Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Speaker A: Welcome to the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. I'm your host, Deb Maisner. I'm a registered nurse, health coach, and alcohol free badass. I have found that there's more than one way to address drinking. If you've ever asked yourself if drinking is taking more than it's giving, or if you've found that you're drinking more than usual, you may have reached your own alcohol tipping point. The alcohol tipping point is a podcast for you to find tips, tools, and thoughts to change your drinking. Whether you're ready to quit forever or a week, this is the place for you. You are not stuck and you can change.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: Let's get started.
Welcome back to the podcast. Today on the show is Martha Wright. Martha is a New Orleans born wine industry veteran turned sobriety mindful drinking coach with her own practice, clear power coaching, as well as serving as a senior coach within this naked mine. And for those who aren't familiar with that, that is Annie Grace's program. I think a lot of people are familiar with Annie Grace. So super awesome.
Using her background as a winemaker and right hand to food network chefs, that is also super interesting. Martha. Her unique path to regaining control focuses on the kicking up the lusciousness and fun in our lives. Martha is so fortunate to spend her time between Paris, Portland, Oregon and New Orleans, where you can find her sleuthing out the best street food markets, coffee shops and non alcoholic venues, hosting non alcohol meetups or playing ping pong. What a great intro. Thank you so much for coming on the show, Martha.
[00:01:52] Speaker C: Thank you, Deb. I'm so excited about this conversation. Really excited that we could connect and glad I got to meet you at our recent event and meet up in Seattle.
[00:02:04] Speaker B: Me too. Me too. Yes. So we met at sober in the city, an event put on by zero proof experiences in Seattle. And it was just wonderful to see all these people from all different walks of life just living and thriving without alcohol. It was especially interesting to hear about your experience, like coming from the wine industry, being a foodie growing up in New Orleans.
I mean, wow. I just thought I got to get Martha on the show because I need to hear more about your story, how you went from New Orleans to where you are now working as an alcohol free coach. Just where to begin. You start us off okay? Absolutely.
[00:02:46] Speaker C: You handled that so well, too, because all of that was a mouthful.
And it is really because of that background that you can imagine. I was steeped in it, soaked in it in the wine industry. Just all of that, the years and years of hospitality and all of the pleasure, really, that came with being in that industry and the art of the table and a deep love of hospitality. And so the idea of giving up alcohol was really terrifying because I believe that it meant giving up all of that. And I had really felt like wine was a way of connecting and bringing people together. I'm sure many people in your listening audience can relate. And I hosted events all the time as a owner of a small winery in Oregon, and felt like I was creating community through the school, the church, the community center, wherever there were groups of people that didn't know each other, and I was pulling people together. And, you know, the problem is it just alcohol got all tangled up in that. And of course, extremely habit forming, addictive. And I though my brain couldn't see, see how to give all of that up. And it really came as a revelation one day, what if I don't have to give it up? What if I can double down on it? What if my alcohol free life can be grounded in really taking a deep plunge into the sensory experience and examining what is it about hospitality that I love?
What are the things about? And this is an invitation for anyone out there who is also maybe in the hospitality industry, what does it really mean to extend radical hospitality, and what does it mean to be a great guest or a great host? And those were things that I wanted to examine and dig into and have fun doing that. I love thinking about all this with fascination and curiosity, and that's really what got me going.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: Wow. Yeah. Well, can you take us back then to what drinking was like, you know, growing up in New Orleans and then, I mean, I'm just fascinated, like, how you ended up working for the food network. Can you share a little bit about your life?
