Talking with Your Kids about Drinking: My daughter is on the show

Alice Pod Welcome back to the alcohol tipping point podcast. I am your host, Debbie Masner. Registered nurse health coach and alcohol free Bad-ass and mom. Today on the show. I have my daughter, Alice. I am the mom of two daughters. One is 12 years old. Her name is Alice and my other daughter is 15. Her name is Mirabelle and Alice is on the show just to share. What her experience was like having a mom who struggled with drinking, struggled with quitting drinking, and then now having sober mom. And so I just think it's important to. If your parent. If you have kids, if you're a daughter, if you're a son just to talk to your family about your drinking. And in a very honest and transparent way. And to hear what they have to say and what their experience was. Like. I know that I have a lot of guilt and regret about my years drinking. I mean, I quit when they were 10 and 13. And I probably spent the majority of their like grade school years, a lot of their toddler years. Just drinking and numbing out and checking out at night. Um, I know that I need to own that. And be responsible for the choices I made. , but I can also now own my recovery and having made changes in my life. And I think it's important for your kids to see that you're not perfect. No parent is perfect. And I think it's really valuable for them to see that. You can change. And that. Change is possible and recovery is possible. And that. We are real people who struggle with problems, you know, whether it's drinking too much or maybe it's another problem you have in your life. And you struggle with it. And so our children need to see that they need to see that. The world isn't perfect. It's not all rainbows and unicorns. That life is tough. Life is hard, but so are we. And we can do hard things. So that is why I invited Alice to be on my show and just share her experience. And what it was like for her. Um, I really. Found this to be special, and I hope that you find value of it too. And it encourages you to have a conversation with your own. Uh, family members. Right. Thank you for listening. And here is the show. mom: This is Alice. She is my daughter. She's 12. Turning 13 here in a month. Welcome to the show. Alice, thanks for coming on and just kind of sharing what your experience was like with having a mom who drank and then having a mom who tried to quit for years, and then now having a sober mom. So you're, you are 12 now. And I quit drinking January 1st, 2020, like for good. So that's been a couple of years for you. That's hard to believe you were only 10. But I would say probably from the time you were five to 10 for five years, I was on and off trying to quit. Hi. Yeah. alice: Do you remember? I remember when you are trying to quit. But since I was fine. Yeah, mom: I would say you were in kindergarten. alice: I thought you just. Darn it in fifth grade. mom: That's when I got more serious about it. alice: You were trying to clear all the way back then. mom: I have been trying to quit for years. I did not know that. Yeah. Yeah, well, what are you. You remember? What do you remember about me drinking? alice: I remember. Yeah. To make leered feed. Combinations. In the middle of the night. I mean, drop me on your toe one time. Frozen me. Were you sober? I don't mom: know, but yes. So I would. Not eat dinner. Nope. alice: She didn't eat. I wouldn't mom: eat dinner because I would drink. And then I would get really hungry at night and make. Disgusting combination alice: of food. We're so gross. Dies judge her. Yeah. mom: Yeah. alice: Yeah. It was like, Not chest, but she'd fry them. And pans. It's like. Weird count stuff. That was weird. mom: Yeah, I always had. Had a craving. For carbs and food. I wouldn't normally eat. And. Pretty much not eat most of the day drink and then have some kind of heavy carb. Fat. Meal at night, if you want to call it a meal. Yeah. Yeah. What else do you. Remember. alice: Yeah. You had. Like bad, annoying friends. Like. That one lady, if you now, you now from the Superbowl party. mom: Oh, yeah. So I was more likely to like have friends over or be with friends and like alice: heavy drinker friends. You were friends with them. You'd hang out with them more. Mike. mom: Yeah. So. So, what do you remember when I was first starting to drink and how concerned you are? Yes. Can you talk a little bit alice: about that? I would like. There did a store with her and she. She'd get, I go bottle a wine out in the cart. And I start yelling at her in the middle of this star that it was gonna kill her. And I'd start crying whenever she drank. And me and my friend, Lou. That I've known for like my entire life. Would always like schemes stuff to make you not drink. Oh, what are you mean? Like, we would look up stuff that like, To say, like stop drinking and alcohol facts and stuff. mom: Yeah, I remember you were scared. Yeah. And I think maybe because you were saying. You know, within the last few years, you've probably were in like third, fourth grade when I was getting more serious about it. And fifth grade. And that's when you started to learn about it in school, too. alice: I didn't really know what. You were like when you were drunk before you started in