Unapologetically Alcohol Free with Jenni Harmon

[00:00:04] Speaker A: Welcome to the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. I'm your host, Deb Maisner. I'm a registered nurse, health coach, and alcohol free badass. I have found that there's more than one way to address drinking. If you've ever asked yourself if drinking is taking more than it's giving, or if you've found that you're drinking more than usual, you may have reached your own alcohol tipping point. The Alcohol Tipping Point is a podcast. [00:00:27] Speaker B: For you to find tips, tools and. [00:00:29] Speaker A: Thoughts to change your drinking. Whether you you're ready to quit forever or a week, this is the place for you. You are not stuck and you can change. [00:00:38] Speaker B: Let's get started. Welcome back to the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. Today on the show, I have Jenny Harmon. Jenny describes herself as an ordinary person, married, a mom of two boys with a wealth of diverse life experiences. She served in the military, spent a decade in corporate America, and dedicated many years as a stay at home. For the past seven years, Jenny has been teaching yoga and mindfulness workshops while also creating and selling art. In her early 40s, Jenny experienced a profound shift. Tired of sitting around and drinking, she realized that life was slipping by prompting her to make a significant change. This turning point, or tipping point, which she calls her midlife awakening, began with one single word that sparked a journey of self discovery. Okay, I'm excited to hear about that word because it's not in our description. Jenny started questioning every decision in her life, including her choice to drink alcohol. Now thriving in sobriety, Jenny has embraced the ups and downs of life and fully immersed herself in activities that bring her joy and fulfillment. Currently, Jenny is writing a book and hosts workshops designed to push participants to their edges. Thank you so much for coming on the show, Jenny. It's just, it's fun to have you in my groups and just to get to know you better and hear your story. I'm really grateful for you for sharing. [00:02:11] Speaker C: Thank you. I'm so grateful to be on this side of things because like I had mentioned before, I started listening to your podcast early on, probably in 2021. So it's been, you know, it's funny to be on this end, and it feels really good too. [00:02:29] Speaker B: Oh, I love that you're on this end. I've shared before that I. Before I started my podcast, there was one local guy who did a podcast in Boise, and it was for people who had quit drinking. And I told myself, when I'm sober, I want to be on that podcast. And so I just love hearing how you started. You started listening to it and now here you are on the other side. You've unraveled your drinking, your alcohol, like you've done it. And I just think it's such inspirational. It's so hopeful for other people to hear. Like, if you're listening to this, this could be you. This could be you in the future sharing your story. Yeah. [00:03:14] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:03:15] Speaker B: Well, where to begin? [00:03:20] Speaker C: Well, I guess I'll begin in the beginning because I. I mean, I think I was just like a lot of other kids in high school. I was just experimenting. So I didn't really drink that much, at least not that I remember anyhow. And then I. In college, colleges were kind of kicked up a little bit, you know, and I think that's, you know, that's usually what happens here in college. You go to the parties. I lived in New Jersey. I not far from Manhattan, so I was always going into Manhattan anyhow. But now I was drinking in my college days in Manhattan, and I think that picked it up. And the thing about that is I think I focused all of my time on partying. So I would go out partying, roll in at 6, 7 in the morning, and, you know, shower and go to class. So, needless to say, I was not doing well in my classes. But I didn't think there was anything of it. That's what we all did, you know. I just didn't feel like going to school. I was at a point where I didn't know what I wanted to be. I didn't know what I wanted to do. So I moved out of the dorms and spent my second semester at home. And I just. I couldn't stand it. I was failing again. I got into an argument with my mom. What are you going to do? What are you going to do with yourself? What are you going to do with your life? And it became overwhelming. And I kind of teased her and I just said, well, maybe I'll, you know, we were in this argument. Maybe I'll just join the Army. And she just said, fine. And I said, fine. And she said, maybe you should join the Navy. And I went, fine. And I decided. I was thinking about it. I was washing dishes at the moment. I remember washing the dishes and being like, that actually doesn't sound so bad. I could, like, delay this, figuring out what I need to do with the rest of my life. I can go into the Navy. They can train me, and I'll just do this. And plus, it'll be a reason why I failed all my classes this second semester. So if I can get out sooner Than later. Perfect. So that's what I did. I. I joined the military. [00:05:23] Speaker B: Wait, so no. No military background. Was your family? [00:05:28] Speaker C: My grandfather. But I had. I mean, it was not. It was not a thought in my mind. It just came out out of nowhere. It was just a threat. And, I mean, it really shocked and surprised me and. And I don't even know why I said the army. My grandfather was in the air force, so it didn't come from that. And so I began the process of signing up for the military. I remember doing all the testing, and my recruiter called, and he said, hey, you can be a gas turbine mechanic, and you don't leave until it was maybe seven months. And I called him back and I said, oh, no, no, no, no. We. I need to get out of here before the semester ends. And I know I. At that point, I did feel like I was partying too much. I didn't want that cycle of getting up, partying, and going to school every day. So I knew that, you know, looking back, I felt that. But my recruiter called, and he said, all right, you can leave in, I think it was five days, and you can go for air crew, and if you don't make air crew, they'll find something else for you. And I said, all right. So I left for the military. And, yeah, that was probably one of my best experiences was the military. And boot camp was, you know, boot camp was boot camp. But my. My training for to become part of an air crew lasted about two years. So in that time, I didn't really drink. It was intense training of air crew school, which