Episode Transcript
Pod 63 Kiola Raines
Deb: Welcome back to the alcohol tipping point podcast. I am your host amaze ner. I'm a registered nurse health coach and alcohol-free bad-ass.
And today I have Kiola Raines on the show. She is a wellness, nutrition, and lifestyle coach who is also living a happily and healthfully alcohol-free life. So welcome Kiola to the show.
Kiola: Thank you. Thank you so much. I had just, if you hear me, or if it sounds like a muting my mic momentarily, I live in Los Angeles in the middle of the city.
Literally I live in mid city, Los Angeles. So there's a, you know, sometimes sirens going by or a little work construction work in the background. So just a heads up. You hear the noise I'm live in direct from Los Angeles. I'm super excited to be here and. Looking forward to the conversation. I just get so geeked out that I'm able to talk about living alcohol free my recovery journey out loud.
Shame-free like, you can, I'm not all the listeners. Won't be able to see my smile, but you see like, this is, this is my jam. So I'm happy to be here.
Deb: I'm so glad you're here. I'm glad you said where you're calling from. Like, it's always, I love that we get to talk to people all over the world and there you are in Los Angeles and I'm in a little suburban Boise, Idaho.
Oh,
Kiola: wow.
Deb: Wow. Well tell us a little bit about like who you are and what you do.
Kiola: So I am a health and wellness coach. I, it's pretty amazing how my journey, my journey has come to where my career is right now. I am teaching on several sobriety apps from sober moms, squats. Reverend recovery and reframe very active in sober black girls club.
But career-wise, and I'm a mom. That's also a career for me. Career-wise, I'm a health and wellness coach. I'm a certified nutrition coach. I've spent over 10. Oh my gosh. It's probably 15 years now. As a personal trainer group exercise instructor I ended up teaching trainers in a certification course, so.
Pretty much you name it, I've done it in the fitness, nutrition, and health and wellness coaching world. And now I get to do it all from home. I get to be with my son all day I'm saying because I, yeah, get to be in full time, mom while still coaching and helping people live their best and healthiest lives.
And now I get to do that in the alcohol free space. Like it is apps. I had no idea. Studying undergrad. And in grad school, my master's is in exercise psychology. I thought professor you know, personal trainer teacher, along those lines, I, I never really equated that. I would be doing all of those things in the sober, you know, or alcohol free recovery space and wow.
You know, thank you to my higher power. Thank you. You know, I'm so grateful to God that. It finally makes sense now all of the struggles and all of the hard times, like it's and it's clicking, like right now in my life, I'm three years into recovery, two and a half years completely alcohol alcohol-free and yeah, so I'm excited to be here.
Oh,
Deb: I love that. And just to marry those two, you know, health and wellness and fitness, and to bring that into the world of recovery is, is so good. What was your, what was your experience with drinking?
Kiola: I started, I had that first, you know, 15 year old house party, kind of this, this is what we're supposed to do.
Right. We're teenagers experience Boone's farm and. I there, my parents didn't really drink. So there wasn't alcohol in my house, but at parties, my fun aunt, you know, they have their parties and that's where everybody kind of like where I saw drinking. Remember seeing drinking for the first time. And a little bit at my grandparents house too, but it wasn't something like in my house every day, my dad is 25 years sober from a drug addiction.
So I did experience that, but even that was not talked about, and it was like kept. Quiet and we, you know, are dealing with it now, like now as an almost 40 year old. And I would say for the last seven years or so, I learned like, oh, that probably affected me. So just as a teenager, just kind of like knowing that there were substances and being curious, that's kind of what led to me having my first drink.
And then it was. Just when it was available, you know, through high school ditching every now and then, but still like being a good kid, but having these, you know, when I could go on the weekends and hang out with my friends, like that was like the thing to do have a couple of drinks smoke a joint. And then in college, of course, you know, then I had full, pretty much full, unlimited access and it wasn't, it was like weekend, you know, binge drinking on the weekends through college.
And I didn't really see. The, the real problem starting until around 2008. Even though looking back, like it took me eight years to finish my undergrad. You know, there were, if I hadn't been drinking or if I understood how my brain worked, maybe I would have, you know, had an easier time in college looking back now.