[00:05:33] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, New Orleans, that. That laissez les bon ton roulet tagline for the city, it's really an ethos. Let the good times roll. And that is what it is like in New Orleans. Just this irreverence and celebratory environment. Very permissive, very decadent. And it starts young. And I'm sure again, that so many of us can relate. In my household, for Santa Claus, we left cookies and a scotch and soda, and we should all have so much compassion for ourselves when we really think about. And instead of making all this feel so personal, I really always encourage my clients to embrace this fascination about alcohol in our culture, because when we are fascinated, we're turning outward and making it less personal. So, you know, those messaging starts very, very young and I did not see adults in New Orleans willingly, and I really didn't. And so that became something I became very devoted to, is that I would be one of those adults that can show that it is possible to willingly opt out. And we are, in doing that, creating a completely different culture and upbringing for the next generation. No matter who you are, where you are, if you have kids, it doesn't matter. Other people get to see you, which is great. So just growing up in that, again, very permissive environment in New Orleans where there's, and I think, other places, places I've learned, it's really kind of the same everywhere. You know, anyone I've talked to says, oh, you wouldn't believe how heavy drinking, my culture, my industry, my college town, all of that. So New Orleans is certainly not unique, but it really is so enmeshed in the fabric of, you know, the way of life. And then almost to the point where it's just, we're suspicious of someone that doesn't drink. But also the spirit, what really comes through for me is that at the root of it, at the heart of it, is a spirit of being together and celebration and ritual. And so as we are on this journey, we have the opportunity to say, wait, what is at the heart of it? And let me reclaim that. And that's what my coaching is all about. Let me help people reclaim what the whole purpose was at the start. So New Orleans has this beautiful, very well known celebration called Mardi Gras. You know, what is that really about?
The pagans started that just centuries and centuries ago, and it was really at this point in the year where it's kind of dark and cold, and the human spirit needs something to rally around and be, you know, just find some. Some joy and light and energy. And so things like that and other celebrations have gotten tangled up in alcohol. But how can we reclaim those?
The celebration at the heart of it? I then moved from New Orleans with my husband to Los Angeles, and chef Emeril Lagasse was a friend in New Orleans, and he introduced me to Food Network chefs. And this is when the Food Network was just taking off. So I was really fortunate to work with two incredibly dynamic female chefs that had a business partnership and really beautiful, colorful, energetic restaurants with vibrant food and traveled with them back and forth to the food Network, worked on their cookbooks, traveled in Mexico with them. But, you know, along those travels, alcohol was right there always, and very much a part of the restaurant world. And even the various chefs that I methemenous all over and then my husband and I really did some soul searching about what kind of life we wanted to live together and doing something that we could create of our own. Even though we both had really wonderful jobs, we wanted to create something, and we dreamed of starting a business in the wine industry, which at that time, for us, felt like the ultimate in terms of creativity. And again, this idea of sharing and extending hospitality. So we were very passionate and just naive enough to just think we could pull this off. And the remarkable thing is we did, and we just got to know great people that helped us, and we really did have a great experience in so many ways. But again, as I look back on it, what I loved about the wine industry was always the people, the connections, our friendships with the small family growers in France, because by that time, we were importing wines from France. So in my path in the alcohol free life was very much about reclaiming that. How can I reclaim what was at the heart of what drew me to this industry in the first place?
[00:11:36] Speaker B: It's so interesting. So what was your role with the Food Network then?
[00:11:41] Speaker C: So I was working alongside Food Network chefs that had, at that time, their own show. They also had an NPR radio show, and I was doing absolutely everything from helping them cater a party for celebrities in LA to helping them write their books to recipe testing. There would be days where my husband's like, why is there a frozen octopus in the kitchen sink? I'm like, oh, I am just defrosting that. And then I have to give that octopus a salt scrub. And we're recipe testing that tonight. So it was doing that and then helping them manage all the celebrity chef endorsement deals that were coming up. And so I shifted then into the role of being their business manager and managing all of their kind of product deals and deals for cookbooks and all of that. So it was incredibly varied, and I absolutely loved that time with them.
[00:12:51] Speaker B: Yeah, I could see how then you were like, let's look for something else to do also, because it sounds like you had a lot of travel. I'm sure you were so busy and stressed. So then you guys went into the wine industry and you enjoyed that, and then you just got to the point where.
Where did drinking become a problem?
[00:13:15] Speaker C: Okay, so we were in the wine industry for a total of 25 years, and it's, you know, I think we all have that sort of ceiling of, we look back and realize that we were collecting signs and signals. You know, maybe. Maybe someone said something and. And we realized that it really stuck out to us. Maybe they. Someone commented on their own drinking, or we saw an article that we didn't want to. We were partly in denial, but somehow it stuck out, too. So, looking back, Deb, I realized, absolutely, that I'd been collecting little signals, one of which was just that I noticed in my early to mid forties, even that alcohol, that I wasn't handling it as well, that I was getting sort of more tipsy than. I mean, not tipsy, more sort of dizzy than buzzed. And not. It wasn't feeling as good. And I absolutely wish that more of the kind of information that's available now had been available then. And I think I might have just been able to see and say, oh, wait, I'm not the only one. And there is another way. But I just didn't. So I just did what a lot of people do, and I just sort of pressed on and just thought, okay, that's just age, and just deal with it. And this is still so much a part of your life. And drinking, it just did not feel problematic until it did. And I think we can all sort of relate to that, where one very pivotal just event was talking to my mother, my siblings, and I did an intervention of sorts. And I say it that way. I don't feel like we were all that well prepared to talk to my mother about her drinking, but we obviously did the best that we could. And her drinking looked honestly like the drinking of a lot of people or most people that I'd grown up around in New Orleans.