required us to run, to swim a mile in full gear. I went through a lot of training where I learned how if I was in a helicopter, if the helicopter crash, it was like a simulated helicopter crash, and getting out of the helicopter while you're underwater with blackened goggles. It involved survival camp and survival school and then sear school, which involved being treated like a. Essentially a prisoner of war, which I don't even want to compare myself to an actual prisoner of war, where for a week you don't eat, you don't have. You have a little can to go to the bathroom in your little cell. And, you know, there's a little bit of torturing going on. So built up a lot of my mental strength, I would say. I went through all the training to become a technician on the planes and just to be a part of an air crew. So that was about two. And then I showed up on our first deployment, and that's where, that's where I really learned how to drink, if you will. That's where I really picked up the drinking. I was introduced to our squadron as, or I actually the first, my chief that I met, the guy that was taking me in and I had a train under him for a while, said, oh, congratulations, you're the first in flight. FEMALE TECHNICIAN So it was those moments, I mean, I remember it, LeClaire's day, just feeling like, wow, I've, I've got to prove something. And I think a lot of that, you know, I felt a lot like I had to keep up with, with the guys in the Navy because there was, you know, not many women at that time, not many female air crewmen in the military. And yeah, that, that's what got me in. But I didn't even notice how much I drank for a long time. So. [00:09:02] Speaker B: Yeah, because it sounds like you were part of the drinking culture, was part of this and you're just fitting in with everybody else and probably everyone else around you was drinking a lot too. [00:09:14] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, it was definitely a part of the culture. And when I met them, they were on deployments. That is the highest stressful time to be when you're in the military, when they're overseas. And my job, I didn't have a schedule, so I wouldn't know until the night what my schedule was. The next day I would have a 12 hour warning of when I had a fly. So, you know, some days my days were during the day, sometimes I was flying all night long. And so, you know, it was up and down when I wasn't flying, I was part of the ground crew fixing the planes. So it was just long hours. And that's how we coped, we, with the stress. We drank when we got home from work, when, as soon as we would land from flying, you know, 11 hour flights, 18 hour days, we would land and you know, the crew would get together and drink and I mean, we would celebrate over, over the hump, the middle of our deployment as a big drinking party. And I didn't even notice this culture. Like I really, this was just the way things were. So for a very long time I didn't even notice that I might have had a problem with drinking. Like it, it was kind of like, oh my gosh, you, you're going to only have one with dinner. This was like after the Navy, when I got out, oh my gosh, you're only going to have one drink. Like, who drinks one drink? You know, everything was always kind of like a binge or, you know, drink as much as you can. And then me being a female, trying to keep up with how much they drink, you know, it was looking back, it's just been so eye opening. It's been so eye opening. Yeah. [00:11:04] Speaker B: So you were in the Navy throughout your 20s for how long? [00:11:09] Speaker C: From when I was 19 until I was about 25. [00:11:13] Speaker B: Okay. So that it was like all normal. You. Everyone else is drinking, and then you get out of the Navy and then what, what, what is your drinking journey like from there? [00:11:25] Speaker C: So out of the Navy, I still drank, but I didn't realize how much. Again, it was just kind of like, you know, I didn't drink during the days. It was just at night I'd have a couple of beers. If we went out, I would drink. You know, I would binge drink. I think I would binge. I would always, you know, drink heavy when you're out. I looking, when I started looking back, I noticed that I would black out sometimes. I, you know, I could become a real jerk. You know, this all. Nor all these normal things that everybody that drinks does is kind of how I felt. We did go to school afterwards. I went to college in Seattle, so. Well, when you're in college, you drink, right? But I wasn't living there, so, you know, I didn't drink during the weeks that much. Maybe on the weekends it would pick up, but, I mean, that's what the college kids did. So we drank. I remember taking a class. So I took a class. This class was. It was amazing. It's called the History Biology Ecology of the Pacific Northwest. And it was. The whole class was three weeks of just camping. And most of us drank our butts off. So we literally just camped out in these places, learned about the areas, learned about science. And, you know, at night we would have a campfire. And what do you do by a campfire? You drink by a campfire. But I remember there were a few people that went and drank, and I just remember thinking, gosh, you're so boring. Like, so boring. But I would drink so much, like, just feeling hungover every morning. So after college, I. I ended up moving back to New Jersey. That's where I grew up. So I moved from Seattle back to New Jersey. And I, you know, I had maybe like the drink at night, maybe glass of wine. It wasn't much. But weekends, weekends was full force. You know, when I eventually met people, I started working at a corporation and. And once again, there's. There's a drinking culture in the corporate world also. So it was, hey, let's go meet up and have drinks after work. And there were moments when it would, you know, I would drink a lot. You know, we had a joke going like, yeah, let's go just for one. Like just one. And it, we knew it never was just one. But again, I didn't see any issue with it. I really didn't start to see, see an issue until 2015 is kind of when it came to the forefront. I had been working at the same corporation for 10 years and they were moving headquarters and they were moving from New Jersey to Georgia and that's how we ended up here. However, I was not invited to they. I got laid off. I was part of the 60% of the people that got laid off. My husband worked for the same corporation and he got invited to join. And I just went, I mean, I went straight down. I fell into a depression. The big thing was I had to work for six months in order to collect severance to collect the package. So I stayed with a company