[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. I'm your host, Deb Masner. I'm a registered nurse, health coach, and alcohol free badass. I have found that there's more than one way to address drinking. If you've ever asked yourself if drinking is taking more than it's giving, or if you found that you're drinking more than usual, you may have reached your own alcohol tipping point. The alcohol tipping point is a podcast for you to find tips, tools, and thoughts to change your drinking. Whether you're ready to quit forever or a week, this is the place for you. You are not stuck and you can change.
[00:00:35] Speaker B: Let's get started.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate you. I want to take a sec to invite you to the next alcoholiday. It's a monthly dry group where I help people practice not drinking. This is for you. If you feel like you're struggling, if you feel like you're stuck, if you feel like you're broken, you're never going to get it. I want to just support you and arm you with lots of different tools to battle cravings.
Work on your thinking about drinking. Be more kind and compassionate to yourself as you're doing this. You know, drinking is a habit and it's probably something you've done for years or decades. Even so, it takes a while to unwind it. And that's why I'm so passionate about focusing on practicing, not drinking, working on progress, not perfection. I love the saying focus on the direction, not perfection. And I think it's important just to have these types of groups, programs that just give you a safe place that has no shame, no judgment. A safe place where you can just learn new tools and just start unwinding the habit so that it gets easier and easier for you to drink less or not at all. I would love to have you join the next alcoholiday. It starts the first of every month. As a podcast listener, you always get 20% off by using the code love love and it is hosted on a private platform. It is a HIPAA protected platform. It's really important to me as a nurse just to have privacy and a safe place for you. And what you get is daily emails, lessons, accountability. You get lots and lots of tools to battle cravings. You get a really detailed guidebook journal to help you out during those 30 days, 31 days, whatever the length of the month is. And then you get downloadable audio meditations. Just something to go to when you're feeling a craving. We also do weekly group chats, weekly group support calls led by me and another sober coach twice a week. And then there's also a private chat where you can just share with others, support others, and it's just a great place to practice not drinking. The cost is $89 us dollars. That is so it's less than $3 a day. Plus use that lov code to get your discount. And just a little background on me. I have been a registered nurse for 20 years. I'm a board certified health coach. I'm a smart recovery certified facilitator, an addiction certified mental health professional. I'm a mindfulness instructor. And then you all know I like to call myself an alcohol free badass. I've been alcohol free for four and a half years now, so I would love to see you in the next group. You can sign
[email protected] alcoholiday and join there. I also will link it in my show notes. Wherever you are with your drinking journey, just know that I am rooting for you, that you are not broken and you can change. Thanks so much.
[00:04:16] Speaker B: Welcome back to the podcast. Today on the show, all the way from the US Virgin Islands, is Allie born Vanek. She is a national award winning television journalist. She has also held the title of Miss Virgin Islands. I keep like glomming onto the Virgin Islands because it's so on my bucket list. I was just so excited about that. Allie is the creator and host of the popular caribbean show vitings. In 2017, Allie quit drinking and she has started spilling the sobriety sobriety tea, emphasis on tea, to inspire those who are sober, curious or seeking guidance on how to get sober. She aims to help anyone considering quitting alcohol, whether for a short period or a lifetime. That is in my wheelhouse. Ally, I am so glad you're here. So welcome to the show.
[00:05:12] Speaker C: Thank you so much for having me. This is truly an honor.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I just saw you and your energy and I just was like, I really want to hear your story and just how you're helping people now and how you got to where you are now, where to begin, how'd I do on the intro? Is there anything you would add about yourself? Because you've done a gamut of things.
[00:05:40] Speaker C: Yeah. Thank you so much for reading that intro and that's great. I'm from St. Thomas, Virgin Islands, and grew up there, went to school here. My family is from here and was always this very high, high achieving type person. You know, I just always growing up, wanted to go for big dreams. And when I was younger, down here that really started with sports and golf. My first big dream was to be a professional golfer. So I dedicated everything to that and to playing in college, which I accomplished. I played golf in college at the College of William and Mary. And from there, towards the end of college decided, you know what? I think I'm ready to pivot and go after other dreams as well. And that was Miss Virgin Islands and going into a pageant. And I thought, well, I haven't done a pageant before in my life, but I'm going to give it my all and see where the chips fall. And sure enough, I won.