But in 2008, right after I got my bachelor's degree, I remember waking up one morning to a bunch of messages. Text messages and missed calls. And it was all of my clients that I was supposed to be training at the gym that morning. And I had basically blacked out and. You know, slept through the entire morning.
And that's when I was like, oh shit. Okay. So maybe this like, Hm, this is not, what's supposed to happen. You know, I was supposed to party and have fun and then do my responsibilities. Like I had been, even though there had been plenty of little, you know, late for work or little things like that, but nothing.
So like, this is what I went to school for. This is like what I've been working for. And I have these clients and I've been working with them and. BU's get in the way of showing up for them. I remember calling my boyfriend at the time. Like, I don't want to be this person and this is crazy, but that was in 2008.
And you know what? It was a long time before I got I'm only I tell people not to say only, but I'm three years in recovery. So that was, you know, 2019. Good. Realizing this is not good and doing stuff like that repeatedly for 10 years. So yeah, I
Deb: think that's so important. I think that's so good to like point out because we think about drinking or not drinking or giving it up for years, but it's also part of the process of change.
Oh yeah. So how did you finally give it
Kiola: up? I, so first. After, you know, the I'll never drink again, maybe like a week here, a little while there. Even I worked with a trainer for a while and. I didn't drink for a few months while training with him. But still hanging around, you know, all my friends who drank and just thinking, I'm not doing this for the fitness side.
I wasn't even thinking at that time for those couple of months that this is. This is because I have a bad relationship with alcohol. I wanted to lose weight and then a DUI in 2015. So 2015 just, yeah, that was like finally got caught. It wasn't like, I hadn't been drinking and dragging for many years before that, but in 2015, that DUI was like that scared straight.
Okay. Even then though, I. You know, you're supposed to go to AA classes as a part of your getting the DUI, the ticket part of the, you know, the process. I went to one meeting and I was like, eh, it's not that bad. Like, I'm like, this is great. And I'm happy for these people, but like, I don't need to go to these meetings.
I don't need the meetings. I just need to quit drinking. And Yeah. Even just the insanity of being so rebellious, I just signed off on all the rest of the AA meetings. Cause I was like, they can't check, you know, they're hopefully I'm para from that. Like how will they know? But yeah, what a little asshole, you know what I'm saying?
Like you could just show you couldn't just show up, but that's how Booz can make your mind. And so. I stayed alcohol-free for probably eight months or so after that DUI in 2015, but I even thinking back now, I probably didn't stay completely alcohol-free I kind of like outwardly was saying I was, and then maybe had a few slips here and there, and then just went back into Lego.
Fine. I can drink again. Like I got it. I didn't drink for eight months. I'm cool. I paid for the ticket. I did my time. And so from probably, yeah, mid 2016, all the way through to 2018, another, just two and a half years of toxic relationship, you know, just money struggle, struggled, just doing stupid things and real like knowing I don't want to do this anymore.
And then finally decided in October of 2018. All right, I'm going to go to AA. I'm going to go to AA. I'm going to just do it. Cause that's the only thing there is I thought at the time, like that's what you do. You go to AA when you keep getting in, you know, getting in fights with people you keep getting in trouble when everything's not working, that's what you do.
And. I still want it to go through Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas drinking though, so that, you know, I had to, like, I was like, I'm going to quit, but not until January 1st. Cause that'll be my sober date, you know? So hard headache. So classic hard headed alcohol abuser. But I did, I won to showed up January 1st, 2019 to a meeting in my neighborhood.
And that was the beginning of where, you know, to where I am at this point, worked with a sponsor, even in that broke the rules because I worked with a male sponsor. I was still. I when I do things my way, but that's the person who connect I connected with at the meeting. And they, you know, showed up for me for the time period of going through the 12 steps.
People will probably have their opinion about that. Oh, you did it too fast. There's you can't do the 12 steps in under a year. You know, like that's not right. That's that's what my story is. I feel like I know for sure going through that process in the time I did it and that person working with me and showing up after meetings to, you know, take me through that process, changed my life.
As cliche as it is, it made me realize, oh, that's why I was drinking. You know, I dove in deeper to, okay, well, I grew up in in all white neighborhoods, so I was a different kid. My dad had a drug addiction that he was coming out of through my childhood. So that affected my anxiousness. I'm a Virgo. So I'm naturally anxious and over analyzing all of these pieces.