and I would go home at night. And we had, at that point we had 12 year, a 12 month old and a two and a half year old. So I would get home. I didn't want, I just wanted to get a quick, quick buzz. So I would take a shot or two of bourbon and that is how I would wind down for being so upset at work and then take care of the kids and then I would have drinks. After we moved to Georgia and that cycle started, I became a stay at home mom. And the mommy wine culture just kept telling me, hey, this is stressful, I get it. And I just, I just drank. It became a daily ritual of drinking every night. It was probably the hardest time of my life. Again, I didn't even notice that there was a problem though, because in the military we drank every single day. We drank, you know, is what we did. It was the culture. So it didn't even really dawn on me. I just, that's when I started to feel like I'm not a good mom. I started to feel shameless. I, you know, I felt really down on myself because I was laid off. So I felt like I was stupid. Why, you know, how could I get laid off? What's wrong with me? And I started noticing that I was looking at, you know, the clock at 3:00, like, I gotta wait a little bit longer. I gotta wait, I gotta wait. And I found myself on the yoga mat for the first time in years. And that's when I started after practicing a little bit, that's when I Started to hear my voice a bit more. So hearing, you know, just that voice saying, you're drinking too much, or noticing that I'm wondering if I smell like alcohol or, you know, in these sweaty, hot yoga classes, if I'm just like, you know, evaporating alcohol, worrying about that. And. And so I don't even remember if I cut back much. I remember doing some cleanses, you know, some yo. Some food detoxes that included alcohol was kind of like my way around it. But I decided to be a yoga teacher. And so then my focus became more on the yoga teacher training. And it was great. Like, I felt good. And I was mainly drinking bourbon. And I found that when I drank bourbon in the mornings, I wouldn't feel hungover because I just stuck to one thing. So again, I was just in the cycle of having drinks at night, waking up, teaching lots of yoga, practicing lots of yoga. I felt like I was healthy in all other areas of my life. So again, I wasn't looking at it as it being a problem. I was doing all the things. I'm a yoga teacher now. I'm, you know, healthy in the mind and trying to teach that. And yeah, and then I ended up having the. Or not having. I was invited to teach at the Dirty South Yoga Festival, which is a popular festival here outside of Atlanta. And I. I had to drag my kids with me to the photo shoot. And I remember pulling up to this warehouse. It was in the middle of nowhere. And I remember just pulling up thinking, like, what is this warehouse? This is so bizarre. There's nothing around here. And I pull in and I see all the other yoga teachers out there, and there's these murals, these beautiful murals. And there's a place called the Bakery, and it's like a co op for artists. So on the outside, on the one building, there was just lots of murals. There was a piano out there. And I got out of the car and like, I just felt like such an imposter. I felt like I wasn't a yoga teacher. How could I be teaching yoga? How did I. How did I end up here, going to be teaching at a festival when I can't even control my drinking? I'm drinking every night. I felt like my face was puffy, my clothes were tight. I felt gurgly in the belly. And then I walked through the bakery where all the artists had all their art and just these amazing sculptures. And, you know, just like when you walk into somebody's, like, these are all my cool little things I've collected. But it was all artists and all their stuff. And it was just. It just hit me like, I am not doing things that I want to do with my life. I've always wanted to paint. I feel like an imposter, and I drink too much. And that was. That was the tipping point right there. That was the, I'm sick of this. I'm done. Like, I don't like this. [00:19:15] Speaker B: Yeah, Yeah. I think, you know, as we're pausing in your story and we'll get to how you unwound it. But what stands out to me so much is, like, these. The different, like, circumstances, the different cultures you were part of and that were part of just the college drinking culture, the Navy military drinking culture, the mommy wine culture, you know, just like, it's so in the soup, and we just get stuck in it because we want to fit in with everybody. Right. And then you transition to this yoga, more creative side, you know, where you're wanting to express yourself with painting and whatnot. I feel like there is. There have been a lot of people who have gone into yoga, mindfulness that have struggled with drinking almost even more. I don't know if it's because of kind of what you said, where you were like, I'm not living in, you know, you didn't say this, but I'm alluding to it, like, where you're not living in alignment with your values, where you're like, oh, maybe you can speak to that. Like, the struggle with being a yoga teacher, that being kind of part of your life. And then the drinking. And then I'm curious if the wine got mixed up with yoga as it kind of has been trying to make its way into. Remember they used to do all these yoga and wine events and women wellness. [00:20:48] Speaker C: Yeah, I used to host a lot of them. Oh, yeah. [00:20:51] Speaker B: Okay. [00:20:52] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. So, I mean, I loved hosting. I remember just. Yeah, I mean, that was. I went to all those events even, you know, even with any fitness. Anything fitness. You know, you can run a 5K and there's beer at every mile now, too. But, you know. Yeah, it's a frustration of mine now when I see the wine and the alcohol involved with yoga. But I do think. I do see a lot of. I do think that there's some truth to that with yoga. I feel like it is such a way to hear what's going on in your mind, and it really works on body, mind, and, you know, your soul. So I think. I think that's what draws a lot of people that feel out of alignment or that might have Addiction or that might, you know, be suffering from something because it kind of works on all aspects of yourself. Did I answer your question? I don't know if I answered your question on that. [00:21:52] Speaker B: I don't even know if I had a question. It was just kind of an observation. I was thinking about, you know, there's a few people in my life who are very, I would call them yogis and, and they struggle with drinking. And it feels almost like an additional layer. I don't want to say shame, but