And it was truly one of the most incredible moments of my life. There was scholarship money as well. That was a part of, because it was the Miss America organization and competed at Miss America, met incredible women from all over the country. And then from there, after Miss Virgin Islands went headfirst into my journalism career. And that career, from then until now, has been a part of my life. And, you know, sobriety for me really came in 20.
You know, it's funny when I think about this, I find myself going back like, well, the journey really began here. Well, the journey really began here. But to simplify it, I think alcohol really started to become a problem in my life. And I was seeing that I was using it in an unhealthy way in 2016, that was really where it started to pop up for me. And in 2017 was the year that I got sober. And I. I haven't looked back since. In 2016.
At that point, I was living in Louisiana because I was working for, or actually, I had just left my job at a tv news station, but I had gone to Louisiana for the job and had done very well winning awards and just working with phenomenal people. I keep in touch with them to this day, and I was just moving forward full steam ahead. But a few things felt off in my life, and I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. I was single and I didn't want to be single. I was in my early thirties, and that was a very hard point because I thought to myself, well, I'm trying to do everything right in my life, and I'm showing up for work and I'm doing well here. And why isn't this area of my life coming along as fast as I see in other people? And that really led to a lot of sadness. A lot of sadness. And I was living alone. And that was when I started to start. I started to drink alone, which was something I never promised myself. I always promised myself I wouldn't drink alone. I would only drink socially. And sure enough, there I was after a day of work, pouring myself a glass of wine, trying to numb my feelings of loneliness because I was coming home to an empty apartment. And then the weekends would roll around, and I thought, okay, cool, here's my chance to drink and connect with friends. Because once again, I'm thinking to myself, I live alone. And that was where things started to really snowball in my life. 2017 was such a pivotal year for me. It was one of the hardest in my life. But I'm so grateful because I saw the biggest miracle, which was finding sobriety.
I hit rock bottom in 2017, September 2017.
And that rock bottom really began in June of that year when I suffered a head injury from playing volleyball, of all things, you know, volleyball with my church group.
And I laugh when I think about. I can laugh now because my head is much better and I don't have the migraines anymore. But I think back to that moment where somebody spiked the ball.
My head went back, my neck went back, and I never experienced debilitating migraines before in my life until that point. But I think to myself, you know, sometimes God in the universe has to bonk you over the head.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: Literally. Literally.
[00:10:34] Speaker C: Literally. For you to get the message, to get your shit together, right? And so that was a very hard summer. That was. It was actually a week after my birthday when that happened. And I found myself that summer trying to work, though. It was very difficult. My debilitating headaches. My face would start to feel like it was on fire. My head was just throbbing. I was on very strong pain medication. I couldn't drive when I was on that pain medication either. And my job at the time required me to drive to hospitals and doctor's offices because I had left tv news at that point.
So things came to a peak.
September. That month in 2017, I got fired for my job. I believe it was September 5.
And I thought to myself, okay, I have no more job. I don't know where my money's going to go or what's going to happen. And the next day, a catastrophic cat five hurricane hit my home island, St. Thomas, and completely wiped it out. At the time, it was the worst hurricane record in atlantic ocean history.
So I lost all contact with family.
It was. It was very. It was. It was. I can only imagine being there, but being away from there, I was absolutely terrified. You don't know how your family's doing. You don't know how anyone's doing.
And at the same time, I had these migraines. And I just thought to myself, okay, I'm broken. I'm unemployed. My home island, where I grew up, is destroyed. I can't get in touch with family. I don't know how they're doing.
I hit rock bottom.
I'll never forget dropping to my knees and just sobbing.
And I get choked up thinking about it still, because it's still such a very real memory for me. I've done a lot of processing, but it could kind of catch you. And I went to my bed. You know, I got up, I went to my bed, and I laid on my back, and I just yelled the word life, just life.
And it was really a moment where I felt like I was crying out to the universe, fighting for my life.
That was the only word I could get out.
The miracle and the light that happened after that, for me, is something that I will never forget. And I think about sometimes multiple times a day.
Seven days from that point, I went to a physical therapist. I had to wait for that appointment, and she worked on my head injury. I felt relief from migraines after months and was crying. Crying again. That was very emotional. I went to my car, and I sat there in silence, and I heard two words. Don't drink.
It wasn't dramatic. It was just very, very quickly, don't drink. And I really felt that message.
Within a week, I had a whole new job that was going to pay me more money than I had ever made at that point.
And I think it was a couple weeks later, I took my last sip of wine ever in my life.