And I was like, that's why I was doing. Got it. So deal with that stuff. And then I won't have to, you know, drink to, to deal with it, like face it and find other ways to deal with it. So for me, it clicked like that, that first year. Three slips. After six months, I drank one day after another, maybe three months drank one day and then new years you've had two drinks, but it was never a binge or a bender.
I just, each time knew. Okay. You see, like you can have one drink, you always end up wanting to be all day thing or, you know, all night thing. Like I just saw immediately. It wasn't for me. And so I've been two and a half years completely. Alcohol-free going to. Different recovery spaces. It's not just a, for me.
I mean, the world shut down in 2020, so there were no meetings. I found out I was pregnant in January of 2020, so that was like, okay, this is a whole new thing. And just dove into the virtual recovery space. I'm super active in silver black girls club, which is a, an amazing space for black women in recovery, or even curious about sobriety.
And I. You know, posting tons on Instagram, just talking about it and showing up on whatever podcast, whatever group or meeting would have me speak. And that's when people say like, how did you do it? I it's, I didn't do. I'm still doing, I'm doing it. You know, that's the question for the new co like all the time, new people?
Well, two and a half years, or three, like three years in recovery, two and a half years. How did you do. I, I didn't, I'm still do wing it. That's like I showed about a meeting and I followed the directions of, of that meeting and. Continued being willing and open to learning and showing up in whatever way I can.
And that that's how I'm doing it. Long story short.
Deb: Oh, I just loved how you said that. Like you're still doing it. It's true. And it's just like a constant learning about addiction and alcohol and just, just different methods. Different. You know, at one point AA didn't work for you and then it did. And then you found all these other options and now you are the teacher and, and you're helping.
Oh
Kiola: yeah, I guess so. But yeah, teacher learning from them, learning how to teach this though. Like, I can teach you how to do a workout too. I got that down. I know I'm super confident with the nutrition, super confident about it with the recovery. I I have to say, like, I'm learning, yes, I'm a teacher inside, but I'm learning how to teach this, which is so cool because I learned something new every day.
Like no one has ever called me a teacher of this, and now this is happening right now. And I'm like, oh yeah. Okay. I am, I am teaching this by being, by doing it. That's how I'm teaching by doing it. So this is the.
Deb: It's so awesome. Well, one of the things we were going to talk about was food using food to help in your recovery and mental health.
Yes. Where to begin.
Kiola: Okay. So with that, here is the quick, dirty version. Food is more than fuel. It is data. So as a person in recovery and a person who wants to be able to use food for their mental health, if you think of it that way, that you are a computer. And if there was, let's say a little virus that got into your computer, you need to put in some other data to, you know, get rid of the virus you need to.
And if your computer is running smoothly, it's running smoothly because you go in and you put information in and it stores it and it tells, you know, whatever, whatever story you want the computer to tell you at that time. So food is going to tell your body how to operate. It's going to give your brain, the hormones that it needs to operate by the food that you put in.
So if you put in junk, it can operate, but it might have, you know, it's a slow. If you put in great nutrient nutrient dense food, then it's going to operate at the speed that it's supposed to operate. So that's the first thing it's more than just fuel. You're not a car you're really, if you were a car, you're like a Tesla, you're a supercomputer.
So think of it like that. Now we need to give our body the data as folks with maybe depression or anxiety or any mental health challenge. Most art, depression, and anxiety. And then we get the thoughts that come with anxiety. Like for me, I'm obsessive. I, you know, I overthink things. I over check things.
I'm worried about what happened years ago. But if I can, you know, stay in this moment where the happiness is, that means my serotonin levels are good. My dopamine levels are good. All of my hormones are functioning the way they should then I'm okay. We can help that with what we're eating. There's a list you can Google.
If you Google good mood food, there's a several articles that talk about foods that boost your mood. Some of the ones that people love to hear are dark chocolate. A little caffeine Mio clinics has a writer. 300 milligrams and that's actually on the higher end for me. Like personally, I'm very caffeine sensitive, but caffeine is on that list.
Berries. So dark berries, your blueberries, blackberries raspberries are really great. Also full of antioxidants. Oh so oatmeal or brand and fermented foods are also something else that's on that list. So research is showing I'll throw one more in nuts and seeds, because then I can give you like a quick recipe.
