Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. I'm your host, Deb Masner. I'm a registered nurse, health coach, and alcohol free badass. I have found that there's more than one way to address drinking. If you've ever asked yourself if drinking is taking more than it's giving, or if you found that you're drinking more than usual, you may have reached your own alcohol tipping point. The alcohol tipping point is a podcast for you to find tips, tools, and thoughts to change your drinking. Whether you're ready to quit forever or a week, this is the place for you. You are not stuck, and you can change.
[00:00:35] Speaker B: Let's get started.
Today on the show, I am sharing a recording of part of my class that I have. My class is called mindful af. It's one I've offered, oh, gosh, like four times now. But I wanted to share this particular excerpt from this class on autopilot and habits. Because so much of our drinking is just a habit. It's a habit that we've developed, and that means it's a habit that we can undo, and it's a habit we can break. And I think it's helpful just to kind of learn about habits, about automatic behavior, and then learn some techniques for breaking out of a habit, breaking out of that autopilot. And mindfulness is one way you can do that. And so I wanted to share this excerpt. It's a recording of my class on automaticity, and I think that it's going to be really helpful for you. It will teach you about different automatic behaviors and automatic cycles. And we think of habits. We think habits are just things we do. They're behaviors. And really, we have different kinds of habits related to how we think and how we feel. We don't even realize that sometime until we can slow down and make changes. So I think you'll find this to be a really interesting podcast episode. And then I want to invite you to the next alcohol a day. If you are looking for a way to break the cycle, to break the habit of drinking, I'd love to help you out in our monthly dry group, which I call alcohol holidays, because it's a gift. It is a holiday. It is a holiday for your health, both physically and mentally. And it's something I've been hosting now for three years, which is kind of unbelievable. And I just love it. I love helping people make changes. And it's for people, whether you're just taking a break from drinking, whether you're done, whether you're done, you're ready to divorce from alcohol and just tell you a little bit about what you get. It starts the first of every month. It's a small group setting. It's in a private online site. It's not on facebook.
You get daily content and support. You get a really extensive guide and workbook, lots of, lots of information. I want to be able to give you so many different like thoughts and tips and mindset tricks just to make this easier. And a lot of people will find that they have their own secret sauce. They have their own tools that help them deal with common triggers that we get. Common triggers from cravings, stress, anxiety, socializing, all that stuff. So I want to give you a lot of help so that you can have a successful break from alcohol, whether that's for a month or the rest of your life, whatever you decide. And I want to make it really affordable for you. It's less than $3 a day, and as a podcast listener, you always get 20% off by using the code love love. And I would love to help you in the next alcoholiday. So look for the link in my show notes or just go to my website. I'll call tippingpoint.com. there are also lots of other free resources there to help you. I have a ten day free email break. I have a dry guide.
I have 100 questions to change your drinking. If you're really into journaling and journaling prompts, check that out.
Without further ado, here is the episode about breaking out of the drinking autopilot. Thanks for listening.
We are going to be talking about automaticity, and it's just a fancy word for being on autopilot, basically, and for our habits and just things that we automatically do. We're going to talk about automatic behavior and automatic cycles and then how they are all connected to mindfulness.
So first of all, I like to start with an example of automaticity. And so my example is, imagine that you're walking down the street, you see a friend and you wave and you're just like, oh, hey. And they do not respond, right. They just keep walking, no reaction. And then you're just kind of like, right. Has anyone had that happen to them before?
I do it all the time. So as you were imagining that, did you notice any of your thoughts or emotions and where did they go to right away?
If you're like me, like sometimes right away they go to.
Sometimes it's concerned, like, oh my gosh, they probably need to get their eyes checked or it's something of dismay or like, what did I do? What went wrong? Did I make them angry? Oh, my gosh. What's happening? You know? And it happens so quick that we just kind of have an automatic thought there, like, what's happening? What's going on? And it's not always a positive automatic thought, right? So automaticity is just an automatic pattern of behavior. It's autopilot. Right. It's when our thoughts just emerge immediately and automatically. And what happens is we start to make stories up, and. And they're oftentimes not true, and we just don't have enough facts, right. So when we see that person and they don't wave, we're making up a story. We're like, oh, they. They must be mad at me. I'll remember when I said this and this, or I didn't go to their party or whatever. We don't even know if that's true or not. Our mind has just gone down that rabbit hole right away, and it's really good at it. Right. We do use automaticity in several ways. Right. But more about what it is. It's something that we're oftentimes not even aware of. Right. And that's where mindfulness comes in, because the whole point of mindfulness is to become more aware of things, to become more in the present moment.