Because at that point, I just knew that sobriety was my north star. I was no longer the woman that drank for the wrong reasons, that drank to self medicate, that drank for social validation. I wasn't her anymore. She'll always be a part of my story. But I had moved on. I had physically, spiritually, mentally, I had moved on. And since then, it has been incredible to see how sobriety has restored not only parts of my life, but really parts of me. And that's why I do what I do. And I want to support people, especially women, in sobriety, because it can be the most freeing, the most rewarding thing you could ever do. If you're feeling stuck, if you're feeling like you're in a rock bottom and you feel called to go sober, maybe you're sober. Curious. You feel alcohol has been connected to parts of your life story that have held you back. I say, yes, like, explore sobriety. Go for it.
It can be the thing that changes your life.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Wow. Thank you for sharing all of that about yourself. I feel like now I have so many questions, I kind of want to go back. I'm just curious what it was like growing up in the US Virgin Islands. I always like to hear what drinking culture is like in different places because it sounds like it didn't really become a problem for you until you started using it to just sort of self medicate for loneliness, really? In a way, yeah. So can you talk a little bit about the culture growing up and how that changed for you or didn't?
[00:15:53] Speaker C: Absolutely. Here in the Virgin Islands, and I would say in the Caribbean to a very large extent, drinking alcohol, especially rum, has been a part of our culture for quite some time. I couldn't tell you how many hundreds of years, but we have historical places, landmarks, distilleries here in the Virgin Islands and then I know in other parts of the Caribbean. So it's pretty ingrained in our culture. We have local alcoholic drinks, we have Christmas songs that are about drinking alcohol, you know, and, you know, there's. I throw notion, of course, I don't throw any shade to that. That's part of the culture. I love being a Virgin Islander and all of those things are in the spirit of celebration and living life and coming together and celebrating us as a community and as a people.
I will say that when I knew that sobriety was my north Star, something did pop into my head which was cultural. And I'm glad we're talking about this because I thought to myself, well, wow, me, as a virgin Islander, I guess I'm never going to drink crucian rum ever again, which is our local rum.
And I thought to myself, man, the culture, it's like, hey, drink rum and coke, drink rum punch down here. I thought, man, I'm giving all that up.
That was the thought. And that was more challenging back then. Now I'm totally at peace of it. And when I see my friends and everybody, whether it's rum or anything like that, I mean, I'm totally fine with it. I mean, I say if you're celebrating life and you're okay, alcohol is not a problem for you, then live your life.
That's how I feel. And I mean, and I know maybe there are different opinions on that, but I truly just love seeing people happy and living in the highest version of themselves. And I also truly feel it's not my place to ever tell people, you know, how to live their life. I mean, that's also a big part of my, my own personal recovery, to live and let live. Everybody, you know, comes, comes to their own different conclusions and what they feel is best for them. But going back to the cultural part. Yeah, it's definitely, you know, when you come to the airport in St. Thomas, also in St. Croix, they have little samples of rum for you as you get off the plane. And again, I totally understand that. I mean, that's what some people do want.
That's totally okay. But, yes, it's very much a part of the culture here.
[00:18:59] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Interesting. And so you ended up moving back to the Virgin Islands then because you're there now, correct?
[00:19:09] Speaker C: Yes, I've moved back to the, since getting my masters in journalism, I've moved back home to the Virgin Islands three times. So once after I graduated and then again, and then this last time around, I've been living back home since 2018.
[00:19:31] Speaker B: Got it. Yeah, yeah. So you've really been around it and you're comfortable with it, it sounds like. And I mean, you have your tv show and you're going out and just celebrating all things Caribbean and Virgin islands, and you're around it. You're at the point where it's not an issue, it doesn't bother you. I feel like you get to a point where alcohol becomes kind of neutral. It becomes like, meh, you know, you're not wishing you had it or longing for it or, you know, looking at it as an. As evil. It's just neutral. It's just, meh.
[00:20:09] Speaker C: Totally.
That's how I feel. I feel pretty neutral towards alcohol.
I know that it no longer has a place in my life in terms of consumption and that former version of myself, but, yeah, I don't really think about it in early sobriety. Yeah, I remember it was more of a thing because it felt more, it took up more space in my life thinking that, okay, I'm at a social setting or I'm at a typical, maybe work after hours like, event where there is drinking. And I felt it more like, oh, gosh, I'm here and I'm not drinking, but now I'm like, yeah, all right, let me grab a mocktail. I know exactly what I'm going to order.