like an additional pressure there that like, oh, here I am taking care of my body, listening to my body and this isn't. And then I'm feeding my body poison and yeah, it's that out of alignment kind of thing. [00:22:29] Speaker C: Yeah, I was definitely out of alignment that day. And, and it's interesting too though. Yoga also, I think helped me get out of. Or get me back into alignment. It was almost like this unraveling and then a re. Putting back together. Like, I, I feel like it's almost impossible to go on this journey without having some sort of. And I don't want to say just yoga, anything, mindfulness, where you're really tuned in to what's going on your body, what's going on your mind and, and being aware of it. And yoga is a good way to get to that. But there's other things. Not everybody likes yoga. I think not everybody gives it enough try, you know, give it enough time for it. And there's so many different types of yoga that you can get into and try that's heavier in breath work. And I can go down a whole path there, so I won't go there. But I think that everybody needs some sort of mindfulness practice to really help them through this. [00:23:30] Speaker B: Yeah, definitely. Because you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You don't have your easy numb out button anymore. Right. So you have to learn different skills to just be. To just sit with the feelings. [00:23:47] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. [00:23:49] Speaker B: So this, so was this in 2015. [00:23:52] Speaker C: Then when you were saying 2019. So all that time. Yeah, so all that time meeting up, I was practicing yoga, teaching, teaching yoga with wine, hot yoga, cold beer, you know, you name it. And I felt good about myself because I just felt good. My body felt good for the most part as far as I was doing something good for it. I was doing the yoga, I was working on myself. I. So at this. But at this. Oh no, no, I skipped some things. So yeah, 2019is where I'm at this point where I see the bakery where I'm Going to teach at this yoga festival. And I hear myself very strongly just feeling I felt kind of hungover. I think it came to me that I'm just, I'm done with drinking. I felt like an imposter. And at that point, that's when I decided I'm making a change. I felt really uncomfortable in that photo shoot. And I think I went home that day and I looked online. I was very reluctant to order a book on anything that dealt with, you know, so with the word sober in it or anything like that, but I did. I ordered Jack Canfield's book sobriety in the comfort of your own home. The. So I, I forget the name of it, but it was a 30 day challenge. And every day, you know, you read something, you learn something and you journal about it. And I love anything journaling. I've been journaling since I was 8, so I have loads of journals. I love it. And I did 30 days and I still have that journal. And it really opened my eyes to alcohol and how much I was drinking. And that was the first time that I went, huh, wow, I might drink a lot. And before the festival even came up, I want to say that was July of 2019. August was the festival. It was a weekend. And by the time I was there for the festival, I think I was on day three of this, of this journey of the alcohol free and took a workshop there. This is probably why workshops are very special to my heart. I took a workshop on letting go. It was a very intense yoga class. I remember we had to write down on a piece of paper what we want to get rid of, what we want to let go of. And I wrote two things. One was alcohol and the other thing was anything that's not me. Like I was. So I felt like I was just not like who was I anymore? I didn't even know who I was. And that was the start of just having my eyes open a little bit more. I got through that 30 days. I don't really even remember what happened after that. I know I was struggling because I had felt so good, but I was still drinking. I don't even remember if it was every night. But I see in my journals, when I go back and look at my journals, you know, I'd say, oh, I had some drinks tonight, I'm disappointed in myself or whatever it might be. And I read another book. I can't remember the name of the book, but it was a book by Gabby Bernstein or Bernstein, I can't remember how to pronounce her name. And one single word stuck out in that book, and it was the word unapologetic. And this was probably, probably about October. And every year on in January, I would pick a word or two and live by that word for a year. I've been doing it for years. And in my journals, I have seen the transformation of these words like finances or, you know, purpose. That was when I became the yoga teacher. So I've seen the transformation just by living by a word. And so I started kind of living. Living by unapologetic. Come January 2020, I. I was an acting yoga manager. I quit that. I was overextending myself, so I cut back classes. I was still kind of drinking, but I was starting to look at my whole life as, is this me? Like, are these clothes me? Is what I'm ordering at dinner me? And I would make the decision with the word unapologetic in my mind. It was that fist down on the table, be yourself and just accept it and own it. So I feel like my focus started to turn more towards the unapologetic while I still drank. So I was going through all these different things and just looking through my house like, is this piece of furniture even me? You know, hanging out with these people? Is this me? And that was how I lived. And then Covid hit and, you know, I don't have to say much about that, but for me, I was like, I got this. I, no problem. We're going to be stuck in the house for who knows how long. I've been on deployments. I was in the Navy. You guys have seen nothing. It was this mentality of, I've got this. It's all in our minds. It's what you do with your time. I know a lot of people didn't enjoy Covid, but we really enjoyed Covid because I was like, let's do this, let's do that. And. But at night, you know, I was right back at USS home, like, as if I'm on deployments and drinking and, you know, binge drinking, and that's what everybody's doing. And. And that. That really kicked up my drinking again, where I felt like I there. There were times there that I felt that I really felt it. And I think it was because I had. I had done that 30 day where I focused on learning about alcohol also. Like, you know, once you. Once you see something, you can unsee some things, and that's what had happened. So, you know, that extended for a long time. Sadly, you know, I look back and that's the Thing like, what took so long for me to, to start even