. Like, this is awesome. I kind of call those, my drinking highlights, right? The date night, the girls night out the trip to Italy, but there were a, you know, 80% of my life where the drinky Moe lights, which was me on the couch, worrying about my drinking yet pouring the fourth glass. My husband couldn't wake me up sometimes, you know, I was quote unquote asleep on the couch. I was passed out and would wake up at two in the morning and sort of creep up the stairs. I was super defensive. I was super anxious. I felt like I couldn't cope with my job. I was guilty, you know? And so the second time I. It was because I was kind of worried about my mental health and I kind of, you know, they say that like recovery ruins you for drinking. I sort of knew too much. I was like, yeah, this isn't situational. This is the alcohol. And I was like, at that point, Super worried that I was going to like, fuck up my marriage and my kids and my life. And it was going to be my own fault. I sort of felt doomed. And so in that moment, it was no longer a question of like, whether I would need to stop drinking completely. It was the way I'm drinking is unsustainable. And I need to stop, but during those whole two years, I was like, but I don't want to stop yet. Like, I could probably play this out for a couple more years, you know, and, you know, woke up at three in the morning, one day and. And it was just like a Wednesday morning. It was not anything. And with scrolling, one of these secret private, not drinking Facebook groups and someone had posted about yet another day one, and one of the suggestions in the comments was for. You know, Hey, I worked with this sober coach and it was Belle of tired of thinking about drinking. It was six years ago and she was at a Paris and sort of was your sober pen pal for a year. And we did phone calls and I went into work at 10:00 AM in my office and my big director's job and signed up that day. And that was my last day. DEB: Wow. Yeah. I've listened to your podcast interview with bell Roberts and which was just amazing. And she's actually going to be on the show soon too. Oh, great. Yeah. So I'm listening to you. Tell your story. I was just like, Yeah. Yep. And, and just so much resonated. Like I like you, I felt like I try to find that moderation, magic pill for so long. And, and for a long time, I was just not ready to give it up and I didn't want to, I knew I needed to change it, but to me it was like, I just need to reign it in a bit. So, so tell me more about like, what was helpful for you when you. First quit, like what was helpful about that coach? Casey: Yeah. I mean, I think the big thing that helped me were a couple things because I had tried AA before. One of the things I really liked about Bell's approach was, you know, the, the starting one. The hundred day challenge. Like let's go a hundred days without alcohol with me as your guide, sort of holding your hand step-by-step so it wasn't forever. There were no labels. Like, you know, she talks about like, Oh, those of us who were boozers are those of us who drink a lot or, you know, whatever it was, it wasn't like, I didn't need to say I'm an alcoholic and I can never drink again. Which to me was like a super high barrier of entry, you know? Like it was just, it. It triggered all these debates about whether I'm really that bad or whether I have to, or whether I want this life for whether I agree with all the tenants and the mantras and whatever. So instead it was like, Hey, take a hundred day break from alcohol and see if you feel better. Right. Like, and, and Bell's thing was like, nobody needs to do. You don't need to drink, not drinking suits you, which was a very kind and incremental approach, which is what I needed, because I didn't feel like I was a horrible person or had a character defect or needed to make amends. Like I just didn't. I was like, I'm a good person. I work hard. Like I take care of my family. I just, for some reason, Tell myself, I'm going to take a break from drinking or cut it back. And then I drink a bottle. I want to open a second one. And now I know like it's the fucking alcohol. Like it is a dingy. The substance is working as designed like anyone with enough exposure and a consumption of alcohol is going to go down that path eventually because. It's an addictive substance in the same way that cocaine and heroin is, you know, it's different, but it, it functions the same and cigarettes. And the reason that some people consume more is your social environment is underlying stuff like anxiety or depression or. Or, you know, stress or poor coping skills, which alcohol works for a long time. Like it does ease some of that until it doesn't and it makes it worse. And just your beliefs about alcohol and the friends and family you grew up in. Right. It's and, and, you know, so in my, what helped me was I was. Oh, it's not me. It's not that I have a character defect. It is literally the substance and in the same way that