It wasn't so much that wheels coming off the bus, but we definitely felt concerned that its impact on her health. And. And in talking to her, she. It was so difficult, a difficult conversation to have that, you know, if anyone's had that experience, they know. She said something that just stuck out. And I would say almost kind of, well, she was giving me a gift and a signal. And she said to all of us, she said, for as long as I can remember, I have woken up every day and said, this would be the day that I quit.
And it was. I get chills saying that. I get emotional thinking about it.
None of us knew that that's how she felt. We just wanted to say, essentially, mom, you know, really, you need to cut it back. And we know that we could all just, you're so smart, you're so active still at your age, and maybe just reining this in. But none of us had any idea that that is how she felt. And I just filed that away, and I thought, I don't feel like that about my drinking, but I'm heartbroken that that is how she has felt for, as she says, as long as she can remember. And it was a few years later that I realized I am waking up at three in the morning. I am telling myself, I am not gonna drink tomorrow, no matter what. I just can't.
And I am feeling, if this is happening now, night after night, I am starting to feel like she must have felt. And I just feel so incredibly grateful that she gave me that signal when she did. She had passed away by that time.
And, yeah, I really draw on that. You can hear how I'm getting emotional, so I really do pull from that.
And I think what's so important is that we get to be a sort of voice and face to that, that alcohol stories don't have to be overly dramatic. My mother's was not. Even though we wanted to say, hey, you know, we really feel like you should could rein this in just because we love you so much. Her story, her drinking wasn't different than the people around her. And I'd say my story is the same. That, that we really have this opportunity to normalize, that these stories don't have to be so dramatic. And yet it can still feel like I am waking up every single night saying, here is something I don't want to be doing. And then this special amnesia takes over. By midday, by that afternoon, that evening, I'm pouring myself a glass again, saying, well, what's the big deal? It's actually all okay. So I think that voice is really important to share and let other people feel seen that it doesn't have to be something overly dramatic. And my big dramatic moment, or I say, and I don't say this lightly, but just a kind of a rock bottom for me, or a last straw was Christmas Eve. My husband, daughter and an old friend and I had a Christmas Eve dinner and I waved my husband off when it was time for. When he was like, whoa, this is time. It's Christmas Eve. Time to get everybody out and hang the stockings or whatever. And I just decided that's no, that's rude. I'm going to pull out another bottle of wine and we're going to sit here and just drink some more. And I never done that. Over drank. Woke up the next morning feeling terrible. And I just thought, Christmas, this is actually very sacred to me. So much work goes into this. It means a lot to me. How could I let this almost have ruined something that's a really special holiday to me. We. Because I was over drinking and, you know, being really not very nice to my husband and waving him off. We didn't read twisted the night before Christmas, which had been an every year tradition. None of that. You know, it may not sound important, but again, it's all about collecting these signs and signals. And it was just one more example of feeling not in integrity and feeling like, you know, I've really, really had enough. And I didn't know what to do with that. And then, just by chance, a friend introduced me to Annie Grace's book, and it clicked and made sense. And it's still all that said, it's still felt incredibly scary because the brain naturally goes to focus on, what does this mean? I have to give up? And how will life have any sparkle? And the words in my head were probably very much like that. Life will have no sparkle. Fine dining is dead to me. I'll never be able to be in France again with these wonderful wine producers that we are good friends with. And when someone says, here's my. The wine my great grandfather made, and I want to pour this for you, I mean, just my head was swimming with all these things that would be off limits. And that really did keep me very stuck.
And until, like I said, I really decided to explore what ifs. What if that's not true, and what if I could double down on all of it and make this about more, not less?
[00:21:48] Speaker B: Yeah. Wow. Well, thank you for sharing your experience and your mom. And, I mean, you're like, what a gift that she gave you. And that's just the power of vulnerability, I think. We hide so much of ourselves as moms, as daughters, as friends. People really don't know what's going on inside. And it took some external circumstances enough that you all reached out to her for her to share that with you and you to recognize later on, like, gosh, I'm waking up. I'm saying, this is the last time. Like, gosh, maybe it's my time now. And then you're in the soup, like, you're in the industry.