going back to not drinking. And I know I was at a point where I was really looking for some help. I. Nobody knew, like, nobody knew what it was, how I drank. And we were Approaching Summer of 2021 and I, I kind of wanted to, like, I remember thinking like, does everybody drink like this? Is it just me? You know, is it, you know, am I not noticing? And I posted on Facebook, I said, hey guys, I'm thinking of doing a sober summer. Is anyone interested? And I got like over 150 comments of how crazy I am for not drinking for summer. So it made me feel like, ah, I'm not the only one. But now I had this challenge where I'm like, all right, challenge accepted. I'm going to do this. And so I did this over summer. I started a, an Instagram so that I could follow who I wanted to follow. I didn't tell anybody about it. And I started just posting about, you know, my experience and, and I read this naked mind. So I did the alcohol experimented or the alcohol experiment and I really focused on not drinking for three months. It ended up being six months because I felt so good, I had learned so much. And then it was our 10 year anniversary, my husband and I, and we went to Asheville and I said, sure, I'll have a, you know, I've got this under control, let me have a little bit of beer. And. And you know, it was amazing how like one sip or two could make me feel so buzzed. Like, I remember I needed like four shots to get that buzz and, and I ended up getting back gradually into drinking heavily again and. But it was so hard. There was such a, there was such a battle inside my head because I knew how bad it was for me at that point. At this point I still didn't like words like alcoholic or sober and I still don't really even like those words very much. I don't like any labels. But you know, it was, it was tough. It was really hard to be back to drinking and, and I almost feel like it came back full force. But at the same time I was living unapologetically. I had started painting, so I was painting, I started selling, painting paintings. The interesting thing is the times that I wasn't drinking, I was selling, I was painting. When I got back into drinking, I was like, I was still kind of painting, but I wasn't into like, it just took away a lot of, a lot of me. And so I kept hearing that voice over and over Again, like you're, you're back here, you're back here, you're back here. So here I am again hanging out. You know, I did, I did a little bit better with the drinking, but it was still bad. And I was sitting at a party and I said, I think I'm going to do a year of alcohol free. And again I'm testing with somebody like, see what they say and they're like, you should, you should do it. So I set out for a year of alcohol free. And this time I decided I was going to really do the work. And really, and what I mean by work is I, when I hear people say that, I'm like, what do you mean, what do you mean by do all this work? And it was really, it was really about still diving into being unapologetically me, but also understanding all of the whys. Like why do I drink? What's behind it, what's triggering me. I really wanted to give myself enough time to really, to also not think about when I can drink. I also couldn't say forever because if I say I'm done drinking, like that makes me want to drink more. So it was, you know, a year was long enough where I could really learn and understand myself and investigate and be curious and. And so I set out for that year. I was feeling pretty good. It was still, you know, a struggle. I learned a lot about myself and then we went on vacation, you know, and I ended up having, you know, one or two glasses of wine and I was very mindful about my choice. I felt good about it. It had been over seven months and so I decided I'm going to just do moderation. And I want to say in that year I maybe had drinks on 12 days if I was right. So it was, it was definitely a huge difference. And I kept that up. I kept moderation for about a year where I didn't really need to drink. I couldn't believe how many days went by where I wouldn't think about drinking. And I don't know, something happened where I started to get mad at society and how much everybody drinks. And I just started feeling this anger that how can I. Like I felt like the only person that was on this journey and I don't think I felt like I was getting enough support from people that knew I was doing this. Like, I thought everybody had this issue with drinking and nobody like, but nobody does. And I think I tried to self sabotage myself by inviting myself and my husband on my friends trip to Napa. So it had always Been something on my bucket list. And. And I. I'd love to romanticize about how, you know, people in their older age with their wine and Napa and Sonoma, and. And so I went to. We went away. This. You know, to. To Napa. And I have to say, so I didn't just show up and just drink a ton. I was very. Again, very present. And, like, do I want this? I sipped wine. It went up. You know, it knocked me on my butt because I wasn't used to drinking that much. But I remember looking around and just thinking, gosh, it's so beautiful here. It's so gorgeous. And the food that we were eating was amazing. Some of the vineyards that we went to had artwork, and, you know, they had just some cool things. So it wasn't even about the alcohol. It was about the. This gallery of art that was all around the place. And I just remember thinking, like, I don't need this. I don't. I don't need the alcohol. So I started questioning, well, what. What do vacations look like? I almost got inspired. You know, I was like, this is great. I feel inspired. I did great. I moderated. Even though we're in, you know, Wine Valley, and. And on the plane, I was just. I was just, I guess, thinking about all the things I want to do and what does vacation look like and, you know, what were all the places I want to see? And I got home, and it was like, every day, I found a reason to drink. Sure, I'll have a drink at the pool. Sure, I have a drink when we go out to eat. Sure, I'll drink. So I. I wasn't drinking nearly as much as I did. But all of a sudden, that battle started to come back, and I started questioning, should I have a second one, or let me just have some sips of my husband's. And then I found myself sitting on the couch. I think I was chugging a hard seltzer because I wasn't feeling that first buz enough. And I thought, oh, no, here's. Here's where I'm at, and I'm headed right back, and I'm not going there. And so I signed up for a dry January or dry July with Jen Hurst and the Lighthouse sobriety. And that was it. So I think I just celebrated 100 days not that long