someone gets addicted to smoking because you go in withdrawal when you don't have it, when something. Shit. I got to stop smoking. Everyone's like good for you. That shit is bad for you. That stuff causes fucking cancer. Like, you know, in the same way, like you smell bad when you smoke all your clothes and your breath and shit. Like when you drink, your eyes are bloodshot, your skin looks crappy. Like you gain weight. You're bloated, like. It's not good for you. And yet when you stop drinking, everybody blames the person, not the substance. Like why couldn't you handle it? So Bell's approach was helpful for me. I needed that. It resonated with me. We also have. Emailed every day. And now when I work with clients, I'm a, I'm a PR silver coach. I work with sort of high achieving women, similar to me who drink too much. And they've tried to moderate before. Like they've tried all the things and haven't been able to same thing. Like we start off with a hundred days. I text and email with them every day we do coaching calls, but it's okay. It's day seven. You know, or day five, like day five is hard. It's your first weekend. What's your plan? What's your sober treat for the day? What's your anchor activity? What can you say to people about why you're not drinking that will stop them from pressuring you, you know, isn't, I'm just not drinking tonight. It's Hey, I'm taking a break from alcohol, but you can also say. Because I want to sleep better and I want more energy. I mean, it's a health kick in the same way. Some people decide to run a 10 K or do whole 30 for a month or whatever, right? Like it's a health choice. It's not a moral. And kind of work them through like all the things that can trip you up and make you go back to wanting to drink, like, oh my God, you had a horrible day at work and you want to drink, you're going to a dinner party. Of course you want to drink 30 days, your mind can play tricks on you. You can be like, well, I made it 30 days. Clearly. I don't have a problem. I can drink and just quit again. Anytime I want. You know, so those ups and downs that happen in your first hundred days, which are super predictable, but if you don't know they're coming, they can be really difficult to navigate on your own and in your own head. And then by the time you get to a hundred days, the goal is you've experienced a big party or a holiday or a birthday or a vacation you've gone through stressful days and celebrations. Talk to people about it. You feel physically better. You look better. And you're like, you know what? I feel so much better than I did when I was drinking and waking up with a hangover. I want to see what six months looks like and how that feels. And you sort of move the milestones. It wasn't till I got to a year that I was like, you know what? I think I'm. I think I'm done drinking. I used to drink, I loved it and I feel better without it. And so I'm gonna, I'm going to not drink anymore. You know, it wasn't till I got that to that point that I was comfortable saying. DEB: Yeah, so much good nuggets that you'd just said throughout all that. So how did you go from being, you know, a corporate, a director at L'Oreal really fancy job? Like what, what's your story after that you quit drinking and you pivoted obviously, like, can you walk us through that journey? Casey: Well, I think that. In retrospect, I would, you know, the job, the career that I went into, I mean, it was fun. Right. I liked working at big companies. There were a lot of perks. There was interesting things to do. But it was really stressful. And I really enjoyed being an individual contributor. Like I was in marketing. I was in digital marketing. I went to college and loved sociology. I ended up getting a sociology and history degree and I was always fascinated by what we do, why we do on a big scale societal wise, like what are the influences in American culture that. Shape our beliefs and our actions. And that's why marketing was really appealing to me. Right. The focus groups, the studies, the research, the testing of like what messages work and don't work. So the job itself was fascinating to be an interesting, and I think the irony of it all is the higher you go in different companies. The less, sometimes the less often you get to do the work that really interested you in the first place. So I got to the director level, I worked at Starbucks. I worked at a bunch of startups in different fields. I worked at L'Oreal for five years and You know, eventually I was in charge of like the e-commerce site and digital sales, and it was all about like the daily targets and the profit and loss margins and managing a team and how much you sold and how you, you know, what's the budget for next year. And it was really, really strict. I mean, it was, I, you know, and part of that was because I was drinking. Right. You know, I felt like I was constant, honestly. Like my husband used to call me at work and I would just be like, oh, today was bad. This