Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the alcohol tipping point, podcast. I'm your host deb Maisner. I'm a registered nurse, health coach, and alcoholiday free badass. I have found that there's more than one way to address drinking. If you've ever asked yourself if drinking is taking more than it's giving or if you've found that you're drinking more than usual, you may have reached your own alcohol tipping point. The Alcohol Tipping Point is a podcast for you to find tips, tools, and thoughts to change your drinking. Whether you're ready to quit forever or a week, this is the place for you. You are not stuck and you can change. Let's get started.
Welcome back to the alcohol tipping point, Podcast. Today I have another return guest, and it's one of your favorites. It's sober. Grandma Lynn king. Lynn was last on the show in April of 2022. She was just approaching one year as far as her year of being alcohol free, and she came on the show just to share her journey. It was a really great, helpful episode, especially for people who think that it's too late to change your drinking. And Lynn has just really shown like it's never too late. And she has a mission to spread love, hope, and pixie dust so that her story and daily adventures in life may touch someone somewhere and spark a light in the darkness. And so I want to welcome you back, Lynn. I'm so excited to hear how your life has been since we last talked.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Thank you, Deb. I am delighted to be here and I really appreciate you inviting me back.
[00:01:43] Speaker A: I think it's so interesting. I feel like that first year that you are alcohol free is just part of the year, is just kind of finding your footing, and then part of it is just so much growth, so much personal growth. And then you're kind of settling into the second year, and lots of things can happen and great things and maybe not so great things and just life you recognize like, okay, I removed the alcohol, but now here's my life and what am I going to do with it? And you're getting used to this new normal. So can you just kind of update us about how you've been doing, what's been happening from year one to year two? And you're even past two years now, right?
[00:02:30] Speaker B: Right. Yeah, I just hit two and a half years this month.
Well, actually November, I guess it's December now, isn't it? But yeah, that's interesting that you asked that because I mentioned in our little pre interview that I normally make a lot of notes and I didn't make very many notes this time, but one of the notes that I made was year one for me was an extended pink cloud. I had been in a funk for so long.
My world was just so dark and I was so miserable and I was so lost there towards the end of my drinking career that once I got to the point where I was just fed up, an incident happened. But it all boiled down to I was just fed up with where I was.
I was pissed off at alcohol. I was like, okay, buddy, you're done. I don't want anything more to do with you ever again. And so that's when I started seeking help and reaching out, listening to podcasts, doing the Quitlet, and the light came back into my life.
And when that light comes back in for me, it was just I was reborn. I was just so energized and so happy. And you hear about the pink cloud, and my whole first year was just pink cloud.
I could taste food again. I could sleep again.
Before, like a couple of weeks before, I was looking in the mirror, and it's like, oh, my God, my skin is just sliding right off my face. Just how alcohol makes you so puffy.
And all of a sudden, it was like, oh, okay, I got my face back. It was just wonderful. So that was year one, just lady, DA DA DA, rose colored glasses, sunshine and rainbows. Year two was my year of self love. That's where, like you said that first year, you're getting your feet under yourself.
You're kind of figuring out, okay, what happened to me and now what's happening to me? And where am I going with this? And that's where I read really a lot of not just quitlic, but personal growth and development books. And I really got into breathing exercises. At that time, we were living in Florida, close to the beach. We were going to the beach twice a week and know, I sit there, watch the waves and meditate and journal, and I would take long bubble baths and listen to meditation podcast.
So it was all about self love, reclaiming, because there was so much shame to shed.
There was so much self forgiveness that had to happen, and that was hard.
It's still hard. It's like an onion multilayered, and you peel off a layer and, okay, I forgive myself. Oh, wait a minute. But now I can see this. So that was that self love and learning that you're okay, yes, you had developed toxic behaviors, and those had negative consequences, but those behaviors are not you.
And learning that and learning that, the alcoholiday fueled a lot of that, and removing that toxic behavior was the linchpin for everything else to start growing and developing. So that here, too, was a lot of learning about me, learning who I really am, learning about little Lynn, and that she had been hurting for a long, long time, and how to love her and how to make her feel safe and secure again.