ago. Yeah, thank you. But it's. There is this mental shift, like something that. Like something switched. Something switched in me. And, yeah, I'm okay with saying forever, but I can't. I. Like, I won't say it too much because I don't want to bring any of that feeling. But it's. It's one of those things where I'm like, no, like, I'm happier and I feel good, and I'm going to just keep walking this way. Yeah. [00:38:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, you're done and you're okay with that? [00:38:30] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:38:30] Speaker B: I just. I love your story so much, and it's such a good reminder. It's a reminder for me also. Like, I'm. I love that you. You show up for yourself. You don't have to be perfect. Like, your journey hasn't been perfect. You know, how do you done that first 30 day after reading that book, and you were like, I'm done. [00:38:54] Speaker C: You know, you wouldn't be where you. [00:38:56] Speaker B: Are today with this shift. And I think all of the learning and growing and just even your journey into moderation, like, is. Is so helpful, and I think it's good for other people to hear because it's. It's a similar story. Most stories, it seems like you hit a typical rock bottom and then you're done and you're perfect. Like, that feels like it's a picture that's painted. And your story is just so much more accurate to how we really change, how we make these big behavior changes. And it's not. You know, I love. There's a graphic where it shows, like, how we think change should be. And it's like this perfect straight line. And then it's how change actually is. [00:39:42] Speaker C: Yeah, it's like all over the coin. [00:39:44] Speaker B: Right? And you're in the real squiggly line. And like you said, like, once you learn about alcohol, once the toothpaste is out of the tube, like, you just can't put it back in. [00:39:59] Speaker C: Right. [00:40:00] Speaker B: But that. And like, that has all served you so well. So I want to go hard. [00:40:07] Speaker C: It's really hard, though, when you're in it to be okay with it. Like, I remember just feeling like, oh. But now that I look back, I'm like, gosh, this is like, it was all meant to work out that way. It just makes me. I feel stronger that I've been through all of that because I get weary of those people that just stopped drinking. And it's been two years and they haven't looked back. And I'm like, or not, you know, maybe not two years, but it's almost like the willpower, everyday struggle where this feels different. Like, I. I've learned moderation. I did it for a while. I could see it coming back. And like, I I don't know, it was outside of myself almost. It's. [00:40:58] Speaker B: And I think you had to learn that. I feel like I had to learn that. I. When you were talking about like, oh, it was our 10 year anniversary. Oh, and then we had a vacation. [00:41:08] Speaker C: Oh, that. [00:41:08] Speaker B: I was like, oh, that was me. I know where this. I would always go back to drinking. There would always be some kind of social pull that brought me back into drinking. Then, then it is confusing because you can quote, unquote, successfully moderate for a while, like, oh, I'm doing this. [00:41:27] Speaker C: This isn't a big deal. [00:41:29] Speaker B: And then it gets to the point again where you're like, oh, shit, now I'm back into daily drinking and I'm drinking more and how did I get here? And then the frustration, I think, is what you were saying, like, because once you kind of know that you're done with drinking, but you're still on your squiggly line, it can be so frustrating. So frustrating. I see you being really kind to yourself and that word unapologetic. So is that the word when I. [00:42:02] Speaker C: Was doing your description unapologetically? So it's the one word that usually I change my word every year and this word has stuck for since 2019, October. And that, that's the basis of why I do everything. I don't want to be on my deathbed and look back and feel sorry. And that goes with anything. I mean, I'm not sure I. Unapologetic is really big with the alcohol. It took some time for me to see it, but it was like, it was like alcohol was always lingering there even though I was like, oh, let me look at my closet and look at all the clothes that are in here. That this isn't me. And the way I do my. This isn't me. And like, who I hang out with, this isn't me. But there was always like, alcohol is like, stop drinking, stop drinking. And. And I knew that sitting around and not. There were so many things I wasn't doing that I wanted to do, like paint. I wanted to paint. And I heard that. I mean, I would paint here and there and pull out some paints and paint. But when I ended up moving to Georgia, it was like I never painted. And I kept hearing this voice, like, paint, paint, paint. And thankfully, eventually, you know, the unapologetic, I stopped drinking. That's. That's what I started doing after I did that 30 day. The first 30 day. It was like I pulled out wood carvings. I. I like to carve wood too. Pulled out some wood carvings. And then, you know, my husband built me a table. And then, you know, it was like I started going towards the art and going towards that version of myself. And unapologetic was like, do you want to drink or do you want to. No, I. I need to go through this. I don't want to waste my time anymore. I'm in my 40s. I mean, that word is super powerful even. I was 43 years old during the pandemic. So 2020, we ended up when the park started opening up. We started going to a skate park, and my kids were learning how to skate and bringing their BMX bikes. And I was sitting there on the grass, and I love the skate park. I mean, the wheels on the pavement sound like the ocean. We have beautiful park with the open sky. I felt like I was at the beach. And we'd camp out there for seven, eight hours sometimes because there was not much to do, and I loved it. And there was this little voice in the back of my head like, you want to skate, don't you? And, you know, my. My kids one day were giggling on the way up to the skate park, and I thought maybe they had snuck candy in to the car or something, or they did something. I didn't know what was going on. But we got up to the park, and they pulled out my old motorcycle helmet and, like, this old skateboard from when I was in fifth grade, which I never rode on. I carried around acting like, you know, I was like, this tough kid, but never wrote it. And he said, mommy, please will you try skating? And that word came to my mind. Unapologetic. And it was like, you can either sit here and think about how much