It could be typically, it's water, if not water, it's usually ginger beer, which is non alcoholic, and splash of cranberry. And I always look for that straw, you know, like some sort of straw that looks, that kind of indicates, I've worked in the service industry, so I, you know, they use different straws sometimes to identify drinks that are not, that are non alcoholic.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: I didn't even know that. That's funny.
[00:21:23] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always look for the straw just because I want to make sure. But. But, yeah. So now, to your point, I'm much more neutral about it. And my boyfriend, my partner, he's sober, too. So when we're out, we're ordering maybe alcohol free mopedo or some sort of mocktail concoction. And we're just zipping through and don't even think about it as much.
What I do appreciate now is having the opportunity for spilling the sobriety to have this conversation. Because I really feel like the more conversations we can have about sobriety and the benefits is so key. Because all of us collectively are raising the vibration of this beautiful thing that you can bring into your life. To really unlock what I feel is the highest and most authentic version of yourself.
[00:22:29] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. It's a movement. It's a revolution.
[00:22:33] Speaker C: Totally.
[00:22:34] Speaker B: I will add, just as a nurse, though, I'm pretty. Like, I'm anti alcoholic. I'm anti smoking. Like, there's no health benefit. I'm just throwing that in there and I can be around it and not want it. And I think that's like alcohol freedom, right? And it takes a while to get there. Like you were saying in the beginning. Oh, hell, no.
It's hard in the beginning. So how did you get sober? How did you quit? Like, what were your support systems? Can you share about that?
[00:23:13] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think first, for me, it was. It was such a strong. Knowing that the chapter of alcohol had ended.
It was just such as a strong conviction, maybe for lack of better words. And I don't know if that's the right word. I just knew that that story was done.
I felt it was. Because what it was, for me, dad, was very much a spiritual awakening in some ways, where I felt like this 1180 shift with my relationship with alcohol, there was no more. So it started with that. And from there, I thought to myself, okay, what do I need to change? What do I need to do to support myself? Because early sobriety is a very delicate and tricky time.
You are going through a lot emotionally. And you may not be telling, like, everybody what's going on because you're trying to go through your own emotions through it.
I remember back then, I thought, okay, I need to have some sort of beverage that I can go to if I'm starting to feel.
Feel the urge. Feel the urge to drink. So in spilling the sobriety, that's one of the things that I share about. Have a mocktail, whether it's. It could be juice, water, tea. It could be, you know, your own mocktail concoction. But the important thing is that your nervous system knows that there is something that you can go to rather than the wine or the alcohol, whatever it was before that you used to. Used to drink.
What really helped me was planning my morning routine, my evening routine, and in that evening routine, having something to do, because those were the most witching hours. I found, like, I mean, my.
All of my drinking, with the exception of, you know, on the weekends back then, you know, having a mimosa, my drinkings. My drinking would happen at night.
So what I did in early sobriety was, okay, let me make sure that I have something to do that evening. And to take that a step further, I made sure that it was something that I was looking forward to doing, because I realized that so much of this was surrounded about my nervous system. And if I was at work or if I was out and I was starting to get a little nervous about, you know, not wanting to drink, it helped when I knew I had something to do, because that now I'm moving from a place of anxiety and anxiousness to joy and excitement and starting to relax a little more as the evening approaches. So that was very important, too.
And I also meditated.
That was also very helpful for calming my nervous system. And it wouldn't be like hour long meditations or anything. I'm talking like putting your cell phone on a five minute timer, closing my eyes, sitting down, not moving, feeling my body, feeling my body breathe, noticing if my chest was really tight. And after five minutes, just feeling better. Sometimes we just need to sit still, you know, we're just zipping around. And I'm the queen of zipping around. Thanks. Me too. You know, I used. I used to be that reporter every day in the street, zipping around with a microphone, trying to put together news stories, and got to make those deadlines. So I get it. I know what it's like to move 300 miles an hour sitting down. And if my mind is racing, like, just. Just being still was so important. And oftentimes, Deb, even after those five minutes, I would feel.
I would just. The urge would leave.
Or if it wasn't, you know, if it was at a ten, maybe now it was at a four or a five, and that was much better than where it was. And I could take the rest from there. I could go throughout my day, and I can get through that moment. And lastly, I will say this, too, because I think it's very important in early sobriety, you don't want to throw yourself back into the old environments you were in when you were drinking. That could really sabotage. That could really sabotage that early part of sobriety that you're trying to hold onto. That's probably one of the hardest things, because early sobriety can feel very lonely and because you're not hanging out with the old friends, the old drinking buddies and everything.