And then going into year three, what I've realized is it's really a lot of self realization, digging deeper into, well, okay, I recognize and I acknowledge those toxic behaviors. Now, I didn't before. I didn't see them. I didn't know.
I'm not making excuses. I'm just saying in that alcoholiday funk, I just totally oblivious to a lot of what a lot of my behaviors, what I was saying and doing and treating family and close friends.
When I look back, I can't even believe that was me during that time, during the really dark times. And it wasn't me, actually. It was bad behavior, and it was a lot of things that fueled it. But going back and finding me and feeding the love and all the needs, that underlie I don't know if underlied is a word, all of that. So now with self realization, that brought up some rough times.
Once you start acknowledging that, oh, boy, you really did all this stuff, this is how you actually behave. And there were some consequences that were flowing from that that negatively affected me because it was people expressing how I had hurt them, how I had failed them. And I had mentioned that one of the things I wanted to talk about today is depression. But that was this past year, and that was kind of like the roosters or the chickens coming home to roost.
But that's all part of our journey, is we can't just say, oh, I've changed now everything's great. No, there are things that need to be addressed. There are things that need to be dealt with. There are amends that need to be made. And so this third year, I'm seeing as a year of living amends.
It took the first year of all the pink cloud and then the second year of all the self love to be able to get to the so it's not an easy thing. It's not a quick, just put down the bottle, I'm not going to drink it anymore, everything's fine. No, in my experience, it doesn't work like that.
[00:09:42] Speaker A: Thank you for sharing and being so honest and vulnerable. And you had shared on Instagram, where Lynn is often. So is it sober grandma road trip?
[00:09:55] Speaker B: The sober grandma road trip?
[00:09:57] Speaker A: The sober grandma road trip. But you had shared a really vulnerable post about depression and experiencing it two years later after giving up drinking and kind of being surprised by it, maybe. Can you just share what your experience with depression has been?
[00:10:19] Speaker B: Yes, I will. And that's one of the things I wanted to talk about. And I think it's really timely that we're talking about this right now, because the holiday season is everybody thinks, oh, this is the happiest time of the year. And there's a lot of people that feel that way, but there's a lot of people that this is the most miserable time of the year. And a lot of people at this time of year. I've had it. I can't take it anymore. I'm not going anymore. And I really want to hopefully give those people array of light and a little bit of hope and maybe enough courage to reach out and do something for themselves. So, yes, depression, it's something that looking back, all my life I struggled with depression. I just didn't really realize it. I just thought that's the way it was.
And one of the episodes I wanted to talk about, to kind of highlight looking back, was I lost my mom and my dad within nine months of each other. This was many years ago, but that just I just totally shut down for two years, looking back, I refused to celebrate Christmas.
I went to work, and I was an automaton. I just went through the motions. I didn't have any feelings. I don't even remember those two years, honestly.
And at the time, I didn't really realize. I thought, well, this is grief. This is normal. Everybody does this. Well, no, not really.
I would come home from work.
We'd probably have split a bottle of wine, my husband and I, for dinner. That was just normal, right? Everybody does that. And then I would just lay on the sofa for the rest of the evening, day after day after day. And that for two years. That was my life.
So that's depression. But I didn't really understand all of that this past year. What really with everything I've learned kind of helped me so much, and I hope it'll help other people is my husband and I had gone out to breakfast, and then we were the ferry at the farmers market is on Thursday afternoons here. So we were headed to the farmers market, and I got a call from a family member that we love each other dearly. And the call was, well, my son doesn't want to be around you anymore.
And I'm like, what?
Well, he remembers what you were like when you were drinking, and he remembers different things you did that hurt him. And he's told me that he just doesn't want to be around you anymore.
And I was stunned mentally, but we got out of the car and just physically, I like, collapsed. I mean, I didn't fall down. The ground collapsed, but there was a chair there, and I had to sit down. I was violently ill.
I thought I was going to throw up.
It's kind of like when you faint, everything just faded out. I was like, what's going on?
I told my husband I've got to go home.
So we came home, and I started into a behavior that has been with me as long as I can remember. I started ruminating. I started picking up that baseball bat and beating myself up over the things that had been said during this conversation. A lot of the things I don't even remember.
That's so sad. But I was a blackout drunk for a long time and no memory of these things, some of them, but beating myself up, and it started the spiral where I was living in my head.