weeks without alcohol. Like I led like, Before you started getting serious about being sober. It was just normal to me. But then when you'd got like a week or a month without drinking and then go back to drinking, I would notice like drastic changes. Oh, that's a good point. That's what I would like. That's kinda what made me realize and like, Turn and tail at all. Graham. mom: Gremlin. So when I was drinking or you were the gremlin. alice: Yeah. Like, I didn't realize that it was bad and tele, like you were better without it. And then he drank again. mom: Oh, Oh, yeah. Well, what kinds of things did you notice? With it versus without it. alice: Well, like one year, like word drinking. You were like loose and tired and just like. Careless, but then when you weren't drinking. You like. Kind of More on like, Like work and life and stuff, and like, Like cleaning and cooking, but when you were drunk, you would just like, LAN the couch. And like he had like get mad or like laugh at things. And that was weird. mom: Yeah. And then you got to where you were. Liking sober mom, better than alice: drunk. I didn't like drunk. Come on. That. All. I didn't like how you did weeks. And I like being mad. Cause at the end of the week, you'd always get a bottle of wine to like, Celebrate a week sober. mom: Yeah. I remember at one point because you were so invested in it and. That kind of broke my heart a little bit because you, you were just really like on me about it. I was, and I would say. I'm, this is my treat. I'm going to have wine tonight. Cause I went a week without it like, like kind of comparing to you having candy or something like that. alice: And remember, I would say I have to get 21 years without alcohol and you only had to go a week. So why are you making such a big deal? Ari awardee. Gardena week, let's say stuff like that a mom: lot. Yeah. Yeah. In a way you do you think you're like, what is the big deal? Why can't you go. alice: I didn't get why it was so hard for you to go. Like longer than a week. With that. Alcohol. mom: And then I remember at one point I had to tell you. I felt like I had to take. The responsibility away from you. Cause I feel like you carried a lot of the responsibility and just tell you like, This is my thing. I'm working on this. You don't need to. Manage it for me, this is what I'm working on. Like, I, I didn't want you to. Be so stressed about it. alice: Yeah. I guess I felt like you were going to like go down that wrong path. Like. mom: Yeah. Like we, we do, we have a family member who has. Really struggled with drugs and alcohol and. Yeah, I bet it was scary. alice: I was. Scary. Cause I feel like you drank more. Like kind of like after you started becoming sober or like, as you may warded yourself, you a drink like a lot. mom: I did. You're right. Like I would feel like, okay, this is going to be the last time. I better just go all in. Yeah. And, and then I would. Be like in bed all day. Day two. You remember that? alice: Kind of. mom: And, and so. How else do you think it affected you? alice: I don't know. I think that kinda like. Made me realize like, How other people like experience their parents been drinkers. And stuff like. One of my gov. Virta people's like friend's house and they're like, mom or dad had a glass or one 90 kind of can feel. Cause I felt more and more that you didn't drink after you became sober. But I kind of forgot. Like what it felt like to have the, like a drinking mom. mom: Okay. So you alice: mean now? Yeah. Like, I don't remember what it was really like to have a mom that tracked. mom: And, and now you see you go over to your friend's house and their parents are drinking. And alice: that. Their parents are like getting drunk and like, The like my friends, like, are like, yeah, that happens a lot. And I'm like, Are you not worried or like, mom: Yeah. And what do they say? What are your friends say about their parents? alice: Some of my friends. Don't like when their parents streak and then the. Like a feed on my other. Their friends or dislike. Yeah, well, I mean, my mom just has like a glass or two at dinner, so. It's fine. But I'm like, I don't know. mom: It must be kind of weird. Now that you now you're in junior high and people are going to start experimenting. And here you have parents say in like no drinking, drinking is bad for you. Like you've been getting that message in school and health class for a long time. But now. You're you're seeing more people just do do it in general. What, what do you think? Like, what are your views on drinking and alice: alcohol? I mean, Mike. That's like not good at like an age of minor. Well, of course it isn't, but like, I just feel like. You're kinda like if you're like going into drugs and alcohol at this young age, I feel like you're just kinda like. Giving up on the rest of your life. When you're young. Yeah. And like, Some of my like friends and people that I know Dell light. Drugs and stuff. And I just kinda think it's like, Embarrassing. That you feel. Feel the need to. Like. Like there's so many other ways till. Like get a lower your problems or like, Like talk to somebody, but you decide to miss use substance. mom: Do you think the people that you know, that are like experimenting with drugs