And for someone like me, drinking while I did drink to self medicate, it was a lot of. It was social validation, too, to feel like I belonged, to feel accepted, and to not be in those previous environments, it almost compounded some of that loneliness of early sobriety, which is why I think having something to do at night can help alleviate some of that. And maybe telling just one or two people, a couple people who you really trust that you can turn to so you don't feel 100% alone, because we're never completely alone.
I know what it feels like, and I think we all have had moments where we feel completely alone in life, and it's so tough. But at the end of the day, there are people who love us, and we have a couple of people who are our ogs, you know, our ride or die, so to speak. And that's. That's all you need. Sometimes it's just one or two people just tell them, hey, I'm doing this. Appreciate your love and support. Doesn't have to be a long winded thing. And you could. You could lean on them in those moments.
[00:29:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you for sharing all that. What I like about you, it's like you're really normalizing sobriety.
And, I mean, and you're showing, like, hey, you can be miss Virgin Islands. You can develop a drinking problem, and there's different ways to unwind the habit to get sober. Right? I didn't hear you say that you went to rehab or AA or, you know, you kind of developed your own way of doing things.
And the support for you, it was enough just to have those one or two ogs, those ride or dies.
So thank you for sharing that, because, again, like, I'm trying to get the message out. There's so many different ways to change our drinking.
And just to go over your top tips, again, like, you made the decision, and I think that is huge, because I spend a lot of time in the gray area trying to moderate. That was exhausting. I know that it's really hard to get to that place where you're like, you know what? I'm done.
And we don't all have a volleyball. Knock us on that we wish. Cause it's just you like, oh, I just. I want to be done. So sometimes when you're in that middle part, it's difficult when you can get to a place where you're like, I'm done. I'd rather have none. Then one is so helpful. And then having the replacement drinks, having something to look forward to, slowing down, being still doing meditation, something like that. Having people finding your people, finding people that get you, and whether that is in a kind of traditional sober group or like our new modern recovery or new online groups, all that, those options, or if it's people already in your life that love and care for you and want the best for you, totally.
[00:31:33] Speaker C: There are many different ways that you can support yourself in sobriety. And especially, like, as we're talking about that early part of the sober journey. And I think for me, back then, I knew. I knew I could do it. But I also gave myself the I don't know if the right word to describe it is freedom option, but I told myself, hey, this is how I'm going to do it. If I need any extra support, I'm going to go for it. I'm not going to shy away from it because I'm going to do whatever it takes. I'll try it this way. And I felt in my gut that I could do it, and I did. But I gave myself, I guess maybe that permission. Hey, I need to do something more. No shame in that. I'm doing it. And that was, I think that was also very important to just take some of that pressure off of myself in that, you know, during that time. Because what really anchored me in that sobriety and knowing that this is where I'm going was seeing how my life was being restored in those early weeks of not drinking and having my migraine, that concussion be healed, getting a new job, doing the next best thing that I could, keeping that faith, just seeing where my life was starting to be pieced back together in sobriety, I just thought to myself, I am not going back to the chaos at all. Like, I begged for my life. I was on my knees on my bed screaming the word life.
I have life, and I'm not going to sabotage that ever again. And to take that a step further, I thought to myself, there are things in life that I want so badly that are my biggest dreams. I want to find a partner and somebody who I could build a life with. I want to be happy in my career and feel excited and just loving it every single day. And I want to work towards something. I want to help people. I want to impact people. And it was those things that I thought to myself, sobriety is going to be where I move forward towards that, and sobriety is going to be where I can actually really get back to myself and who I am, and that's going to help guide all those other things that I'm wanting in my life. So being when I gave up drinking in October 7, 2017, I was sober for almost three years before I met my partner. It took about three years, give or take a little more than three years, actually, because it was the November elections in 2020.
It took three years of a lot of inner work, healing, deep diving to get back to me and to feel really good and solid in my foundation, to be ready. I feel for that next big chapter in my life. So for any single women out there, because for really anybody but single women have a special place in my heart because that was where my story really began. With sobriety and a big connection to that chapter, you can shift your life. You can change your story through sobriety. And it's that powerful. And, you know, if it's something that you feel called to do, absolutely go for it.