I felt really heavy, like moving through Molasses was just foggy. And then I started thinking, okay, you've been here before. But you know what's different this time? This time you're recognizing it. This time you're seeing it. You're seeing that something happened that triggered which I'd never heard that word before, this autonomic response, this visceral bodily sensation response that then inflamed your brain to go off on this tangent of self destruction.
And it's like, okay, I see that. I see what I'm doing.
I can change that. I can deal with that. I've got tools now. I learned so much about how our thoughts are not ourselves.
That the shame. The way you deal with that is to bring it out into the open, not hide it. That the key to moving forward is connection. Don't withdraw, which is what I was doing. Don't hide.
Reach out for help. You know, there are people because our instagram, alcohol free community are the most beautiful people in the world. Reach out. Reach out and let them know you're hurting.
Reach out and do the things that you need to do to the self care that I needed to do to bring myself back into a place of OKness, I guess, is the word I'm looking for. And so that was a real awakening for me, deb is to know that, hey, I don't have to allow myself to spin off in this spiral and sink into despair. I can put the brakes on and say, no, there's another way, and I'm going to do it. I'm going to drink my four bottles of water a day. I'm going to do the deep breathing. Deep breathing helps me more, I think, than anything.
I'm going to eat properly. I'm going to get out and walk.
These all sound like, so what? But they're all things. That action, I guess, got me moving.
And I reached out to my therapist because after, let's see, we met for about a year, I guess. And then I was doing so well. She's like, okay. I said, I think I'm good. And she's like, okay. And when this happened, it was like, no, I'm not okay. And so we started meeting again. And so I just want to let people know that looking back for me, and I'm not an expert on anything. I'm just sharing my lived experience is that all my life I had done this thinking, well, that's just me. That's how things are.
I'm just miserable, and that's the way it's going to be. And I've learned that, no, I think there's a saying. I wrote it down. Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional. So I was choosing to suffer.
Yes, that was a painful phone call, no doubt about it. But I chose to suffer until I saw it. And that's the key thing, I think, is I want to let people know, really, if you can get to the point where you can see it, you can see how you are starting to spiral. And you can see that there are these clues, these physical sensations, these clues ahead of time because those came first. Those were automatic unconscious.
But all the thoughts, all the negative downward spiral that I was allowing myself and I was engaging in and I was perpetuating. So that's what I want to share is that I think a lot of us are prone to that. And I just, again, only know myself, that I just thought that was normal. I just thought that's the way it always had to be. I just thought there wasn't anything I can do about it. And I'm so happy to feel that, no, there are things that I can do about it.
[00:20:09] Speaker A: Thank you for sharing that your experience and just where it fell in your journey, your alcoholiday free journey too. Because like you said, year one, you were pink cloud. Everything was wonderful. Year two was self love.
And now entering into three, you get hit with some emotional, more emotional pain and the depression comes.
Did you feel like drinking when you were going through that just recently?
[00:20:41] Speaker B: No.
Yeah, well, I will say because another thing that I smoked pot for years, started in college, smoked for years. I wanted a joint so bad. Alcohol. No, because alcohol, I clearly saw how it was destroying my life and I wanted nothing more to but a joint would have been nice. At the time, that was my thinking.
I would really like a joint. But yeah.
[00:21:10] Speaker A: And I had mentioned to you I wanted to share a little bit about my experience with depression and drinking and whatnot just because I think it's helpful for people also I think helpful for people to know that removing alcohol, yes, will improve your life dramatically, but it's not going to solve everything. And so when I got diagnosed with depression postpartum, after I had my babies and I started and stopped my antidepressants, and then after I had my youngest, I just stayed on them, I'm on Lexapro. And so I decided year three well, I had celebrated year 3, January 1, this 2023, and I thought, you know what? It's been three years since I gave up alcohol. Maybe I don't need to be on antidepressants anymore. And so I safely weaned myself off. Let's just let people know like, you don't have to don't abruptly stop antidepressants. Anyway, I decided like, okay, I'm going to wean myself off of them. Actually, I started in December, weaning myself off. And so by February then I was done and I was off them.