And actually, most of our behaviors are automatic. They estimate, like, 90% of what we do is automatic. And it's a good thing, too, right? Because we can't use up all that brain space. I'm thinking of things like driving and eating and playing instruments and making gestures like I'm doing right now. My biggest example of automation is husband trying to teach my daughter to drive. I am so used to driving that when I try to stop and tell her what to do, I'm a terrible driver's ed teacher. Let's just put it that way. I don't know what to tell her.
And so for her, when she's starting to drive, it's very slow. It's getting in the car, turning it on, putting it in park. Okay, now, are you checking your mirror? Like, there's so much going on until she's getting better and better at it, and then it just becomes automatic. And then we can drive and have a conversation and listen to music or whatever we do when we drive. And it's probably not that safe either.
Don't text and drive. There's your reminder. But these automatic behaviors are very useful for us, and they're built through repetition. Right. We do them again and again, and that's how they become automatic. That's how we learn.
And so some of the benefits are we can do things really fast and do multiple things at the same time. Thank goodness, right? Or we wouldn't get anything done. If you give us some mental shortcuts for getting stuff done and making choices and just being quick, you know, especially at work. I think about work, and there's some things that I can just do automatically without thinking. There was quite a learning curve when I started. Um, but now it's so much easier.
And it lets us multitask, too. Right? We can do multiple things at the same time because we are trained to, but there are disadvantages. Here's this quote. We first make our habits, and then our habits make us, because oftentimes we end up doing things, we end up having automatic patterns that are hard to break, like drinking.
And we end up living on autopilot, right? It's where we're just doing things automatically. We're not even noticing what we're doing. And sometimes it's churning out judgments about ourselves, about other people. Sometimes it's those automatic stories we start telling ourselves. And sometimes we're just caught up in our thoughts and our feelings. And again, here we are disconnected from what's going on right now. You know, you see, he has his blinders on, and he's just on autopilot. We're doing so many things at the same time. You know, he's got his tv out and his newspaper, but he might as well have his phone out and is just doing so many things, and we're not really there. We're really disconnected.
And these can be difficult to change. Our habits are really, really difficult to change. And oftentimes because we're not even aware of them, right? A lot of them are just unconscious, and we're not aware of them. I recently changed my habit of having creamer in my coffee in the morning, and I cannot tell you how many times I've still gone and opened the refrigerator door to get the creamer, put it in without even noticing, taking a drink, and then being like, oh, my gosh, I was going to change that. Right?
And then with our drinking habits, that's a huge one. That is a lot of the times on autopilot. And it becomes really difficult to change because it's just our go to behavior, just our go to action.
So, like I said, a lot of these problem or patterns, they can cause problems, right? So our automatic desire for drinking when we're in a certain place, when a certain thing happens, you know, they call those triggers sometimes it's called a cue. And then it's not always a behavior, right? It can be an automatic negative thought or rumination when something unpleasant happens. So our mind can just go to that spot where we're just automatically like, oh, they don't like me, or oh, that's awful, whatever. And that just kind of lets our emotions guide our behavior and it makes us feel out of control sometimes, even though it is in control, a lot of the times we feel out of control because we're like, where did that come from? Why did I do that? Well, you're on autopilot.
I actually read this poem. I believe the title I've seen there's a hole in my sidewalk. But also my autobiography is another name for this poem. And it goes like this. I walk down the street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in, I am lost, I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I dont see it, I fall in again. I cant believe im in the same place, but it isnt my fault. It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street, theres a deep hole in the sidewalk, I see it is there. I still fall in. Its a habit. My eyes are open, I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. I walk down another street.
And I just think, that is such a good poem to show how we get stuck in these habits and how we can become aware of them and we can break them, and we can choose to walk around that hole in the sidewalk or choose another street.
So let's talk about automatic behavior and the link between automatic behavior and mindfulness.
A lot of what we're doing is we're reacting.
We're just immediately reacting to a situation.
And that happens so fast in our brain. Like that's our little neurotransmitter, just really fast. So sometimes that can be called impulsivity or just automatic behavior.