is bad. This is breaking. This is, I got to go. And he was like, you're not fucking curing cancer. Like what the hell you're selling? You know, I worked for Clarisonic brand and he was like, you're selling goddamn face brushes, you know? And I was like Once I stopped drinking. My job was way easier. Like shockingly. I mean, I used to like agree. They talk about when you're drinking, like pulling a geographic, right? Like I'm going to change my situation and who I'm surrounded with. And therefore I won't have a problem drinking. I kind of tried to pull a geographic with my work, like, oh, startups are too stressful. I'm going to go work at a big corporation. My boss is the problem. Like this, this role is the problem. Right. And yet, you know, I mean, one of my best friends worked for Amazon, worked for Kindle back in the day. And she was always pretty chill. She didn't work crazy hours. She left when she wanted to. And I was like, yeah, Mike, my husband. I think I need to go work for Kendall. And he was like, are you fucking kidding me? Like Amazon startup brands super successful, incredibly high pressure. He was like, yeah, it's not the company, sweetie. You know, like I just, you know, CA he told me I had a daddy complex with every boss I had and man, or woman. And I did, like, I just desperately wanted that approval and would do anything for it. And by the way, like, my husband's awesome. He was not criticizing me. I'm just sharing the parts that like, I'm like, yeah. In retrospect, that was a hundred percent true. So at the end of the day, You know, we did some, I worked in e-comm. So like black Friday cyber Monday sales was on phone calls three times a day, that Thanksgiving weekend. And I turned to my husband and I'd stopped drinking. And I was like, babe, I don't want to do this in five years. I don't want to do this in two years. I don't fucking want to do this tomorrow. Like I hate this and. I don't think I would've done that if I had been drinking because I would have blamed myself. I literally went around when I was drinking and going, why can't I cope? Why can everyone else deal with life? And I. And crippled with this anxiety and self doubt. And nobody else knew that like people thought I kept getting promoted. Like, you know, I was just like going in with my big smile, but like internally I was mess and drinking to deal with that too. And so once I stopped drinking and. I don't want to do this anymore. And I, you know, all the things that hold you back, right. I made double what my husband made. I had two kids, I had a mortgage. I was afraid I'd never make any money if I left, but there comes a point where you're like, I want to be happy. And so. I went back to coaching school while I was working. I started coaching clients while I was working, which cracks me up because when I was drinking, I literally could barely make it through the day. And then once I stopped drinking, suddenly I can. Do school and a second job while still having the same job while still having two kids. And I loved it and I feel like it's really a return to what I was originally interested in. Right. I love studying the feminine feminization of alcohol marketing to women. I love studying, you know, the society women are raised in and why it impacts how. React the way we do, how we deal with stress, why we don't ask for more all the things that keep highly successful women in the trap of drinking to cope, instead of feeling confident enough in themselves to not want to shut off their minds, you know? And so. Yeah, I decided to leave corporate. It was super scary. I did it two and a half years ago. I've been coaching full-time ever since. And I. DEB: That's so great. I thank you for sharing your story because I think a lot of people, I just seems like I've talked to a lot of people and when you remove alcohol from your life, like the transformation that happens. So meaningful. And, and like you said, like, would you have done that? Had you still been drinking and probably not. And just, you see people do eventually take these big career pivots or maybe, you know, I've seen women leave their husbands and come out as gay or, you know, Like these big life changes. I even have a dear friend who came out trans and so it's just, but they all are like, I could never have done that. Had I not gotten sober and. It just thinking about how much alcohol had been numbing, all these different parts of your Casey: life. Yeah. I mean, I think that one of the best things I heard someone talk about was the idea of, I think it was Rachel Hart. I interviewed her on my podcast. And she's from take a break from drinking. And she said there are two types of problems that we need to solve for when we stopped drinking. The first is the aftermath problems. And that's usually what leads someone to finally decide to stop. Right? So after math problems being like the hangovers, the fuzzy memories, the anxiety problems that it's causing in your life, right? Those