But that is very brave change to be like, I'm in it and I'm done drinking or that process. And what is this going to look like? Yeah. You were so entangled.
[00:22:53] Speaker C: Yeah. Thank you for recognizing that. And you're absolutely right. I felt some of the first feelings were. And part of what kept me stuck feeling disloyal. Feeling disloyal to my industry.
How could I do that? And that also was part of what had kept me stuck, Deb, is I kept looking around to the industry and saying, the thing is, I don't drink any more than anyone in the industry. And that is what a lot of us, the human brain really is designed to compare and contrast. And so we do that. And again, we should just have compassion for ourselves. But that was such a distraction for me to be looking and saying, but I don't drink any more than others in the wine industry. In fact, I could probably find some people where I'm drinking less than they are. And if you're in the industry, this is just what you do. You drink wine nightly because you're telling other people that's what you should be doing, too. And here's this great wine we make, and I want to sell it to you. And this is what winemakers do, is we drink wine. There's also very much a belief that if you're drinking wine and you're drinking with meals, this is very different. That is being a sophisticated, european style drinker. And so it's easy to kind of hide in that, in a kind of denial that this is sophisticated and this is different than drinking those cocktails that other people drink. But yes, that feeling of disloyalty to my industry, that felt heavy.
And again, as you said, when we can just be vulnerable, stick our neck out a little bit and find that there are others. So I immediately had a. A few wine industry people reach out to me and say, oh, my gosh, could we meet up? Could we go get coffee? I feel the same way.
So that really made a difference, too.
[00:25:11] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, I think, oh, the comparison and keeping you stuck that I can relate to so much. And, I mean, you're in the industry, but, you know, we usually find the people who drink like us, and so we aren't always comparing ourselves to them. And we all look so normal from the outside, and you just never know what's going on inside. And just so great that you were talking about it and sharing with your colleagues and friends, you said you had become loyal.
I mean, we want nothing more than to belong. And when you're doing something that goes against what the group is doing, that can feel really lonely and, man. So how did you navigate away and into and.
[00:26:02] Speaker C: Well, and so I remember thinking that idea of, I don't think I drink more than anyone else in this industry. It hit me one day that I was really asking the wrong question. So any question was like, you know, I don't drink more than anyone else, do I? That just was the wrong question. And the only question was, how do I feel?
How do I feel? It just doesn't matter whether other people are drinking less, more. It doesn't matter what my doctor would say. If I am honest. And my doctor is like two glasses of wine a night.
It doesn't matter what my doctor would say. And today, to this day, when I see articles where there's still a few articles where they're trying to say, well, you know, maybe a little bit is okay. So much of that is refuted, of course, but sometimes you can find an article here or there where they're saying, you know, couples that drink together live longer. I saw one of those recently. But you get to the point where none of that ever impacts you, ever makes a difference, because you've really firmly worked through that idea that it doesn't matter what anyone else's drinking looks like. This is how do I feel? How do I feel? And I do not feel good drinking.
It is waking me up. It is causing some gastric distress. It is causing some acid reflux. It is on and on.
It is causing me to be so worried about my brain, you know, and that was very significant for me. I was feeling just cognitively impaired. I really was. And a brain fog that was troubling. And so just getting to that place where, oh, I feel so relieved now because nothing is dependent on what anyone else is doing. It is just purely, how do I feel about alcohol? And that made a big difference. And so in terms of navigating in the industry, I would say I just took small steps and I just shared what was comfortable at the moment. And one of the first things that I did was I posted and I wrote a piece and shared it in an online forum. And it was about a sort of public apology to the non drinker. And in it I was saying, I am sorry, because in our winery tasting room, as the host, I didn't see you, the non drinker. I thought I was gracious if I came over to you and offered you a glass of tap water, but not realizing that by the time I offered that to you, it's because you had already had to be othered. You were already sort of apart from your group in the corner sitting down when other people were standing around and drinking from their wine glasses. And so that apology and saying, what would I do now differently to have an alternative beverage and to, you know, make that something fun and local and interesting that we also have a little story about. So that was maybe one of the first things I posted and really got some great feedback. And again, some people reaching out saying, me too, all of that. Also, if there's anyone listening that's in the hospitality industry. Another thing that I did right away was I learned of a group of chefs and bartenders that were part of something called Ben's friends. And it is a sobriety recovery support group that is particular to the hospitality industry. And that I just. I went to a couple of the meetings, and it wasn't ultimately something that I felt like I wanted to stick with, but it was. And I. Because I just. I found something that was kind of more in sync with where I was and what was helpful to me. But I found that, of course, the community was incredibly welcoming, and I just think that's a great resource. I also know that there had been kind of a movement where bartenders were wearing a lapel pin that signaled, I am not drinking alcohol. And that that was helpful within their industry. And I found the. An online forum that was founded by two women in the wine industry, and it's called a balanced glass. And I loved what they were doing from within the wine industry, creating a platform where there was just a talk and conversation about, how do we increase the conversation about wellness and balance in this industry. And I found that that was something that I could contribute to as well.