[00:35:38] Speaker B: Yeah, I did want to come back and talk about just kind of this pressure of single women of this whole, you know, it got kind of brought into our dialogue with the elections, the whole childless cat ladies dialogue. And, I mean, I loved seeing all the women come back, like, oh, hell no. You know, but there's this pressure for women to be married, to have children, to have it all together, and then if you don't, and so many people don't. Right. Lots more people, lots more women are single, don't have children, you know, but there is this, and you can speak to this more because you've been in it, but just this feeling of comparing yourself to others, feeling bad that you're not further along you should be.
And a lot of people, a lot of women turning to alcohol to just cope. Can you talk some more about that?
[00:36:40] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely.
We live in this comparison culture where we're always looking, whether it's on our phones, going through social media, or in our conversations, we're so in tune to everybody around us and who's doing what, and this person's there, and that person's there. And we may celebrate, you know, and be happy for, you know, different people and different things. But at the same time, there is a lot of pressure on women to be married, to have kids, or to be married and have kids and then have this career, and it's like there's just so much pressure, and it's all across the board. You know, you could be doing this, you could be doing that as a woman in your career, whatever it is. It's like, by the time you get to your early thirties, though, I mean, I remember feeling it in my late twenties, but by the time you get to your early thirties, for me, I was single, and I had just moved to Louisiana to work at the tv news station.
And I was looking around at my friends, and many were married or engaged or were having all these wonderful lives with their partners, and I was so happy for them. But you could also feel like you're not moving fast enough, and you start to feel like maybe there's something wrong with you or you're not doing. And it could be very confusing. And this isn't to say, and I fully believe this. I fully believe this wholeheartedly. I mean, as a woman, we don't have to get married, we don't have to have children, we don't have to follow what's been the stereotypical mold.
But nevertheless, there is that pressure that we all kind of feel or just notice. And I don't think this is a conversation that is talked about enough. I think many single women feel this. And next thing you know, you're 31, 32, 33. And then if children, you know, is what you want, you know, now you're. Now you're starting to think about your own biological clock and that chapter, and that becomes added pressure, and that's a whole other conversation, right in that fertility space. But, yeah, I mean, you're moving forward in your career. You're putting everything into that or whatever it is that you're doing in life, and you think to yourself, how am I going to get these things moving? For me, alcohol, I was. I was, as I mentioned, I was self medicating and I was developing an unhealthy relationship with it, that it was not only holding me back from what I feel, being a better version of myself, it was keeping me in fear for putting myself out there. And then also, and perhaps the worst of all, I think it was just clouding my judgment.
I wasn't making the best decisions when it came to the people who were in front of me. And, I mean, I take full ownership of all that. I'm far from perfect and was making a lot of mistakes back then as well.
But single women, just remembering myself back then and all of that pressure, and you're going home alone.
And even though you have support from your married friends or friends in general. You're still getting off the phone, and you're still alone in your apartment, and it could be a very tough, tough place to be. You want to keep the faith, but day after day, it becomes painful. It becomes very, very painful.
And then alcohol becomes a way, at least for me, it did, to take up that space and numb my feelings and reaching the point where I was rock bottom. And I said, you know what? It's really about my life at this point, you know, I have to get myself right first. And I'd rather do all of the. I'd rather face the things that I'm scared to face about myself, do better, feel better, build a better life for me, and then see what the universe in a higher power has in store.
[00:41:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, the alcohol is a temporary solution, and it's not always a problem, I guess, you know, just normalizing. Like, you don't have to get married, you don't have to have kids. I think it can be really hard if that's something that you want, though. And I have a lot of women who are now in their fifties or maybe older, and they haven't gotten married, they haven't had kids. That ship has kind of sailed. And so it's coming to acceptance with that and always coming back to working on yourself and having compassion for yourself and the you that you are now and kind of back to that worthiness. Like, you are a worthy person. You still deserve to be here and deserve happiness, whatever that looks like. And not having to fit into this certain mold and, like, just bringing to life, like there's, again, there's more and more women that aren't married, that don't have kids, that's getting more normalized, just like sobriety is getting more normalized. Right. But we don't talk about it, like you said. So I'm so glad that you brought that up.
[00:42:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
We as women are so powerful and so magnificent, and all of our journeys are sacred. I truly, truly feel and believe that we don't have to fit a norm or this particular role or something that we see around us or maybe our parents wanted for us or whatever it is. We can live our own lives. And, you know, alcohol is, you know, for me, it was. I thought that was.