And then fast forward to May, I just noticed I had some external things, big things, good things and just bigger things happen in my life. But in May I was like, I'm not happy.
I was shooting all over myself.
I should be happy.
At the time, I had quit my nursing job just to do ATP, and I had more time and I had supposedly created this life for myself that was wonderful. And I just thought I should be happy. I'm not happy. Sometimes I would drop my youngest off at school and come back and just lay in bed but still get up and do stuff. And I also started having more anxiety, and I'd never really had that before. And so I finally connected it. I'm like, okay, it's been three months you've been off your antidepressants.
Do you think it's that? And so I think where I get stuck and where I got stuck also with drinking was I could never trace it back to anything. Like, I didn't have a traumatic childhood. I didn't have horrible things happen to me. I grew up pretty in an ordinary family in Boise, Idaho.
I never could pinpoint any sort of, quote unquote, trauma. And so I never felt like I fit the mold to have a drinking problem or to have depression. Like, what do you have to be depressed about? Like, you're doing okay in life.
So, long story short, I went back on my antidepressants. I love them. I'm not going to fuck around with them again.
[00:24:35] Speaker B: Lesson learned.
[00:24:36] Speaker A: And I'm okay with that.
And just recognizing you can have a perfect life, a perfect childhood, a perfect marriage, not perfect because perfect doesn't really exist, but everything can line up in your life, and you can still have depression, you can still get anxiety, you can still have a drinking problem. It can happen to anyone.
And like you said, recognizing, okay, there are tools and there are ways to get help, and it's different for everybody, for me, antidepressants work for me. And so I'm glad that we shared our two experiences and especially being getting into long term sobriety and how it's not the cure all for everything, is it?
[00:25:33] Speaker B: No, it's not.
It's the start, though. I tell you what, until I got alcohol out of my life, none of the good things that have flowed since would have happened.
I'm convinced. I know that for a fact. But I love the message that we're sharing is that this can happen to anybody.
You know, it's I had a responsible job, no four adult children that are all successful in their lives.
Nobody would think that I would be an active addiction, but I was. I sure was. And it can happen to anybody. And coming to terms with it and coming out of it can happen to anybody as well.
[00:26:32] Speaker A: Well, I'm curious. You talked a lot about this being your year to make amends and overcoming shame and regret for past things. And that, to me, sounds like forgiveness. And so can you talk about ways that you're going to navigate that or ways you are navigating it?
[00:26:54] Speaker B: Yeah, there's a couple of things that I'm doing to change. One is seeing that I just had a pattern of any conversation, I would turn it towards me. Oh, yeah, I've got a similar story. DA DA DA DA.
And I would never have thought that that would be true.
Even the depression and being miserable is very self centered when you turn it around and look at it. So I'm really working on focusing on the other person and understanding where they're coming from, really listening to what they're saying and not putting my spin on it, not just accepting what is instead of shooting and things like that. And that I'm seeing really positive changes in close relationships because of that, because I'm present and I'm not making it all about me in some way that I'm working on. I don't like to use the term trying to, because I'm working on showing up for others in the ways that they can appreciate in the past would be like, well, I would like people to treat me like this, or I would prefer that, well, fine, but that doesn't have anything to do with them, what is meaningful to them.
I'm really working on that this year. That's my amends early on with close family members when I quit drinking and all that, had gone to each of them and apologized for things that I knew I had done that I was aware of and apologized for the things that I didn't know that I had done and was not aware of.
But I hadn't really changed my interactions, how I related to people. And so that's what I'm working on this year.
[00:29:34] Speaker A: How about dealing with shame?
[00:29:37] Speaker B: Yeah, shame. There's a saying about that, and it's so true that shame starts dissolving when you share your story in a safe space.
So being able in our alcohol free community to share some of the things that I've done and getting that, oh, yeah, I really yeah, me too.
And then also acceptance, deb, I think that has been a huge thing for me, is accepting what is, that now? This is the way it really is. Even though you want it to be this other way, even though you struggled to make it this other way. Even though you've tried to I was going to say influence, but manipulates, probably the true word, the situation. So it'll be this other way. No, accept what is. And Mel Robbins, I love her. Let them know that it's where, you know, if a group of your friends go out to lunch and they don't invite you, let them. If your husband forgot your anniversary, let them.