Research is showing that these foods are when you have these in your system on a regular basis. Just by their chemical makeup. Again, their data, you can be decreasing feelings of anxiety, decreasing feelings of depression. There is a, okay, so one more thing. So just, those are some quick, good mood foods.
There's a program called the American academy for nutrition, for mental health and addiction. American academy for nutrition and mental health for addiction. I believe I said that correctly. But she has some, the woman who founded that has some great research that we can avoid relapse. If we have the right amount of neuro-transmitters, if our neuro-transmitters are not deficient and if our blood sugar is balanced.
So another way that we can help with mental health and addiction is if we're making sure that we get in plenty of amino acids, which comes from protein. And also if our blood sugar is balanced. So that means we're eating our carbs and our protein or carbs. Together in like little mini meals. So those are just a couple, couple of quick pointers.
It's it's really so important. Food movement. And I would say like some kind of mindfulness app, either you have like a journal that you're doing, or you keep a daily, a calendar, you somehow stay on track with your day by checking in through journaling or checking in through having like a schedule or a planner.
That's how we can stay on this path. It's like, it's a lot, but little by little, you learn to master, I'm learning to master that.
Deb: What would you say? You know, that the first like month or a year, even a lot of people do. I mean, you just get this incredible sweet tooth that maybe you never had before. What, what are some strategies for managing that?
Kiola: Okay. So two things this week tooth is. Your body's saying, where's this dump mean? Where is the rush? Like where's that high that we used to get? So it's looking for that. It's also could be looking for serotonin w like if you're craving sugar and most likely it's both of those. When we were using substances, we.
We're on some other level, you know, and either crashing down or, you know, whatever, whatever the down may be, but we were up there. And so that's what your body is looking for. So when the sugar cravings come know that it, you're not weird, you're not strange. It's happening to everybody. Who's getting off of something could be alcohol could be another substance, could be.
Even like quitting smoking cigarettes, we just need something. And I want you to, first of all, just make a list of your favorite fruits. That's the first thing I suggest, like, what are your favorite fruits make a list of those and have those around you because it's it's okay. And if you're going to have a sugar, at least having some natural sugar around, we'll be okay.
Tool. Sometimes you're just going to want that dark chocolate that I was talking about, or just a doughnut or a receipt. I'd rather you have have that rather you have a doughnut than a DUI. Rather you have a receipt then a relapse. Those are, if you've heard me say it all the time, people know that's Kiel is saying.
So sometimes you're just gonna have to go for it. Pete, just be gentle with yourself in those first 30 days or so, but make that list of, of your favorite fruits and have those on hand. The other thing. And do is going back to knowing that your body's looking for serotonin or knowing that your body is looking for dopamine, do something that's rewarding.
Like, okay, I'm craving sugar. You know what? Go for a quick two minute walk, just a walk, which is going to be rewarding for your mind. In the end. After the two minutes, walk around the block, come back, see if you're still craving the sugar. Are you still craving the sugar? Is there one. Little project that you're like, you know what?
I just need to get. If I get this done, I'll feel good afterwards and try something like that. That's rewarding. And after you finish, if you still feel like you're craving the sugar, grab one of those favorite fruits of yours, it grabs something, you know, on that good mood food list, strawberries, raspberries, citrus fruit is also really good to bring neuro-transmitters into the body and then see how you feel.
And if you're still, you know, craving the sugar afterwards and yeah, go half the donut, have the, you know, whatever it is. I've also shared for people to, okay, I'm craving sugar. If you're, you know, go to the store and get the, the cookies you have to make, you know, where you have to kind of slice it and like where it's a whole, there's a process to it.
Make yourself go that extra mile to make it at like a homemade version, if you can. And that's like a nutrition tip that I use for through the certification. I have we say, be picky with your desserts. You know, if you're going to have it, then go to the bakery and get something that's fresh made, and then have that rather than have.
Like a box of chips, a Hoyer at your house that you can just binge on and that now you have dopamine because you had to go out and get it. And you're seeing people and, you know, It's you, you have to understand why it's happening. There's my stomach growling. You have to understand why it's happening. And if you understand why it's happening, then you can kind of reason with yourself and like, okay, this is what this really is, is I need, you know, I actually need a snack or I need a meal right now.