[00:31:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you for sharing those resources. And it's just the importance of, like, finding other people that get it.
[00:31:52] Speaker C: Exactly. Yeah. It really does help to, you know, people that understand what that shift drink is like, that tradition for someone in the industry, they're gonna really relate to. Oh, my gosh, it's all about the shift drink. That's where we form our friendships and bond. And if that is your industry, that's gonna be a really tough one to navigate. How do I navigate it without drinking? How do I give up the idea that I will feel left out? So people that understand the particulars of that kind of intense work and then having the late night shift drink and that sort of thing. And then also just all of the wine culture salespeople constantly bringing in these rare. You're surrounded by these things that are holding up my fingers, air quotes. Because, you know, when it comes to a wine, I had to really do personal work around. What does that mean? The air quote, special bottle. And that's something that I was able to work through, and that was important. So someone in the industry that can help to have that camaraderie to talk about. Okay, what does that even mean? What makes a bottle?
If I have really determined that there is no benefit to me from alcohol, you can get to the point where it does not matter that so and so's grandfather made this, and it doesn't matter that it came out of this yummy smelling, musty, yeasty cellar in France.
I will take photos. I will smell it if I want to, if I'm comfortable with that. I will enjoy the beautiful scenery at the winery. I will enjoy the ritual, and I'm going to clink a glass with something else. And now I clink glasses, and I associate that connection of the glass and cheers and these beautiful glasses, and I am toasting to clarity and connection.
And that would be an example of the kinds of ways that I have reclaimed that, you know, I can really enjoy the sights and sounds and smells of a restaurant, of a winery, of fine dining, because I kind of challenged myself and did some exercises that I now really work with my clients on to reclaim and find that, you know, what's at the essence of it. So recently, I had a beautiful bottle served to me of a craft beverage that's made by chefs and sommelier. And it's made with this blend of. In this case, it was teas, spices, herbs, sourdough starter was, you know, at the base to give it that yeast that you might have gotten from a champagne, this particular beverage. And bottling was absolutely delicious, and there's no question it's artisanally produced. It was served in a beautiful glass, and it brought about, and I'm now swirling. This is an instinct that I can't stop. But if you could see me as if I'm swirling a glass and smelling, this is a beverage that caused one to lean in and say, what do I detect there? What flavors, what notes am I getting? And then to have a conversation with the sommelier, with the server. And so to reclaim that and realize that that's still possible, and is that what was at the heart of what we really enjoyed about that experience, the connection, that Shared Experience, that immersive experience with the sensory, you know, the sensory experience.
[00:36:01] Speaker B: So, yeah, and so that was all with an N, a Beverage that was just described.
[00:36:08] Speaker C: If I didn't make that clear, that was all an NA Beverage. And it was one that is not trying to be a De alked wine. This is not a fermented wine that's then dalked. This is a. A Beverage that various chefs, Michelin starred chefs, or sommelier around the world are experimenting. Some are going the route with making wine and then dealking it, but others are saying, I think we're going to do better to just create from the ground up something that pairs beautifully with Food, something that can give us some of the various notes and the hits of acidity and the depth, the bitterness, all of these things. And so that was a very successful bottling, a successful iteration, and there are a few out there. And the great news is there are going to be more and more.