Instead of getting, oh, they should have done this, I should have done that. Well, it is what it is. Let them. And then you again, feed yourself, give yourself what you need and not expect other people to do that, because when you do all that shooting and things, then resentment comes into the picture and everything gets skewed. So be at peace with yourself.
Treat yourself like you want to be treated. Love yourself, give yourself what you need. And at first, that always sounds so self centered, but it's really, actually true. At the end of the day, the only one we're ever going to have with us is us.
I need to treat myself well. I need to give myself what I need. I need to be present for myself. And that's the other thing, is just being present when somebody starts talking, check out like, okay, well, they're talking now. Wait till my turn to talk. No, be present. Engage. And it's really delightful when you do that.
So, yeah, the shame was a toughie, and that was the second year. Really dealing with the shame and starting to let that go and the forgiveness.
And that just takes time and work. And I think everything goes back to awareness.
Nothing's going to change when you're not aware of it. Once you become aware, if you're genuine about being your best self, it being living to your full potential, then awareness is first and then action. Just thinking about it again, that being stuck in my head, that didn't get me anywhere. You have to get out for that walk. You have to drink those four bottles of water a day. You have to act.
Yeah, thank you.
[00:33:19] Speaker A: Thank you for sharing that. What are you doing now to just maintain your sobriety? Just continue being an alcohol free badass?
[00:33:30] Speaker B: I am living my life. That's the best thing I can say is I talk about daily adventures, and we do get to have a lot of wonderful adventures in retirement, and I love that. But even just staying at home, daily adventures. Oh, what birds did I see today? What's the neighbor up to? Just what are you having for dinner? And enjoying it. Just enjoying the moment, enjoying the little things. Gratitude.
Gratitude has been a huge part of my journey. Early on, every day in my phone and the notes before I went to sleep, I would just ungrateful for whatever I can think of. And now on Instagram, I do my ABCs every day. Today was w day. So maintaining childlike wonder, just different things. So that's a practice. That's a practice. And that's one of the things I wanted to mention, too, is just consistently little things that you can incorporate into your life that bring you joy, that gratitude. Practice brings me joy. Looking at life as a daily adventure brings me joy. And they're just little things don't cost anything, but it's mindset. It's the way we look at things and think about things.
[00:34:59] Speaker A: The joy and gratitude and wonder. I love wonder.
But is there anything you do? Because that first year is so intense and you were doing the path and daily meetings, and so are you part of a group or community? Because people always ask this, especially when they're in it. They ask like, am I going to constantly be talking about drinking? Am I going to constantly be reading quit lit or listening to podcasts?
I feel like there needs to be some kind of tether to being alcoholiday free. And so what are your thoughts about that?
[00:35:43] Speaker B: No, I agree. Deb and again, the Instagram alcohol free community just have some of the best friends in the world that I've not met. A few of them I have met face to face in person, but most of them know and just checking in every day, I find, like when I was traveling sometimes I didn't have Internet and stuff. I really miss it. So that connection with that community that is so loving and caring and we watch out for each other and share things. And when I didn't have Internet at different time, people would reach out. Are you okay?
Because I'm there every day. Right.
So when I'm not, that made me feel wonderful that people noticed and they cared and they reached out to me. So yeah, definitely. I think a tether is good. I was going to say that you have to have I don't know that you have to have not going to make any absolutes, but that's good to have that tether, that community that you know is there for you and cares about you and is watching out for you and misses you when you're not there.
[00:36:58] Speaker A: Yeah. So for you, the Instagram sober community is your absolutely.
And just a reminder for people who are like, oh, I don't do social media or whatnot instagram, you could make your own little sober, quote unquote, sober account. You don't have to use your real name, and then you can just put in like hashtag sober or alcohol free and just follow all these different accounts and maintain your anonymity if you want. Or you can be out loud and proud, but it is one of the good little pockets of the social media world, I think, a very positive pocket.
[00:37:45] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree. Because you hear so much negative about social media, and I'm sure that's true, but that's not been my experience in the alcohol free space. I've had nothing but positive experiences there and seen nothing but positive experiences there. Yeah. It's a brotherhood, a sisterhood.