are the aftermath problems. Once you get rid of that, We all have some version of underlying problems that we need to deal with. And those are the things that bothered us in some way or another. That once we started drinking felt more tolerable and whether it's. Anxiety or conflict in your home or your marriage or your high needs child, or just any child? Like you're a stay at home mom and it's really, really difficult. Or you're on the road, 25% of the time and it's causing tension and you don't see your kids. So you feel like you're never measuring up in the either way or like you said, you're, you're gay, you're trans you're anything. You know, you're like me a square peg in a round hole of your career. And yet feel like you can't jump off. Those underlying problems are what come up afterwards. And like, trust me, you, 70% of your life gets way better. Once you stop drinking. And once you're constantly out of the I'm going to stop, fuck it. I'm going to stop. Fuck it. Right. That's hard. But. The good news is that once you stop drinking, you finally get to deal with those underlying problems and actually solve for them. And it, that doesn't mean it's easy, but it means you can finally put them in the rear view mirror. You're clear enough, you're powerful enough. You're confident enough. And that. You know, lots of people need therapy to help. I needed a therapy plus medication for like an underlying mood disorder. You know, you need support of friends. You need people who get it, get the drinking thing and the not drinking thing. But I think what I've seen with the women I coach and what I've seen with myself is, you know, you get out of that and then the things you get, you know, feel like you want to drink to tolerate. Drinking. Isn't the answer. The answer is you got to change the things you're barely tolerating. Like some stuff has to go and it's good. DEB: Yeah. Shoot, I'm having a brain fart, so many good things here. Well, it will come back to me, but tell me a little bit more about like how you help other people. Casey: Yeah. Well, so, like I said, I became a sober coach. I'm a life and sobriety coach. I both work with women one-on-one but I only take four new clients every month and that's because the one-on-one work is amazing. And. Really personal. So when I work with women we do, you know, we typically work together over the course of four or five months. You know, we do one-on-one coaching sessions and we also text any. Every day. So what that means is kind of, I'm the person that they text when they've had a bad day or when they're on a business trip or when, you know, they're going out to a dinner party, right. Or going to a festival, like I. The person and I call that micro coaching. You know, a lot of the coaching you do around sobriety is not necessarily, oh my God, I'm having a huge craving or someone put a bottle of wine in front of me. And how do I say no? A lot of it is your emotions and your fears about life without alcohol or the fact you've never navigated certain things or. Something, your parents said, you know, it's, it's a lot of small things. And so it's sort of redirecting them. To what they're doing, what they really want, why they're doing it and finding other coping skills. So I do private one-on-one coaching, which I love. I also do my podcast, which I think is so much fun for me and also really valuable. So it's, I bring on tons of amazing authors and guests and other coaches and thought leaders. And it's, it's not just about. Not drinking, although that's a huge part of it, but it's also about like making marriage work and attachment styles and, you know, disordered eating and how to deal with anger and ADHD and alcohol and women like perfectionism, imposter syndrome, all the things we go through that make drinking attractive. So it's about other coping skills. And doing that. And then I have an online course and it basically is my complete sober coaching framework in an on demand an on-demand format. Right. So you can do it at your own pace. It's on an app. You can start anytime you want, and that's called the sobriety starter kit. So those are kind of the, the three ways that I support women in quitting drinking. Yeah. And that's what a. DEB: Those are great. And I love your podcast that hello someday. I liked that name too. How did you come up with that name? Yeah, Casey: well, I used to, and I know a lot of women do you know the idea of like, well, someday I'll leave my job or someday I will change this thing in my life someday I'll run a 10 K you know, or do whatever, but I'll do it. You know, not, not right now. Right. My kids are too young. My job is too stressful. I don't have enough time. The money's not there, whatever it is. And so. I like the idea of starting before you're ready, starting now that everything doesn't have to be in place, you can take the first steps. And so that's the idea behind hello someday. Like just your someday can start today. And it doesn't