And I also just think even outside of, there are other ways that we can do those deep dives for anyone in your audience that just mourns maybe what feels like a loss. And it's okay to grieve a little bit, but then to feed the brain, a different question is one of my favorite tactics. So we are saying to ourselves, how am I going to navigate this, you know, this gray life of lack? And then the brain is like, oh, I know, it does sound terrible. And I guess I'll just distract, and I guess I'll do the. I guess I'll avoid that kind of situation. But our brain is brilliant, and it is a problem solving machine. So when we find that we're not getting the results that we want, it's a great tactic to just say, oh, let me feed the brain a different question. So the different question can be, how can I find a life that is actually juicier, that is yummier, that is more on the sensory? And so, again, you might feel that little bit of mourning, but then to realize, let me see what else I can do. A deep dive in. If you were someone who loved all that knowledge and geeking out, so to speak, on wine or beer, I culture, that's all still available to you, and they're just other beverages or food. So you can do that around tea and coffee, chocolate. You know, I talked about bread and sourdough. There's, you know, for people who love science, there are so many different things that are fermented. And so that beverage I mentioned that I was saying was so successful, that person wanted to explore, what can we ferment? There's so many things, plants that can be fermented. I just moderated, as, you know, a panel in Seattle when we gathered, and we had three different producers from very reputed wonderful na beverages. And it was so fun to hear them talk. And one in particular, when he talked about sandalwood and various botanicals. And, of course, he could go on and on and on. So there are definitely ways to embrace, you know, different beverages and ingredients and really lean into enjoying that and sharing them and teaching other people about them.
[00:39:52] Speaker B: Well, I appreciate you sharing that, and you get me excited. I'm not really a big, like, foodie or beverage person, but hearing you talk, I'm like, oh, I could just listen to this. You could make anything sound amazing.
But it's such a good point. Like, if that's what you got, and you're missing that because you're not, because there are a lot of people who are wine collectors. They go to wineries, tours. They have built quite a bit of their life around this.
You can still get that experience, that lusciousness, that, that culture, that science, even in other ways, without the alcohol field, wine or whatever beverage it is.
[00:40:39] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. Absolutely. And I did, I just shared, again, a blog post I'd done last year about the holidays and just wanting to help people think about how we get through all the culture that we've absorbed. We absolutely associate holiday gifts, hostess gifts, around alcohol, as if that's just the ultimate. And I bought into that big time that a great bottle of wine or scotch or whatever was the ultimate way to just ingratiate yourself to the host or hostess and just a way of turning up the holidays or the experience or to elevate and all of that. So I posted something about sumptuous, decadent gifts and ideas for the holidays that aren't wine. And it's just like you're saying, and the idea of showing up somewhere with a, you know, a big tray of persimmons and walnuts and figs and a chocolate dipping sauce or some whipped feta with rosemary and honey. And, you know, there are so many ways that we can, you know, feel that sort of decadent, sumptuous side of things and realize that, again, what was at the heart of it, really, it's about wanting to share and commune with people and enjoy a ritual. But we can do that in so many other ways. Yeah.
[00:42:25] Speaker B: I mean, such a valuable lesson for us all, too.
What are we really getting out of it, and what do we really want and what is nourishing us, and how do we connect? How do we get that sense of belonging?
[00:42:39] Speaker C: Oh, I love that you just use the word nourishment. I focus so much in kind of my content. And when I'm the work I do in the two video courses that I've created around play, fun, delight, I think that too often in this journey, there can be in a lot of conversations, a sort of heaviness around the idea of work. And it is not to say that there's not work involved, but I just think, for me, language is so important. So I really prefer to think of it all as my privilege. I get to do this, and it is about evolving as a human and just learning more and more and more each day about how to be a human, becoming.
And so while I focus on those things, play fun, delight, it's great to keep in mind that those aren't sort of frivolous. It's not just a way of wanting to say, let's just make this more fun so that we get farther away from thinking alcohol is fun. It's not a matter of distraction. It's, again, not kind of frivolous or just the extra stuff. But recognizing that play, fun, delight joy, these are foundational.
And in our life in general, it can be a great reminder. And I'm grateful to my alcohol journey. I'm grateful that I developed the habit, the addiction that I did, because it's where I learned all of this, that all of that play fun, delight, joy.
We are, we're sometimes in our culture, in our society, forgetting that that is foundational and that it is a human right. And it is. It shouldn't be something that we think of as this extra that we can engage in only if we've gotten enough work done, only if we've produced enough. I'll do that thing. I'll give myself that.