Yeah.
[00:38:08] Speaker A: Community.
[00:38:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Community of people that get you. And that's one of the things I had shared early on, is my husband, we've been married 45 going on 46 years. Love him to pieces. I know he loves me to pieces, but he did not get me with being an active addiction. He was the, well, why don't you just moderate? Why don't you just drink one glass or two glasses of wine? I'm like, well, there's still that bottle over there to be empty. No, I don't think for me, it made me feel judged.
That didn't work real well. But coming into the Instagram community, everybody gets it, everybody gets you. And so I think that has a lot to do with releasing shame, is that, hey, here are all these other beautiful, wonderful people and they get you.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: I think. That knowing you're not alone is so comforting.
[00:39:21] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:39:23] Speaker A: Well, tell us about your adventure. So you were living in Florida when we last talked. You were retired. You were taking these fabulous road trips. And now where are you now?
[00:39:35] Speaker B: We're in Costa Rica. This is something that we visited Costa Rica for the first time 16 years ago for a conference, and my husband fell in love with it then. He wanted to move then, and I'm like, no, our youngest was still in high school, our parents were still alive. And it's just like, no, I'm not doing that. Well, we've been back other times since, and every time he brings it up and I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. But about, let's see, it should be about a year and a half ago now.
That's when the real estate market was at its top.
Inflation was starting to kick in, and he brought it up again, and this time he had kind of done some homework, and he came at it from a financial perspective.
It's like real estate is at the top of the market. We could sell our home here, buy a home and a car there, put money in savings, have money to travel.
It's a very safe, democratic country.
Well, actually, today is the anniversary. 75 years ago, they disbanded their army and reallocated the funds to education and health care. So they have a wonderful education and health care system here.
So he brought all of these things up, and it's like, well, okay, I'm listening.
Let's make a trip back down there and see. So we did a lot of homework about where, if we did move, where we'd want to live. And coming from Florida, where we live close to the beach, we thought we'd want to be on the beach or close to the beach, but what we found is, yes, the beach is great, but the beach is hot and humid year round here. And coming from Florida, where you live in your air conditioning for five months out of the year, I didn't want to live in air conditioning twelve months out of the year. So we found that if you get a little higher elevation in what they call the Central Valley, that the weather. They claim to have the most perfect weather in the world, and they're not too far off. It's 65 to 85 year round. They don't have seasons other than or we I'm going to have to start. We don't have seasons other than wet season and dry season. The wet season is June to November, and you get just torrential rains every afternoons, but most mornings are sunny. So you can get out and do your errands and do whatever you need to do, but be home by about 02:00 because, man, the bottom is going to drop out.
So doing the research and going, well, okay, this makes sense.
You know what? We're not getting any younger. My husband's 77 and I'm 70.
If we're serious, if we're going to do it, let's do it now.
There's not a later to look forward to. Let's do it now. So we thought, okay, let's test the water. Let's put our house on the market, put a really nice price tag on it. Our realtor was like, are you sure? Yeah. Well, it sold full price in three days. The buyer was a cash deal, wanted to be in in 30 days. So 30 days from well, 33 days from when we came back from our trip, we were out of our house. So it was like, oh, this is getting really real.
Thank goodness. We have a wonderful cousin up in the Panhandle who took us in and said, you can stay here till you get your feet under yourself, figure out what you're doing.
And we had met a Realtor when we were here, and she was looking for property for us. And she told us about a website that's kind of like Zillow in the States to look for. Real were both we were all looking for properties. And we saw this one property. It was listed as a countryside home with wonderful views, and it had these pictures. It focused on the wonderful views, right? And so I sent it to Gloria and I said, this is a long shot, but would you check this out for us? So she went, she came out to the property, she took pictures, videos, and she sent it back to us. And the videos are showing this beautiful view and the birds singing and the fruit orchards. I mean, we've got all kinds of fruit trees, and we're like, this is it. And she says, what do you mean, this is it? We want to make an offer without seeing it. Yeah, so that's what we did. And fortunately, part of our background was flipping houses, so we're pretty good at seeing the potential in a property, not just seeing it as it is, but seeing what it could be. And so we bought it. And that was a year ago, November, and we saw it for the first time live the day before we closed. And that is the one moment of second thoughts and doubts that we had, because the road out here, it's only four and a half kilometers long, so that's about 3 miles, and it takes 15 minutes to drive it because it's one of those zigzag up, down. It's asphalt, it's gravel, it's dirt, it's concrete, it's got potholes.