you want to skate and complain that you're 43 and you're too old, or you can just get out there and skate. And now that's a big thing that we do together. We all skate. The whole family skates. We wake board. And again, it goes in line with not just unapologetic, but with not drinking, because a lot of these places, you don't eat alcohol. And I think I really leaned into some of these things because they're, you know, you're not sitting up at the skate park drinking. It was like, look at us. We can hang out as a family, and I can come here when I want to on my own, too, and skate, and I don't need alcohol here. There's a community here, and I mean it. I could go on about all of that. Just a separate podcast, how much I Learned at the skate park. But so, like, really it's like, unapologetic as is. Like now for alcohol free or however you want to think of it in your mind. And. Yeah. So it's just been so pivotal in my life. That word. [00:45:56] Speaker B: I love it because even when you were talking about, like, is this really what I want to eat? Is this really what I want to wear? Is this really what I want to do? Like, and it reminds me of how we kind of make ourselves small for others, and we are doing so much for others, and then we lose touch of, like, our true, authentic self. [00:46:16] Speaker C: Yeah. And even alcohol, like, I mean, it's opened my eyes even to the media and, you know, the underlying message or the subliminal messages that are out there with drinking and the ads that are out there and, you know, all of it, it's just like, you can't fool me. That's not me talking. That's, you know, big alcohol talking. You just want me to drink or you just want me to buy this because you want me to feel this way? So I've kind of unpacked all that with that word. [00:46:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:46:50] Speaker C: And I. And I couldn't do it with alcohol, though. You know, I just don't think our minds are 100%, if we have alcohol in our system at all. I mean, it just. It's just impossible. It really is. [00:47:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. And when you were talking about how, like, you kind of go through this mad phase, this anger phase, I think that is important too, because for so long we've been told, like, if you can't handle your alcohol, you have a problem. There's something broken with you. And it's like, this is a highly addictive substance. Anyone can become addicted to alcohol. We can take anyone, put it in a room and give them enough alcohol, they will become addicted. It's just some people reach that ceiling sooner than others because of circumstances when they started drinking. Maybe they have a family history, maybe, you know, maybe they have some genetic. Just all this stuff, but it's just like. Just to take the stigma out of it. [00:47:57] Speaker C: Yeah. I remember one of my yoga teachers, I was going through a yoga teacher training. I like to. I like. I like trainings and just learning. And I was telling her how I think I had reached maybe three or six months. I can't remember what it was of not drinking. She said, that's wonderful. And we talked a little bit about it, and I said, yeah, I'm a gray area drinker. And she said to me, well, she's like, Gray area drinker, but it's really black and white. And I remember being like, but I wasn't, I wasn't. No, I wasn't drinking all day every day. I didn't have to wake up and drink to get it over with. I just drank at night and I was fine in the morning. And, and. But now looking back, I, I do see that there is a black and white. You. You either can have the one and that's it. And like, you don't think about alcohol at all, or it's the other. It's harder to stop. You can't do three months. You can't do a sober summer because, oh my gosh, there's no way. Like, you're crazy. So that, that stuck with me. I remember thinking how, okay, you know, there, there's gray area drinkers. No, they're really. You either could care less if you had to do a sober summer, or it's like, oh my gosh, no way. [00:49:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. I still like to keep the nuance in there because even at some points in your moderation, it wasn't so occupying all your brain space. [00:49:31] Speaker A: No. [00:49:32] Speaker B: And then it gets to. Especially when you are in this stage here you are a hundred days. [00:49:38] Speaker C: Yay. [00:49:39] Speaker B: A hundred plus days, which is fantastic when you're in the, this beginning phase where I was just saying there were. [00:49:47] Speaker C: Moments in that moderation where I didn't think about it at all, where it didn't even phase me. And then it was almost like that little voice kept coming back. Just, I'll just have a little sip here. So I'll just have, you know, a little voice. It's all right. [00:50:03] Speaker B: Sneaky, sneaky. Well, what is your advice for people who, who are kind of in and out of this alcohol free journey where they're just like, they just keep going back and then they're like, okay, I'm done. Okay, maybe I'll drink. You know, like, what, what do you think is, has been helpful for you these last 100 days? What, what do you think you would say to someone or even say to yourself back then, like, hey, Jen, here's. Here's my hug, here's my bit of advice. [00:50:36] Speaker C: The first thing that comes to mind, and I wish I would have really took it more seriously early on. And that is a community, a sober community. I mean, I remember even sharing on my, on my Instagram, like, you don't need a sober community, just find a community. Like, you know, there's state community, there's yoga community, there's this community. And those Communities are very powerful. But when I joined the Lighthouse sobriety, it, I mean, I still. Now I'm like, I wish I would have done it sooner. And I had joined a year prior and I tried other ones, but I would log in, I would kind of lurk a little bit. I wouldn't even listen and I would get off right away. It was almost like, oh, I don't want to be in this group of people with all these problems. And it, it turned me off. But when I joined, when I joined. Dry or January? Dry. No, dry July, I knew I wasn't going to have an issue with not drinking, at least for July. Like, I, I knew it was going to be a challenge, like getting back on the tracks. You know, there's going to be some challenges. But I knew that I'd made that decision. Like, I knew something had shifted. So my whole goal was to participate and the participating in the community and with somebody else that has been in a similar journey is so powerful because you start to hear all the different stories and then all