That was my crutch. I thought, okay, well, that's going to help me get to, you know, not feel this pain anymore. And then, because alcohol is a very. It could really mess with your mind and everything. I remember thinking to myself, oh, my goodness. Well, if I don't drink alcohol, then how will the future love of my life and I ever gallivant to France and drink Bordeaux wine or something? Something silly like that, you know, it's like you make up all of these funny stories, and at least I found myself doing that. And what sobriety has done has really just taken away all of the. All the muckity muck I felt that came with drinking and his. I like to think of it as taking those rose colored, foggy glasses off and now seeing the forest from the trees. Because what I think is not shared about or something about sobriety I didn't realize is that life is so much, not only so much better.
Life is like on pop rocks when you're sober.
It's crazy. It's like. It's like you're seeing things in Technicolor. It really is. The conversations you have with friends are a hundred times funnier, 100 times more enjoyable. I still do many of the things that I did when I was drinking. I still do, but I do it sobereze. You know, here in the Virgin islands and the Caribbean, we have carnival, we have festivals, and I'm in my costume, jumping up and down. I got my bottle of water, and I am having the time of my life. And it is even more fun now as a sober woman than it was when I was drinking. Like, I am more in the moment. I'm hugging up my friends, and we're. It's. I mean, it's just the time of your life. And I remember thinking, before I quit drinking, man, like, being sober has got to be boring, right? Like, you know, I won't be able to do this. I won't be able to do that.
The biggest thing is realizing that you gain so much more in sobriety, right, than staying in drinking, where you're actually really losing more. You don't realize it, but you're losing much more as you drink, versus in sobriety, where you actually start gaining so much more back. I mean, I gained what I feel is my life back. I gained hope back.
I gained back myself. And when you do reach that point in sobriety where you're like, wow. Yeah. Like, it's like the light bulbs are really going off. It is. It is one of the most freeing, incredible feelings you'll have.
It's something where it's almost hard to describe. And I think people who are sober can talk about it, and we kind of know that feeling of, wow, my spirit is free, and the best is yet to come.
[00:46:32] Speaker B: Yeah, that's beautiful to keep it real.
It's not all rainbows and daisies.
I am. Yeah. So what do you do? Do you ever have cravings? Do you, like, what do you do when you have bad days? Because obviously you do. You're a human.
[00:46:52] Speaker C: Totally. Totally.
[00:46:53] Speaker B: Yeah. And those are things we used to drink at. Right, when the stress, the anxiety. So what do you do for those now?
[00:47:01] Speaker C: Yeah. That's a great question. Thank you. Because, yes, keeping it real. Not every day is great. There are tough moments we all have. Life is always evolving as we move into different spaces and different chapters of our life. So for me, a big part of my sober journey has been to regulate my nervous system.
That's been one of my biggest takeaways, and that was something that I was not doing when I was a tv news reporter. I was just sitting on the hamster wheel. You know, I was. Not only was I drinking in an unhealthy way, I wasn't eating as much either. You know, I, you know, just being so busy and everything. So there was also that part of my life as well, and it really went back to regulating my nervous system. So for me, in sober life, I have my morning routine where I wake up in the morning, I gotta move my body, exercise. I love to run. I'm actually, this month in September, doing a September 60, where I'm running 60 miles for sober September.
[00:48:09] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:48:10] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:48:11] Speaker B: Wait, this is throughout the month or you're doing a 60 miles run?
[00:48:16] Speaker C: Oh. Oh, yeah. Throughout the month. I'm not running 60 miles.
[00:48:20] Speaker B: You never know.
[00:48:23] Speaker C: Oh, wow.
For people out there who could do that, power to you, man.
It's going to be 60 miles this month, throughout the month. And, yeah, in the beginning of every day, I wake up. I wake up at 5510 in the morning and I go for a run. So four to 5 miles. And if I'm not running, I'm doing a workout at the gym, come back home, and as I'm getting ready, I'm meditating, I'm doing breath work. And I teach this to people who I work with these different techniques because they really help calm your nerves, for lack of better words, but they can really help ground you as you begin the day. Because I was the kind of person who would get ready and I get all worked up, and I'm, like, racing around trying to. And what I've realized is that if I can slow down as I begin the day and not feel my chest being tight or my heart racing, things just go so much better. And what used to trigger me. Doesn't trigger me as much if I am having a moment where I'm feeling frazzled, which happens. It happens, right? I'm at a point now where I can be conscious of it and I can make different choices and decisions. And that's something that sobriety has helped me, because before, I would just. It'd be like, okay, let me just drink, right? Or when I get home, I'm just going to have a glass of wine, or, like, three glasses of wine. And that's going to be my solution.