Something that's actually going to satisfy me. Or what this really is, is I need serotonin. I need dopamine and it's not just the, not just the sugar. I need to do something. That's going to make me feel good. Make me feel happy. That's what it really is. And the sugar is just your brain just knows like, well, that'll, that'll give us a quick fix.
So yeah.
Deb: Yeah, those are really good tips. What, you know, earlier you talked about quitting drinking for you was about wanting to lose weight and same with me too. I'm sure. Same with a lot of people. Like what would you say to people who are frustrated with not losing weight when they've given up drinking?
Kiola: Sorry, I muted it for just a second there's work going on. Okay, so your body is going through a major change depending on how much you. We're drinking in the first place. And I mean that first time when I quit and I needed to quit because of all the other things like, oh, I bumped into this car while I was parking or, oh my gosh, I didn't even realize I drove my car home last night.
That's why I needed to quit. And I just hid behind. That. Oh, it was, you know, part of this program. So good. I get to quit because I'm trying to lose weight. I think you just need to realize that there's so much more you're going to gain besides the weight loss, like realize that you're going to get better sleep and as you get better sleep and as.
Learn to follow a more neutral nutrient dense diet and you stay active, then it will, it will come. But that's just one small thing that you will gain besides all the other amazing things that will change in your life. I'm saying gain weight loss, losing weight, but one small it's one thing that can happen when you can gain so many other amazing things.
Besides the weight loss, keep going. Yeah. I understand that you have to get into a lifestyle where you sleep well, you eat well and you move on a regular basis. You'll see those physical changes, but there's so much more, there's so much more to living alcohol-free than, than just that, but it will come. I can't remember if I lost right away.
I, I probably did because of who I am though, because that was like, at the time I owned a studio that I ended up walking away from, because I knew like I can't do this. And. And focus on me at the same time. Like, this is just, this is not for me. I don't need to, I don't need to be running this gym. I don't care enough about myself.
I'm pretending to care about all these other people and look what I'm doing to my, you know, to myself. So I've probably lost a little because I have a degree in kinesiology. I have a master's in exercise psychology, but I knew exactly what to do. And I guess anyone could do that, but be gentle. You know, if that's not your thing right away, if you're, if you are focusing on just getting through the day without drinking, adding the worry of weight loss on is not increasing, it's not increasing your, your positive hormone levels.
You're you're focused. I don't want to discourage anyone, but I want to encourage you to see the bigger picture that there are. It's going to come. You're going to sleep better and then you're going to get your appetite back and you're going to be in a better mood. And, you know, you're getting through the one of them out.
No, the most addictive you're getting through the most addictive substance you're getting away from that. So that in itself is a huge, huge, huge win.
Deb: Yeah, I agree. I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to be skinny go tying the two together. I just was like, you know what? I'd rather be like happy and sober and get all the benefits of that than trying to.
Skinny trying to be some social ideal or whatnot.
Kiola: Yeah. Yeah. That, I mean, I can relate to that in so many levels because I, one time just wanted to be skinny because I thought that was that. Kathy this as a person who grew up where, you know, my body was different than most people around me and I was already different in so many other ways.
Like, okay, if I get super lean and I beat like a bikini competition, that's going to make me happy. And I trained with the best, you know, trainer in my area. He has a team full of girls was getting, I was down to probably 15% body fat and. Just next thing. He's like, okay, if you want to be really great at this, you know, you're going to have to change your body in this other, you know, really big way.
And I was like, oh no, like, this is not enough. I've lost so much weight. Like I need to lose more and maybe like, get a breast augmentation just to fit this. I had a full breakdown in my car, like, oh my gosh, this is not it. Like, I thought this was good. And then still ended up drinking again, even though it was so thin and whatever, like, so yeah.
There's, you have to know your why for everything, everything, you know, your why for sobriety, your why for wanting to lose weight, your wife, or wanting to get their promotion, you know, your why for the relationship, if you don't really know why. And like you said, you're, you're going for the thing for the wrong reason or for a misguided reason, I'll say.
It's going to be even more challenging once you reach it, you're realize, okay, this, this wasn't what I was really chasing. You know, now I've stopped drinking and I've lost weight. But I want to drink again, you know, because you didn't have a real reason for wanting to not drinking or I stopped drinking.