And unfortunately, too often we never even get to it because the line on what I need to do to produce, to get done just keeps moving. So we're just putting off play fun, delight joy. And you use the word nourish to me. The reason for all of that play fun, delight joy, is that when we spend more time cultivating those states, like I mentioned, that I love ping pong. Ping pong, for me, is fun and playful. I feel playful when I'm doing it. It gets me into flow. But when we're cultivating those states, we feel nourished. And so, yeah, we feel nourished and filled up from the inside. And when we feel like that, alcohol just holds less promise and appeal.
So that's my interest in all of that, is just what that can shift for us when we are really nourishing ourselves.
[00:46:00] Speaker B: I love that you brought that up, being foundational, because it does make me think, like, about animals. The animals naturally play, right? And then our kids, we're always letting, you know, encouraging them to play. I mean, that's how we learn, but that's also how we de stress, that's how we grow, that's how we regulate our nervous system. It's so interesting, but we have kind of gone away from that as adults. And maybe we've used alcohol to play.
[00:46:28] Speaker C: Totally. Yes. And the funny thing is I didn't say this, but a bigger part of my career while I worked for Food network chefs, but even longer than I did that, I worked in children's museums. So I know exactly what you're talking about. And absolutely play is how children learn, but it's how humans learn. And we do give up play. And it's something I say this, too, because I need to hear it again and again. And you can look at statistically what Americans, you know, probably true in other countries as well, but here there are less of the bowling leagues. And, you know, statistically, you hear that we have fewer hobbies and things like that. So there is those sort of pressure, external pressures, I would say, that cause us to just forego those things. And, yeah, this time, for all of us can be an invitation to, you know, bring them back and see them as foundational, the same way that now maybe we're seeing more and more good sleep is foundational to our just health and well being. So.
[00:47:51] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. So is that your delight practice, then, incorporating more fun and play? Is that what you mean when you talk about having a delight practice?
[00:48:02] Speaker C: Yes. The delight practice is something that I got introduced to through an author, and she was initially inspired by the poet author Ross Gay, who wrote a book called the Book of Delights. And so a delight practice can be as simple as noting every single day you get, where once a week, however you want to do it. But some kind of simple delight, something that makes you smile, something that you observe. I think of it as it can be quite quirky. And when we think of big topics like joy, big joyful things, they might be, you know, the births of a child or, you know, seeing, seeing animals play or these types of things, delight is so related, and we don't have to parse the words, but sometimes delight can be even more personal and quirky, something that you find delightful. I might not, but. And so I was in Portland, noticed someone had tied up tiny miniature toy horses that they'd painted, and they tied them to these sidewalk iron rings. Those iron rings in the sidewalk do date back to when we, when people did tie up their horses in Portland's early history. But the fact that someone had, in the middle of the night, I imagine, done this sort of stealth art attack, I walked by and noticed them, and it just made me laugh, it made me smile, and it gave me this connection then to an unseen artist, someone I don't know, but feeling like, wow, someone did that purely for the delight and amusement of themselves and others.
Maybe you noticed too. But during COVID it felt like occasionally people were putting some kind of funny sign or little sculpture or something in their window because we were all homebound. And it was kind of delightful to notice, though, someone's sense of humor. I was on the trail here by the cabin where I am and came upon a rock pile, a construction that looked. It defied physics and gravity. I don't know how this person was able to see stack these rocks in this formation with bigger rocks on top. And just to think that someone did that for their own delight, for my delight. What I love about a delight practice is that it really forces us to be in the present moment. So by definition, it is a mindfulness practice. And if there's anyone out there listening that has struggled with meditation, I know I have. I had a period where I felt like I was kind of able to do it and it was beneficial and then not, and I don't know exactly why. But what is nice is to realize that there's not just one path to mindfulness. And a delight practice is a path to mindfulness forces us to be noticing what's happening in the world right then, right there. And the other benefit, I've seen that the science behind it is that it has all the same benefits of a gratitude practice. So those things like increasing life satisfaction, even improving immunity, or lowering cortisol, all those same benefits can be found with a delight practice. What is really fun, too, is to realize that when we focus on something like that, we end up training our brain. And so the more we notice delight, the more delight there will be to notice, because the brain's reticular activating system, the rastain, is all about what gets through. We can't pay attention to everything. And so just by noticing these small, little quirky, funny, you know, little moments, we then are, yes, in essence, training our brain to notice more of it.