And we're like, oh, my God, what have we done? Where are we headed? But we got here and we got out of the car, and we looked at the view, and the birds are singing, and there's the fruit trees ripe with fruit, and it's like, yeah, this is it. And so we closed the next day. We moved in that same day. The Realtor is like, you're not going to rent while you're doing your rental? No. I mean, we're used to living in a construction zone because it had a good foundation, what we would call good bones. But it was a very basic tico tico, or what the natives call themselves countryside home. So it didn't have hot water.
It was all open air living, except for the bedroom. The kitchen was very basic. It just had a three burner gas cooktop and a refrigerator. That was it. So we spent the next three months renovating, and it has turned into our dream home. We pinch ourselves, oh, my gosh, we can't believe we're here. And the thing that we wanted to do is so many Gringo's North Americans, well, Europeans, too, but mostly Canadians and from the States come and they live in gated communities and stay kind of insulated in their own little Gringo environment. We didn't want that. We wanted to be in with the locals. And that's where we are. We're in a little town called Barwetta. Population maybe 100 people. We live next door to the primary school. There's 13 children in the whole school, kindergarten to grade six. They walk right by our house. We're the Gringo grandparents, and they're like, hola buena, and they invite us to all their functions. They accepted us as family right from the get go. Invited us to the school graduation, and right now we're coming up. There's a Latin American tradition for Christmas called Las posadas. Posadas means ends. And that's where the community meets at the Iglesia, the church for eight nights in a row.
They've selected from the children of Mary and Joseph every day for a different pair every night. And the rest of the children dress up as angels and shepherds and all of that. We have a procession through town singing carols, and then we stop at a host house and have a program about what Christmas is all about, jesus's, birth. And then there's a dinner. And so we'd only been here not even a month when we were invited. Know eight mean, we got to know everybody right off the, don't we? We're working on our Spanish, but we're still not real good at Spanish. And there's only one other family that well, that's not true, too, that have any English at all. Everybody else is totally Spanish, but thank goodness, there's Google Translate. There is an attenus. That's the closest town where you can go shopping. Barretta is just a farm community. There's cattle and coffee and citrus, but no shopping. So a tennis is like 20 minutes away, the 15 minutes road to get to the highway, and then five minutes to get to town. But there's a woman's group, an expat woman's group that meets every Thursday for breakfast. So I'll go to that. My husband goes and has his own breakfast wherever, and then we go to the ferry at the farmers market after. And so we have different routines. Our little neighbor girl, she'll be 14. Pretty soon. She comes over once a week and we practice English, Spanish together because she's learning English and we're just very happy here. Our kids have asked us, well, how do you feel about aging there? Because again, we're not getting any younger. And after this year, I have to say I feel really good about it because there's genuine care and love and the community for each other.
I feel like we'll be well watched after, hopefully we can age in place. But this past week we went with a friend of ours who her background was in gerontology to visit an assisted living facility close by. And it was gorgeous. It was wonderful. And let the kids know, okay, if the time comes, this is where I want to go.
It checked all the boxes, so yeah, I can't say enough good about it.
Well, I think being our age probably has a lot to do with it, too. I mean, I guess it could have gone either way, but we found that we're so glad that we took that leap of faith. We felt led here. We felt called here, honestly, and the way everything fell in place that it was just this is where we're meant to be.
But there's a lot of exploring to do. Costa Rica is known for all of its natural beauties. It's got like 13 different microclimates. I think our oldest has come to visit. He's the only one out of the four that's come to visit so far. And he had planned a wonderful ten day trip where we went up to Arnold Volcano and the hot springs, and then we went up to Monte Verde, which means Green Mountain. Actually, the Quakers settled that back in 1950s and dairy farming is their big thing there, but they have a lot of nature trails and that's where you'll see just the most amazing birds and critters and animals. And then we went over to the beach. We went to Playa del Coco and stayed right on the beach there. Our son's real big into scuba diving, so he did diving there. And then we went down to Montezuma, another beautiful there's. Just it's a wonderful place to visit and the people are so warm.