I didn't lose weight. Oh no. I want to drink. You got to attack like the root, the real root of it.
Deb: Yeah. So what would be your other tips for changing your drink?
Kiola: Oh, my goodness. I only, I mean, I only know my, the one way of complete absence. So like for, for me, I that's what worked for me. I'm not a person who knows or wants to have just one drink.
So I can only speak from my relationship and what I did was, you know, stop completely. I tested it six months later and realized, Nope, I'm still the same person. You know, alcohol still makes me want to drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, and then was dry again for another, probably four or five months and realized, okay, let me try.
Like, it's fine. I'm in this healthy relationship and we're having a good time and we're around these good people. Okay. Let me just see. And then. Nope. I want it to become the bartender at the party you wanted to drink, drink, drink, and then same thing that new year's Eve. So I, my, my best tip for quitting is quit first, stop, get around people who also do not want to drink.
If you have to get around them virtually, that's the only option, then get around them virtually whatever. Podcasts Instagram showing up for every free sober thing you can, that's available virtually, but if you can get around people in person and get to some, you know, in-person spaces, then I suggest that as well, find a pathway like some instructions smart recovery, a women for sobriety.
There's like Buddhism and recovery. If your church has something, if you know that is available to you, follow some directions and keep not drinking. That's my best advice.
Deb: Yeah, those are great. So how has your life changed since you've been sober?
Kiola: Oh my goodness. Well, I am. Learning who I really am. I'm I'm learning how to accept that.
I can overthink things. I'm learning to accept that my, my mind is brilliant and I have tons of ideas and I have to write them down. And I. I'm learning how to get along with my family better. I'm learning that I love to be alone. I like my alone time. Instead of me, you know, I was the life of the party.
I was a bartender for many years. I made alcohol so much. That's, I'm a smart, I'm smart person. I made it. I'm like, okay. I like drinking well bartend and can't get any more of a drinker than that. And I realized. I don't even really like small talk. Like I just like, I'm so awkward and I love it. I love it about myself.
Like learning to love myself. I've learned how to take care of myself. I, you know, all of those years I was out and living on my own. But I wasn't really taking care of me and being my real self. I was being this like, Ooh, I'm a bad ass bartender. And I'm getting a master's degree. I'm really like, I really am the person who likes to learn.
I have this other personality that I wore to try to. Justify my drinking. Now I live in peace. I don't need to be, you know, how in everybody's business and doing, you know, that's just, I get to be myself and there's probably someone out there's millions of people who are sober, who still like to be out and about and be in everything and are very extroverted.
Maybe when they were drinking, they actually were. The opposite, where they would drink alone and be alone and stay alone. And now that they're not drinking, they go out and they do things. And there, I, you know, I'm the opposite where I was doing everything and now I'm like, Ooh, I like it when it's quiet.
I like, I like to turn the music down a little bit. So I I'm just learning. How amazing I actually am, you know, and I get to be me. I don't have to pretend I'm someone else. And I see, you know, that that party girl is still in there. It just, she comes out in a different way. I don't have, I, I can be wild and crazy just like when I want to, I don't have to get drunk to be, you know, to dance or do whatever I'm free freedom.
It's complete freedom. That is, that is what not drinking has done.
Deb: So well said, I love that. Well, how can people find you? It sounds like you're everywhere,
Kiola: everywhere, I would say. So from the podcast, the best way to get like a direct message to me, follow my Instagram page. My name, Kiola Raines. K I O L a R a I N E S.
That's my Instagram handle. Same thing on I'm on clubhouse. I do rooms on clubhouse in the sobriety club, which is an audio app. If you are on the sober moms squad app, I teach workshops. Reframe I teach workshops on reframe and rev. Recovery is a group that also has their own private recovery space as well.
So teaching on there, I think that's it. Yes, those are, those are where you can find it.
Deb: Oh, well, I'm so glad I found you and just some wonderful, wonderful tips in there. Some wonderful, just, I mean, so inspiring and just to hear the way you talk, like it is obvious that this is what you're meant to be doing and yeah.
Looking forward to what else you end up doing to,
Kiola: oh, thank you so much.