or alcohol, are they doing it for fun or are they doing it? Like you said, To get over their problems. alice: Well, I have this one friend who does it because she has like problems, but then I had this other friend, he like. Did it because she wanted. Like other people to like mom: her. Okay. Yeah. alice: And she was really against it too. But she only did that because she wanted people to like her and know she liked. Once to like, start doing that. Like at first, she just like kept other people's vapes, but now she wants to like, get all of her. mom: Do you think you see more vapes? No. Is that the main thing people are doing? alice: Yeah. There's like. A lot of people did that. Some people it's kind of weird and that in seventh grade, some people are. Our every drinking alcohol. And like, Doing drugs and smart. Keene wheat. And like when they're 12, it's weird. Yeah. mom: Well, I hope we know you can always talk to me about it. alice: Yeah. mom: And number one, I want to keep you safe. And I think one of the biggest things we worry about with young people drinking. It is just like getting in cars with people who have been drinking and driving and being in unsafe situations with your friends or. You know, Unfortunately, even around. Boys or guides who can take advantage of girls when they've been drinking. So. On a positive note. What, what do you think of. Of your sober mom now. And I have to say, like I was, it was so sweet. You have been like my biggest cheerleader. And really always rooting for me. To be sober. And then I, I love that you changed the Netflix sign-in for me to sober bomb with a picture of Titus and drama, this. What do you think of, of sober mom? alice: She's a lot finer and like, I like. Did you still feel like I couldn't talk to you? It's Marnie, a drank. When I feel like I can cause you like. I don't know here. I'm more like. Child the back and. Your Instagram rails are kind of embarrassing. Yeah. What do mom: you think of alcohol tipping point? alice: Well, I liked how you started your own business from the bottom. And I think that's really cool. And I like your instinct around. But. Some of the Instagram real sorrow. Question or fall mom: cringy. Okay. I will take that for sure. Yes. That means I'm doing it right. mom: What advice do you have to kids who have parents who drink? Or have drinking problems. How about that? Who drink too much? alice: Probably. Do what I. I did guilt tripping your parents and 10 watt drinking. That was not the best decision. I could have made. But I would let them know how do you feel what they're drinking and how it affects you? And like, Your personal life. And how, like it affects your family. But don't make it seem like. They're a failure to your family. That's kind of what I did to my mom. As I kind of just threw her under a bus. And Mike. Mike made her feel bad about it. So I wouldn't make them feel bad about it. Bad. I thought about it, but I just let them know how it affects you. Yeah. mom: That's a great way of putting it. I mean, I didn't feel like you were throwing me under the bus. I did feel like I. I was living with a little cop. Sometimes. But I knew that it was always coming from a place of love and caring. I just didn't like how much it was affecting you and stressing you out that. That was not fair to you at all that you were taking on so much. , what would you say to a mom or dad? That's listening. And they're trying to change their drinking. alice: Hmm. The railway All at yourself at once And doubt. Like you had. I feel like you shut up Make it Dyke. The biggest thing that you're focusing on And tell you're ready to like Quit for real instead of like Take a break Like Dat, like throw it on to the whole hike family Like I'm trying to word the sun on my Serway. Just be honest i feel like dat. Act like You're like The most like Achieving person and the world because you've done a week without alcohol And tell you've done something that's actually like Where are they Like celebration because a week without alcohol is I feel like it's just mop Where they ever celebration. Stop rewarding yourself with alcohol For being against alcohol It's just like All the your progress has gone Yeah mom: it doesn't make sense that okay your goal was to not drink and now you're rewarding yourself by drinking Yeah And to be fair like Just i see what you're saying with the A week off not being a big deal and not to reward it with alcohol obviously But for a lot of people a week without drinking is a big deal if you've been drinking nightly Yeah But find other ways of rewarding alice: Also And a alcohol mom: Oh you recommend an a alice: and My mom daddy dad. Transitioning Out of like Alcohol Dan a beer and then to no alcohol or Yeah I also liked to drink the anti beer it was disgusting but I felt mom: Pretty well okay it's not like you were drinking a whole bottle. okay I mean I know can you believe people drink Having tasted it alice: I know mom: anything else you want to say alice: to me Hmm I'm pregnant Well hell no Dw Don't worry Okay mom: For reals though alice: Mm no Maybe turn it down on the Insta reels mom: Okay To be fair. Well i love you. you too I love all your support And alice: honesty Yeah, mom: thank you for coming alice: on the show.