I'm sure that's not the experience for maybe everybody, but that's been our experience.
[00:52:01] Speaker A: Well, that's amazing. It's definitely on my bucket list to go to Costa Rica. Can you even imagine doing this move if you were still drinking? Would this even be happening?
[00:52:15] Speaker B: No, none of this would happen. You know what, Deb? If I was still drinking, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be still drinking because I wouldn't be here.
That was the road I was on at the know. Like I said, I got so pissed off at alcohol preceding that. For the past probably month, I've been saying things to my husband like, well, I won't be here much longer. Well, you're not going to have to worry about me and that anymore because I was just in so much pain. It's like it couldn't go on like that anymore. But at that time, I was withdrawn. I was isolated because of the shame and everything. I didn't want to be around people. Yeah, no, it was bleak. It was bad. My husband thought I had dementia because I was losing my words.
That was one of the things. I don't know if other people express this, but about three months in alcohol free, I got so excited one day because my words were coming back. I could actually oh, I felt like.
[00:53:23] Speaker A: I took a smart pill. I was like, I am smart for things.
[00:53:29] Speaker B: Isn't it something?
[00:53:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:53:32] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
[00:53:34] Speaker A: Well, I just think it's amazing. I really appreciate you coming back and filling us in on your life and just sharing all the ups and downs and just how transformative this experience has been for you and can be for other people, too, and absolutely not too old. You're never too old.
Do you have anything that you want to say before we wrap up?
[00:54:05] Speaker B: The only thing I'd say is today's the day. There's no reason if you question if you have a problem with alcohol or maybe alcohol is not serving you. Today's the day. Take action. Do something. Because as soon as you do, it's not going to be easy. And everybody's situation is different. I mean, I've learned for the young people, it's a real struggle because their whole social life is going out and drinking. Well, see, I was already retired at the time, so that wasn't a factor for me. But as soon as that alcohol is removed, you're going to see your anxiety level go down. You're going to see your sleep improve. You're going to see your face come back. Quit sliding off your jaw. Your hair is going to shine. It's just do it. Just do it. And whatever you need to do it, do it. That would be the one thing. The major thing I think it said is there's no one way to do it.
Whatever works for you, that's the way to do it. Because it used to be really there only was one way, I guess. But nowadays there's so many ways. Find the way that works for you and find the people. Find your tribe and go for it.
[00:55:18] Speaker A: Well said. Well, how can someone find you?
[00:55:22] Speaker B: Oh, I'm at the Sober Grandma road trip on Instagram.
[00:55:30] Speaker A: Wonderful.
[00:55:31] Speaker B: Yeah, they're pretty much every day. Yeah, I'm sorry.
[00:55:36] Speaker A: I was just saying yay. And thank you. Thank you for being there and all that you're doing and just being an inspiration, just showing up, that's really helpful.
[00:55:47] Speaker B: My pleasure entirely, believe me. And thank you so much for inviting me back. I really enjoy the opportunity of sharing, because that's another thing, is I realized once I started to get my sanity back and some clarity, hey, I'm not the only 67 year old grandma out here that's struggling with this. I want to get that message out that, hey, I know you're out there.
I feel you. Come on.
Come to the light.
[00:56:21] Speaker A: Yeah. So well said. Well, thank you so much. Happy holidays to you.
[00:56:26] Speaker B: Happy holidays to you too, Deb.
[00:56:28] Speaker A: And I hope we get to connect in Rica. Yes.
Yeah. That's wonderful. So good luck to you and all your adventures.
[00:56:38] Speaker B: Well, thank you. You too.
[00:56:42] Speaker A: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. Please share and review the show so you can help other people too. I want you to know I'm always here for you, so please reach out and talk to me on Instagram at Alcohol Tipping point and check out my website, alcoholtippingpoint.com. For free resources and help no matter where you are on your drinking journey. Me, I want to encourage you to just keep practicing, keep going. I promise you are not alone and you are worth it. Every day you practice not drinking is a day you can learn from. I hope you can use these tips we talked about for the rest of your week. And until then, talk to you next time.