mean you have to upend your life, but it does mean that you can begin. And I always think of it as the idea of like following your divine breadcrumbs, like taking a step towards something that lights you up and then you will inevitably see another step ahead of you and you don't need to know what the outcomes are. I DEB: love that. It's so, so good. It's just, yeah. Someday is here. It's one day or day one. Casey: And also someday it's not guaranteed, you know, like my dad. Got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when I was 23. And kind of told you, you had six months to live and he ended up living six years, which is amazing. He had a big operation, all that kind of stuff, but he died when I was 29. He never accessed his 401k. Right. That kind of stuff like his retirement fund. And the one thing he told me, I mean, I was a total daddy's girl. I adored him. But he was a foreign service officer. So he lived with my mom. My mom was too in Africa and south America and Australia and Europe, you know, just amazing places. It was not easy for me. And my sister has children moving to. Countries and continents every two or three years, but he loved it. And he told me that he was so glad that he and my mom never waited to take a trip until we were at a college or until we were old enough. I mean, they did, you know, train trips across Southern Africa and all the things and. I really took that to heart. I mean, I was drinking all through a sickness and death. It was I would have been a lot better off if I didn't, I was kind of a mess, but my sister took his portion of the 401k and like paid down her mortgage, like a good, good responsible citizen of the world. And I took mine and I put it in a dream trip fund and you know, my husband and I have used. Dad's retirement fund to go to Australia and Croatia and Greece and Amsterdam. And every time we just toast to him and, you know, say like, you know, if you want to do something, do it now. DEB: Wow. That's so powerful. I mean, it's so true. We don't know what's going to happen. Like you said, some days not guaranteed and Casey: you deserve to be happy. I mean, everybody does, like women are like, is this just what adulting is? Am I just supposed to like put my head down and grind it out for 10 years? And I'm like, no fucking, no, you know, don't, that's what leads you to drink? DEB: So if you were listening to, or if someone was listening to us talking, what, what would you say if, if they're like, how do I do it? What should I do? I don't know where to begin. Casey: I would say, lower the bar and lower the stakes of all of the things you worry about with. Oh, my God, I have a problem with alcohol or I need to stop, or this isn't working because we are always, you know, I know for me, I was like, my life will be over. I will never have fun. Again. People will think I had a quote unquote real problem. I'll never be able to go on a business trip or out to happy hour with coworkers, like all the things. And instead of. Just see it as an experiment, just see it as a health kick. See it as something that like, you know, what your life looks. When you're drinking, like if this is the beginning of summer, you've probably done 20 years of drinking summers, you know, the good stuff and you know, the bad stuff, you know, the hangovers, you know, the regret, you know, I mean, I used to like, be like, oh my God, I'm going over to my girlfriend's house with a bunch of couples and new year's Eve. And I don't have the kids and this is going to be awesome. And like, I'm pretty sure I was out by 9:00 PM. Like I don't remember going to bed. I was not there for midnight. I woke up with a brutal hangover, so embarrassed. God knows what my husband did. You know, he, no one to kiss amongst all these couples at new year's like. You know what drinking life is like, but like, get honest about it, but you have no idea how amazing a summer could be without alcohol. Like, would you run a 10? K would you have picnics in the sunshine? Would you actually go biking the way you always said you were going to do? Would you go, you know, all the things you want to do? That you don't have energy for you don't follow through on. So just do it for a hundred days and get support, like join a community, get a coach, read the books, listen to podcasts because you know, there are thousands and thousands of women just like you who are on this alcohol free path and they have tips and tricks. You don't need to stumble around in the dark alone. DEB: Yeah. So. So true. Like you're not alone and there are, there's more than a, and there's just lots of resources out there for you to try. Just like, Casey: but you said if AA works for you, that's amazing and wonderful. And I know a lot of women who are like, that's not for me and therefore I, I just need to keep drinking, right. Or I will like, I'm not an alcoholic. And therefore that means. I don't need to stop. And the truth is. You may not quote unquote need to