[00:52:49] Speaker B: Oh, I love that. What a delightful practice. I was thinking it was like gratitude also, but I love the quirkiness of it and the fun of it. And I just. My friend took me out to lunch yesterday. She's like, I'm in a. We're going to ride our bikes, and she has a bike, and she has two basset hands, and she puts them in the. She has this bike basket. She puts them in the front of her bike basket, and, oh, my God, you should just hear the people as we go down the green belt. They're just like, oh, look at those dogs. And then she likes, go eat somewhere where you're out on a patio, and everyone loves to come pet the dogs, especially the toddlers. And she, my friend, hands out stickers of the dogs.
They're very into these dogs, but people are so delighted to get a sticker to get. She even has a little pin. Like, they're just delighted by the dogs. And just. And she just does it just because.
[00:53:51] Speaker C: She'S like, oh, we just.
[00:53:52] Speaker B: We just like it. We like to make kids smile and, oh, it's so delightful.
[00:53:58] Speaker C: That is a great example. That is so fun.
What I love about that is it reminds us that it doesn't have to be some huge gesture or some huge initiative. That is the best example of how a sticker totally delights. And the idea of giving that away and the smiles, but then also the connection to other people. And, you know, I just can imagine how much that is filling her up and nourishing her from the inside, to say nothing of all the, you know, joy it's spreading.
[00:54:46] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was so. I felt like I was with a celebrity. Cause then all the waiters and waitresses knew her, and she was handing out. I mean, it was just. It was so special. It was so sweet. It was delightful. So I'm glad that you brought that up. So glad.
Well, I know that we have so much more we could talk to you about, so I will have you back on the guests, but. Or I'll have you back on the show, but do tell us how people can find you, how you're helping people.
[00:55:18] Speaker C: I would love for anyone to reach out any questions. I'm also really passionate about any beverages and have a bunch of my favorites listed on my website. And that website is clearpowercoaching.com. and so that my resources page on my website includes some of my favorite books, articles, and beverages. And I keep that updated because I'm constantly taste testing the latest in all these na beverages. And I have courses that I've put together that are really my answer to what I was looking for and would feel would be most helpful again, around this idea of reclaiming what we were really enjoying about certain spaces and not having those spaces, like restaurants and events and travel, feel, you know, gone or lost to us. So I created a program.
One is called luscious 30, and the other is luscious af. So one is a month long alcohol break that is filled with play and fun and delight and focused on what we're gaining. And the other is a. Is a three month program. But really, ultimately, I want to help women create an alcohol free life that feels very juicy and not dry. And so often people are coming to me saying, I've done, I've done a month or I've done six months or I've even done a year. But I don't feel confident in this identity yet. I'm kind of shrinking. I still feel like this is about things that I've had to give up, and I am. It is my absolute privilege to help women create this just it's thriving life where they've shifted into, oh, my gosh. This is all about what I really get to say yes to.
[00:57:34] Speaker B: I love that. Well, thank you. I love the juicy not dry.
[00:57:39] Speaker C: What a good word.
Don't like that at all. So, yeah, Deb, this is so fun. And when I come back, I can talk more about some of the sort of experiments and things like pushed myself to do, like going out on a speakeasy tour in Paris and being able to say, look, I want to reclaim what it is about that sort of being out at night, this sort of illicit, you know, mysterious or mischievous or whatever it is, and be able to do that without drinking and, you know, enjoy it more.
[00:58:16] Speaker B: So, oh, I love. I know we didn't even get to like your fabulous life and all that you have to offer and all the tips you have for leading a juicy life. So definitely look for having more. Martha on the show, thank you so much for sharing your experience, sharing about your life and just all that you do for the alcohol free community now.
[00:58:42] Speaker C: Thank you, Deb, thank you so much. It was a treat.
[00:58:46] Speaker A: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast.
[00:58:51] Speaker B: Please share and review the show so.
[00:58:53] Speaker A: You can help other people, too. I want you to know I'm always here for you, so please reach out and talk to me on instagram at alcoholtippingpoint and check out my website, alcoholtippingpoint.com, for free resources and help. No matter where you are on your drinking journey, I want to encourage you to just keep practicing, keep going. I promise you are not alone and.
[00:59:15] Speaker B: You are worth it.
[00:59:17] Speaker A: Every day you practice not drinking is a day you can learn from. I hope you can use these tips we talked about for the rest of your week. And until then, talk to you next time.