And an example of that would be receiving a snide remark. Maybe it's from your husband or your teenager or whoever.
And sometimes our automatic reaction, if it's our kid, maybe just to yell at them, maybe it's to ignore them. Maybe there is something we always do when that happens.
Another example is feeling sad.
Maybe when our body starts to feel that emotion of sadness, we start to push it away. Maybe that's our reaction. Maybe our automatic reaction is, oh, I can't feel this way. I shouldn't feel this way. I'm going to push it away.
So you have this situation, whether it's a sad feeling, whether it's a fight with your partner, maybe you feel anxious at a party, maybe it's a celebration. And this is what has happened with a lot of us. Our go to behavior, our go to reaction has been to jerk. That has been the neural pathway that we have built.
So how can we break it? How can we change it?
It's by increasing attention, right? It's mindfulness. That's what we're learning about this whole time. It's attention. It's turning on the flashlight and shining on that moment, having a pause, bringing attention to that moment.
So again, we have a situation and we're going to pay mindful attention to it, and then we can choose our reaction. And this is the mindful pause.
And Lisa brought it up in our chat feed earlier last week, too. Like, just how can we pause between what has happened and what we, and how we decide to react to it? How do we pause there?
You know, there's this quote, mindfulness is a pause. It's the space between stimulus and response. And that's where choice lies.
When you are faced with a situation, you know, first of all, bring attention to it, stop and ask yourself, like, what is going on? What do I feel and what am I going to do about it? What's my intention? What's my tendency? What am I going to do?
A lot of times, it's helpful to stop in that moment and really feel the emotion. This is where, you know, usually when we start to feel that emotion, that uncomfortableness, that anxiousness, that sadness or anger, usually we numb it out with drinking. But now what we're asking you to do with mindfulness is to feel it, right? And so really getting detailed and scientific about it, like, where in your body are the feelings located? Are you feeling it in your stomach? Are you feeling tight in your shoulders or your head? Or is it in your chest? Does your chest feel tight? You know, is there a center point where you can feel it? How far does it extend? Like, is it radiating? Is it your whole body vibrating with that emotion? Or is it just right, right at your heart?
You know, does the emotion feel dull or is it sharp? Is it stabby? Is it hot? Is it cold?
Does it have a color? You know, a lot of people like giving their emotions colors. That can be helpful, especially if you're really visual, does it have a shape? Is it like a blob?
Or is it really sharp, tight? Right? Or is it moving about? Is it like a cloud hovering?
And maybe you're feeling nothing at all, right? Maybe you're feeling a little numb, too.
So just getting really curious about, you know, when you're in that mindful pause, getting curious about what you're actually feeling, what emotions are there.
So let's take another example again, a similar one. So you have a fight with your partner.
And so, pause. What are you noticing?
You know, maybe it's. I'm getting angry, feeling tension in my chest.
I'm feeling like I want to drink it away.
And then here comes your choice. Here comes your reaction.
Your reaction. You could choose to shout. You could choose to drink. You could choose to stay calm. You could choose to walk away.
But what's most important here is just realizing that you have a choice to how you respond, and that's how you can break that automatic behavior.
And that's your choice. That's what we're talking about, conscious choice. So bringing what was unconscious into the consciousness, and you do that by paying attention and practice, lots of practice.
Let's talk about automatic cycles. So, this is that cycle of thinking and feeling, right? It's the I'm having a thought that I want to drink. Now, my emotion is I'm feeling disappointed. I'm feeling anxious.
And now that anxiousness is making me feel like I have the thought that I want to drink. This is our cycle. This is what we do over and over and over again, and we get stuck in those thought loops, okay? And let's just take that innocuous one of waving at someone. That was your situation, right? You waved at someone, they ignored you, or they did not respond. Right. Your emotion was dismay or embarrassment, like, oh, my God, I hope no one saw that, right? And then your thought was like, what?
Why do I always do that? I'm so silly. Why am I so, you know, like, why do I make a fool of myself? That was your thought.
And then you go back to emotion from that thought would be like, oh, I'm just a weirdo. Nobody likes to me. I'm feeling sad now. That's your emotion. Then your thought is, nobody likes me. And then you're stuck in this thought cycle. And maybe that will lead you to feeling like, I want to drink this away.