Now, in sobriety, if I start to feel triggered or stressed out, however you want to put it, I'm conscious of it. And now I could think to myself, okay, how can I. Do I need to meditate for five minutes, or do I not have five minutes? And I just need to take some deep breaths. I just need to be still for, like, 30 seconds. And that has helped so much more.
I don't get to a point right now, as I'm approaching year seven of sobriety, I don't get to a point where I think, I need a glass of wine.
It's been seven years of a lot of work and making these changes, but it didn't happen overnight. And I think that what I would say is, it might be tougher in the beginning, but if you stay the course and you just keep on doing whatever you need to do to support yourself. I stand by the different tips that I know have worked for me, and I feel have worked for many in this space, that you will get there.
You really will. And one other thing I will say is that what's been really fun about sobriety has been making sober friends, which was something that I didn't realize was really going to happen. I mean, you know, in. When I went sober, I thought to myself, man, gosh, like, I'm always going to be the one person in the group or the one oddball. But sure enough, the universe really does have a way of, over time, maybe not right away, but over time, bringing people into your life who also don't drink, too. And those have been really beautiful friendships. And it helps when you have people who are also sober to bounce things off of because they can understand, and they can even connect with them in different ways that perhaps you can't with other friends. And that's okay. But it just helps to have people who you can. Who understand what you're going through and can connect with you.
[00:52:21] Speaker B: You gotta find your people.
I get that drew Holcomb song stuck in my head. Well, thank you for sharing that. Tell us about spilling the sobriety and where we can find you and all that good stuff.
[00:52:38] Speaker C: Yeah, spilling the sobriety is my YouTube channel, and you can find that on YouTube at spilling the sobriety. And sobriety is spelled the normal way, but emphasis on the tea.
The spirit of spilling the sobriety is exactly what it says. It's to share about the benefits of sobriety. Keep it real, you know, like, it's not all rainbows and puffy clouds, but it's also to share hope and inspiration and to show not just through my story, but through other people who are sober, who have just done incredible things and have been, you know, who have just been able to rebuild lives through their own sobriety. I think the more we can share about that, the more, again, the vibration we can collectively raise in this space, this movement. And you could also find spilling the sobriety on Instagram and TikTok and Facebook.
And I'm just. I just feel grateful every day for my sobriety and the opportunity to share and celebrate sobriety, just in general.
I think that there's so much power on sober Instagram. I'm starting to call it sober Instagram.
[00:54:00] Speaker B: Because that's what we call it. That's what we call it.
[00:54:04] Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, I don't know if folks, if people realize how much of a party sober Instagram is.
It's really powerful because in the world and culture that we have where drinking is so prevalent, there's still so much emphasis on having fun means drinking and all of this stuff. It's really nice to see in a social media space so many people celebrating the opposite of that, that there's this whole world that is just sober and is not a part of what is seen to be the norm, so to speak, in adult life. So, yeah, spilling sobriety, check it out. It's there. I love sharing tips and resources and my own story on how to live your best sober life, and I'm grateful to do so.
[00:55:07] Speaker B: Well, I'm grateful for you. Thank you so much for having this conversation and sharing your story and everything you're doing. I hope to come to the US Virgin Islands, putting it out there in the universe.
[00:55:21] Speaker C: Would love to have you come visit. Let me know. I'll meet you at the airport. Without the sample. Yes.
[00:55:28] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Perfect. I love that. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show, Allie. It was a pleasure.
[00:55:36] Speaker C: Thank you so much for having me.
[00:55:39] Speaker A: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Alcohol Tipping Point podcast. Please share and review the show so you can help other people too. I want you to know I'm always here for you, so please reach out and talk to me on Instagram at alcoholtippingpoint and check out my website, alcoholtippingpoint.com for free resources and help. No matter where you are on your drinking journey, I want to encourage you to just keep practicing.
[00:56:04] Speaker B: Keep going.
[00:56:05] Speaker A: I promise you are not alone and.
[00:56:07] Speaker B: You are worth it.
[00:56:09] Speaker A: Every day you practice not drinking is a day you can learn from. I hope you can use these tips we talked about for the rest of your week and until then, talk to you next time.