stop, but you will be a hell of a lot happier if you do. And I say that from personal experience and from working with hundreds of women, like alcohol drags you down, it fucks up your dopamine in your head. It spikes it really high. So you literally are less content and happy navigating life than you would. Without it, it causes depression, it causes anxiety. It, it shoots your nervous system to hell. So like you don't quote unquote, have to stop drinking or you may not, but your life will be significantly better without it, like, as Belle said, nobody needs to do. DEB: Yeah, that's what we were kind of talking about questions before. And really there's just one question when it comes to drinking and that's would your life improve without alcohol? And if you don't know, then try. And if the answer is yes, then be free, you know, and just see your sign up there says the SB free. Casey: I know. Well, for some reason I love that song. It says, sing out, say yes, be free. And you know, it's that like, if you want to sing out sing, I don't know. It just makes me happy. Want to be free, be free, DEB: you know, but that's what we're talking about. Like we, you know, we had talked about finding the moderation. Magic pill and. That's not freedom. The freedom is removing alcohol and having no desire to drink. And just knowing like, your life is better without it. That's the freedom. Casey: Yeah. And women always say to me, like when you're trying and trust me no judgment, I was there for literally. Eight 10 years. They're like, I'm fucking tired of thinking about drinking. Like I'm tired of like trying to stop. I'm tired of working on my triggers. I'm trying of saying no to things because I know I'm going to drink it them. And I'm like, Yeah. The only way to stop thinking about drinking from dominating your life is to drop the rope and get some distance from it. Right. Because some women are like, I'm just going to drink because I don't want to think about this anymore. And I'm like, yeah, all that's going to do is sort of delay. What you want for whatever, however long you keep drinking months or years, right. You can kind of tread water for another year in this just okay. Kind of average sort of shitty life. Cause I did, you know, and looking back, I just pushed off feeling good and I know a lot of women worry about like, Will I spend the rest of my life feeling deprived and wanting to drink and not being able to, and just, just using this willpower. And the answer is. You won't. I mean, I know you don't believe me and you might not believe dad, but it's true. You don't, you get away from it. I feel like alcohol is like this magnet. The closer you are to drinking the pull on you is so strong. And then as you get some more distance it weekends, it just does. It's like a magnet. So you get further away and it just doesn't have that pull on you anymore. DEB: Yeah. When, when you were talking about. Experiencing holidays without drinking, experiencing a year without drinking exp it made me think of relationships. And have you heard the relationship advice? Like make sure you go through all four seasons or be with your partner for a year before you decide to marry them because you need to experience everything. With them that you need to experience celebrations and joy, and you also need to experience heartache and sorrow, and it's like your new alcohol free relationship is the same way. Yeah. And I call things kind of like sober bucket lists. Like, like you were saying, you've never had a sober summer. It's been since you were 13 for me business that I was one of those early drinker, but yeah. It's like, but have you been to a sober wedding? When's the last time you went to a concert and had a sober concert? Like, why don't you just try some of these experiences being fully present? Casey: Yeah. And like take the good, appreciate the good and just acknowledge the stuff that is hard, because any time you do something for the first time, it is going to be uncomfortable, right. It just is. And usually it's the first 20 minute. That are the hardest, right? Eat something. Don't go into a dinner party or a wedding hungry, hungry hunger is a huge trigger. Right? Bring your own alcohol free drinks. If you're going to a barbecue. I absolutely love athletic brewing company and a beer like it's fucking. It's really good and like groovy, bubbly, rosy and groovy Prosecco. It's totally alcohol free. Like I can't tell the difference. Like the first time I picked up groovy per Secco, I checked the label on the bottle three times. Cause I was like, no fucking way. This is truly alcohol freely. I was like, what the hell? You know? Try it go through it. If it's uncomfortable. That's okay. My first Christmas Eve dinner not drinking was miserable. My husband and mom had a bottle of red wine on the table. And I didn't say, can you guys not do that because I was trying to be cool. I was like, it's their Christmas Eve too. I was like, so pissed. You know, and