the different tools that they're using. You know, it's kind of like a reminder. You start to be able to see yourself and become more honest with yourself because you see the vulnerability in other people. And I can't say enough about the community. I just, I'm blown away and I don't regret anything because, I mean, I really had to go through this. Everybody, we all have our own path that we're going on and it's going to all look different. But I can honestly say I have 35 women that I could reach out to at any given moment and just say and like vent or share what's going on. And not just drinking related, but we're moms, you know, we deal with things, with work, I mean, all the whole gamut of things. And I know I don't have to drink over it. And they've got my backs, they got my back on it. So community is a big, Is like big. Like get on a community, get into a community, find something that you resonate with, they all focus on different things. I would say that's number one. And then be yourself, find who you are. So whatever word, whether it's unapologetic, whether it's intentional, whether it's whatever word resonates, it's just, I think that's a big part of it. We lose ourselves and we need to kind of align and figure out who we are. Like, what are our dreams. Find something that you can focus on. What are all the things You've always wanted to do or try, you know, that can kind of replace some of that time. The podcast, listen to the podcast, read the quitlet, do anything you can just to keep the information coming and support, supporting you exercise. I mean movement, I have learned can, you know, it can change your energy and shift your energy like, like this. If you just get out and walk. I could probably go on and on and on. And I think the, this is where community comes in. It's like you join these meetings, you talk, you see what's going on, you see how people are coping and you go, oh my gosh, I didn't think that next time I'm having a craving I'm going to do this. Or I don't know, it just, it something shifts. I could, I think I wrote some things down because I know there's so much we can be doing. Being honest with yourself, that's, that's a big one. Trying to understand the whys. Why did you drink? What are you trying to fulfill? Like what, what's missing, what you need. And it's always playing it forward. Like that's it's so hard, but really it's so simple. But it's so hard. You don't just keep walking towards it, just keep walking towards it. You're going to stumble, you're going to fall down. It's that quick. Get back up. Let's learn from this. Let's go. [00:55:03] Speaker B: Yeah, those are all really helpful. The community and the learning from others. Seeing yourself in others is so, so powerful. That's why I think even listening to these podcasts you mentioned, like hearing stories, reading about it, educating yourself and focusing on the journey. The star. I love the star. There, there's like this Bernay Brown quote. It's more about values, but it is like your, your values or your life. Your journey is always a destination. It's like walking towards a star but you never really get there. But you're still on the way, you're still on this journey. Even when you have slip ups and whatnot, you don't have to go back to the start. I love all of that. I love the unapologetically you and just figuring out like what do you like to do? Being authentic, being yourself. How are you going to spend your time revisiting the whys, playing the tape forward, like such great reminders for people on this journey. Well, what do you see for your future? [00:56:11] Speaker C: I'm writing, I'm writing a book now. I'm working with Stephanie Wilder. She wrote the book Drunken and also I remember reading this book way back in the day, something with how alcohol can't be in the sippy cups. I can't remember the name of the book. Do you know what I'm talking about? [00:56:26] Speaker B: I think it was Chardonnay is not for sippy cups. Yes. [00:56:31] Speaker C: So she came out with Drunkish and I just decided to work with a group with her. So I'm working on that. It's really about midlife awakening, which alcohol is a huge part of it. And just, you know, just my life is opening up. You know, my life is blooming right now. So writing the book, I did take a couple of courses on sober coaching and coaching. So I love doing the workshops and you know, I've, I've never been really down to pursuing one career. So I'm still just, you know, on the pursuit of helping others and inspiring others to be themselves and whatever comes up along the way, just going after that really well. [00:57:18] Speaker B: I think that's wonderful. I'm so glad we connected. I love having you in the Alcohol Tipping Point, helping out in there. Jen's going to give a workshop for one of my groups. So thank you. And how can people find you? [00:57:31] Speaker C: Oh, right now my website is under construction because I'm, I'm slowly combining my alcohol free with my, you know, the people that didn't know me as alcohol free. So it's, I'm putting it out there. Jenny harmon.com. that's Jenny with an I and then Instagram. It's unapologetic, Underscore, af underscore living. And that's, that's where I focus mainly on. That's where I started, you know, with my sober summers all, all the way down on the bottom of that and, and then, and yeah, so that's my, my main alcohol one and there's a link to get to like my everyday. So all the craziness with parenting and skateboarding and wakeboarding and art and all that stuff, it's on the other one. So thank you so much. Deb. Like it it again, it's just so surreal after being the one that was like clutched to your podcast so, you know, in the beginning and it's just really nice now and you're a big part of that. So thank you. [00:58:35] Speaker B: Oh, thank you. I'm so, so proud of you. So glad to hear your story and get to know you more. Thank you. [00:58:44] Speaker A: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. [00:58:49] Speaker B: Please share and review the show so. [00:58:51] Speaker A: You can help other people too. I want you to know I'm always here for you. So please reach out and talk to me on Instagram Alcohol Tipping Point and check out my website, alcoholtippingpoint.com for free resources and help. No matter where you are on your drinking journey, I want to encourage you to just keep practicing. Keep going. I promise you are not alone and. [00:59:12] Speaker B: You are worth it. [00:59:14] Speaker A: Every day you pract practice not drinking is a day you can learn from. I hope you can use these tips we talked about for the rest of your week and until then, talk to you next time.