It's happened to all of us, right? Here's another example of traffic jam, okay? You're in a traffic jam. You're frustrated, maybe angry. Hate this. I hate driving. I hate my job, whatever it is.
Now, I hate. This is my thought. And then I go back to. I'm frustrated. Why do I even have to work? You know, anger. Anger's my emotion. Then I go back to my thought again. I'm quitting my job. I'm never driving again.
And we're stuck. Now we're stuck in our loop again, okay. With it, drinking. This is the loop we're all so, so familiar with. So our situation is we drink and we're frustrated that we drink, and we start thinking, why can't I get this? When am I ever going to get this?
Then we start to feel shame.
We start to feel like, I don't. I don't want to feel this way. I hate feeling this way. Right? I need to get rid of this feeling. How can I get rid of this feeling? I'm going to drink. And then we're in our drinking cycle again, and it's exhausting. It's really, really exhausting.
And I think this picture kind of shows us how exhausting it is, right? She's just. It's everywhere. We're lost. It's in a loop. We're just captured in the cycle, and we don't want to feel it anymore.
We just want to get out of it, right? So how do we get out of it?
How do we leave this cycle?
It's connecting to the present moment. It's finding your anchor.
It's this mindfulness, right? And your anchor, remember, that can be your breath. That can be a grounding object, that can be something that will bring you back into right now, because right now you are okay, and it's a neutral place. Right. Your breath is neutral, and you're going to allow your feelings to be present.
Like, you. You are noticing them. That's where. That's why we're kind of removing ourselves from being in with our feelings. I kind of think of being in with your feelings. Like you're in the ocean and you're just treading water. The ocean has your feelings, and you're treading water, and you're in it. But when you can get out and you're on a boat, then you are observing the ocean and the water and the feelings around you, but you're not in it. You're not drowning in it. You are observing them, and you're allowing them without judgment. Okay. I'm having the feeling that I'm angry. Having the feeling that I'm anxious.
I'm having the thought that I want to drink.
And you just notice when the thinking is taking over again, having the thought that I'm a terrible person, having the thought that I'm never going to get this, and that is making me feel and have the feeling that. And then you describe the feeling and you're allowing it. It's really different than what we've been doing before. Before we've been distracting. We've been suppressing. This is allowing, and it takes practice because we don't want to allow these feelings. We want them to go away.
So again, that that's what mindfulness is helping us do. It's helping us get out of the cycles of feeling and thinking. It's helping us kind of take ourselves a little bit out of the situation.
It's helping keep ourselves safe in that boat and not drowning in the water.
And you're just becoming more aware of this process with mindful awareness as you go about this next week, being more aware of your autopilot. Here are some practices for you. And some of them are just little like sit in a different chair. If you find that you're always in the same chair at dinner or at your meeting or wherever, just change. Or after, you know, for where you watch tv, change where you sit. Take a different route home, take a different route to work, take a different route to the grocery store. Like, purposefully change that route. You can do things like make dinner at breakfast. These kinds of things also are really helpful for when you are changing your drinking. You know, if you always drink at the same time every day and you notice, like, you're in the same room, say it's the kitchen, then do what you can to, like, have dinner in a different room, or make dinner, like I said, at a different time, or sit in a different chair. You know, if you're always sitting on your couch watching Netflix and drinking your wine, do something. Go sit somewhere different so that can be really helpful for you. And then again, just bringing mindful awareness to your daily tasks, just catching yourself when you are on autopilot, just being like, oh, I was on autopilot there. Oh, I didn't notice that. So really focus on slowing down, having a mindfulness pause, really changing your habits.
I hope that this was helpful for you and I hope you learned something new. And I would, as always, love to hear from you. So feel free to send me an email debtippingpoint.com and I hope to see you in the next alcoholiday. Have a great day.
[00:25:38] Speaker A: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. Please share and review the show so you can help other people too. I want you to know I'm always here for you, so please reach out and talk to me on Instagram at alcoholtippingpoint and check out my website, alcoholtippingpoint.com for free resources and help. No matter where you are on your drinking journey, I want to encourage you to just keep practicing.
[00:26:03] Speaker B: Keep going.
[00:26:04] Speaker A: I promise you are not alone and you are worth it. Every day you practice not drinking is a day you can learn from. I hope you can use these tips we talked about for the rest of your week, and until then, talk to you next time.