just so resentful and you know, now I'm like no drink something else. Like red wine is my jam. Like go have a gin and tonic for Christ sake. Like have a beer. No, I'm not having it at my dinner table for Christmas Eve. But that was hard. My first Christmas Eve now it's not, it's not hard at all. And. The next morning, Christmas morning without a hangover was amazing. I mean, I had a Christmas Eve that was not the point that I stopped drinking, which in retrospect like Christ really where I don't remember going to. I'm pretty sure. I just passed out. I forgot to fill out the stockings, my kids' Christmas stockings and my husband's and I was the person who like collected the stock and stuff all year. I had a huge stash. I've been, you know, putting stuff away. And my husband didn't know where the stash was. Right. So I can't imagine. I'm sure he tried to wake me up. Right? Of course he needed the stocking shit could not wake me up. I went down in the morning with a brutal hangover. The kids' stockings were like a quarter. And Mike stocking was empty. Mine was full because he'd done mine and the kids were already awake. I could not fix it. And that morning sucked, like not only how I physically felt, but like the guilt and the self-loathing and the embarrassment and trying to pull it off. Like, my mom I'm sure was like where the fuck's Casey. Like I didn't put out the Santa's cookies and milk and you know, all that stuff. So yes. Christmas Eve dinner, not drinking was hard. And by the way, I went upstairs and like texted my sober bestie. It was like, these fucking people need to finish the wine. Like, how the hell is it taking them this long? Like, you know, and my God, the next day was amazing in, in comparison. So. Be realistic. Like, don't just, I feel like so many people romanticize drinking, right? Like, oh, Christmas Eve, you know, my drink, my whatever. Yeah. But what about Christmas morning? Like romanticize sobriety to, DEB: yeah. And, and what that story? I mean, thank you for sharing that, that had been so gut wrenching. I can't, I mean, I have moments like that too. And like you said, we're. That maybe should have been bottom, but Casey: then it's like, I was hung over. I drank that night. Right. DEB: But what it made me think of is like, choose your heart. Would you rather feel uncomfortable at that Christmas Eve dinner or feel like a sack of shit the next day? I mean, choosing. Casey: I love that. Choose your heart. And I love, you know, I thank you for saying that because, you know, I truly believe like being so. It's difficult. Right? It's hard. Let's of course it is. Otherwise it wouldn't take us awhile to get away from it. But drinking is hard too. Like, people are always like, oh, people who drink have no willpower. They're weak. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Do you know how hard it is to do a job and be a parent with a brutal hangover and a fuzzy memory? Like every goddamn day. That is determination, right? Like that is difficult, but not drinking gets easier. Right. It gets so much easier month after month and you get happier. Drinking is hard and it only gets harder. DEB: Absolutely. Well, I appreciate you so much. I'm so glad that you were able to come on the show and share your story and your resources. How can someone find you? Casey: Yeah, the best place to find me is at hello, someday coaching.com. There I have a completely free 30, 30 tips for your first 30 days. It's really comprehensive. It's like 35 pages long, but like great stuff in there about like what to expect on day six and day 16 and what to do. And. You know how like really practical, so you can find my free guide there. You can find my podcast there. Deb is going to be on my podcast. Talking about a hundred questions. You should, you should ask yourself about your drinking or when you're considering not drinking. You know, great stuff on there. I've had any grace on there. I've had Catherine Gray who wrote the unexpected joy of being sober. I've had Claire Pooley who wrote the sober diaries. My coach, Belle Robertson, who I know is coming on here too. And I adore her. Yeah. And you can find my course on there. DEB: Good. All right. Well, I hope that you all check out Casey. It's just been so nice to meet you and we live in neighboring states. So I hope I see you in real life. There's a lot of people that are what I love about what we both do is it's worldwide. So it kind of feel more of a connection having someone who is close. So I. Casey: Seattle like the next town over. So next time you come here. DEB: Okay. Let's do it. Let's do it for sure. You guys have all heard that we are going to have a. Good. Well, thank you so much. Thank you everyone for listening, please. Feel free to share this show so you can help other people and like it subscribe to it, rate. It just helps it get passed around so we can help people really change their drinking. I thank you all for listening and I will talk to you next week.